17 Movies That Probably Shouldn’t Have Been Made into Broadway Musicals

Carrie: The Musical is one of the most notorious flops in Broadway history, playing only 16 previews and 5 performances before closing (stories like this make you wonder how it is that Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark has managed to play nearly 7 months of previews and still not have the plug pulled on it). But hey, guess what? A new creative team is currently reshaping the show, which will be part of the Off-Broadway company MCC's 2011-2012 season. Broadway favorite Marin Mazzie is set to play Carrie's abominable mother. Could be interesting, if they strike the tone right this time!

This honestly could have been pretty interesting, and Norbert Leo Butz is definitely worth watching, but word on the street is that it's just sort of eh. And let's face it: "eh" is not only boring, but also rarely necessary. Or possibly never necessary. Ever.

I had the opportunity to see Cry Baby several times in previews and shortly after it opened, and it did have its good points. It's kind of goofy in a good way, and the dancing and choreography were amazing. But it still makes me think: What the hell prompted THAT? Cry Baby is a wacky little John Waters movie starring a very young Johnny Depp, and while the musical adaptation of Hairspray had been a rip-roaring success, this one just... didn't work.

Although it's kind of fun to look behind you at intermission and realize that John Waters is sitting there (true story!).

There seems to be a very odd trend of people taking terrible movies and trying to see if they work better as a musical. I should probably give Xanadu a little more credit, given that it was actually supposed to be really funny, but at the same time... roller skates? Really? I thought we left that behind with Starlight Express.

I love the movie Big. I really do. But I do not understand why a musical needed to be made of it. Was there anything about its original medium that wasn't telling the story the way it needed to be told? Is there anything about musical theatre that added to it? I don't really know. But it happened. And... it happened. Oh well.

The New York Times described 9 to 5 as "an overinflated whoopee cushion." Sounds about right.

Another one of those purely-for-profit shows, Elf showed up during the holiday season of 2010 in the absence of the Broadway holiday staple The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. I assume this was because Grinch actor Patrick Page was occupied playing the Green Goblin in Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark. It's possible that it could have been fun, but the biggest mistake they made was in casting a small, elf-like guy to play Buddy. I'm not alone in thinking that the primary reason the movie was funny is because of Will Ferrell being a zillion feet tall, right?

Stephen Lynch is a funny guy. But The Wedding Singer was not a funny show. Sigh.

Very important novel and film, yes. Very important Broadway musical? Not really. Though I suppose at least Fantasia got some good exposure through it.

I was never a big fan of the Legally Blonde films in the first place, so this is possibly why I find the musical unnecessary. But that aside, did you think "You know what I think this thing needs? It needs to be a MUSICAL!" while watching the movie? Yeah, me neither.

Just because, y'know, they haven't already wrung ENOUGH money out of this very tired franchise.

The Lion King? Success! Beauty and the Beast? Success! Mary Poppins? Success! The Little Mermaid?... Not so much. Though trying to create the illusion of swimming is a remarkably creative use for those sneakers with wheels on them that little kids like so much.

What the world doesn't need is another jukebox musical. From what I gather, the costumes are quite nice, though.

It's not just a jukebox musical-- it's a DISCO jukebox musical. Par-tay!

To be fair, I did have a fun time at Young Frankenstein. Critics accused it of being too bloated, and yeah, it was, though I think that it was just bloated enough (there's a difference between that and too much). That aside, though, Young Frankenstein was so clearly an attempt to recreate the success of The Producers that the idea of it still kind of makes me go "ugh." Ugh.

The initial production of this one did quite well at the Pasadena Playhouse in 2006; then it opened in London's West End in 2009; then it opened AGAIN, this time on Broadway, in 2011. It had a drastic overhaul after the London production, which usually isn't a good sign. Ah well.

Urban Cowboy is sort of the Broadway equivalent of the anthology film: Its score was written in pieces by eight million people. Okay, eight million is a bit of an exaggeration, but in spite of the fact that Jason Robert Brown was one of the many, many composers, sometimes dividing and conquering is a bad idea. Especially when you're dividing and conquering a bad movie into a worse musical.