7 Suggested Scents Better Than Lady Gaga’s New ‘Blood And Semen’ Perfume

Well, don’t we feel stupid! Here we were, not two hours ago, writing about how weird we are for wearing Old Spice deodorant, while across the country Lady Gaga was dreaming up a new perfume line meant to smell like BLOOD and SEMEN — which very well may be the world’s worst possible scent (though a potential sponsor for MTV’s Skins).

Seriously, this news is super gross. So Gaga, we implore you: Before you commit a factory of people to living out their working hours in a dark lair infused with gallons of period sex, here are some better olfactory options for your consideration:

1. The New Jersey Turnpike: On a hot summer’s day if you insist.
2. Essence of Raw Meat: Did you happen to keep that VMAs dress around?
3. Eau de Four Loko: Or is that more of a Ke$ha thing?
4. Eau de Water: Cheap, easy, and palatable to everyone.
5. Like maybe flowers or something?
6. Bubbles! Seriously, we would wear bubbles.
7. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell: It’s a secret! (But probably flowers or something.)