Alternate Titles for Coldplay’s New Single ‘Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall’

Coldplay’s new single, “Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall,” just hit the interwebs today. Chris Martin and the gang are evidently still rocking out the sound they debuted on “Viva La Vida,” but the song title is just so horrifically cheesy I can’t get past it. So I used this random title generator to help them come up with some catchier, more radio-friendly titles.

• The Birch of the Husband
  I bet Gwyneth could use that as a GOOP headline, too!
• Crying of Storms
  It’s still about crying, but kind of tougher.
• Splintered Witches
  Doesn’t really mean anything, but sounds deep. In other words: perfect.
• Ready to Start
  Well, Arcade Fire won a Grammy last year, so ripping them off might not be the worst idea.
• Dwindling Dreamer
  My interest in this song keeps dwindling as it goes on.
• The Flying of the Edge
  I like to think that The Edge would not get anywhere near this song.