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It’s that time again, the second night in the two night, two hour premiere. Tonight we’re in Seattle.
First up is another guy in another patriotic, Apollo Creed outfit named Brandon Groves. He tried out last year and didn’t make. Looks like history repeats itself.
Now it’s “Hotness”, which is like calling the really large kid in school “Tiny”. Jennifer Chapton is her real name, and she REALLY can’t sing even though she says she’s got a unique sound but has been compared to Mariah Carey. She needs to understand that singing badly isn’t unique. We’ve already heard lots of bad singers already and it’s only been going on for a little over 2 hours.
The people that get on this show and claim the judges don’t know anything about music should just be taken out and slapped.
— Commercial Break —
Next we’ve got a stay-at-home mom that’s trying out. Amy Salgado “tries” to sing Christina Aguillera. She’s had a cold for almost two weeks. Sadly, she’s really not very good. She took a short water break to try again, NO HELP! Randy said she’s tone deaf. Simon just says “you can’t sing.” She complains that her throat is dry and Simon said she could lay in a bath with her mouth open and it wouldn’t help.
Simon’s comments just crack me up.
Yikes! A bleach blonde is up next and she’s not wearing a bra. Her mom looks like a twice as old version of her with black hair instead of bleach blonde. She’s singing a song from the Pussycat Dolls. Her mom comes in and Paula looks to the side off camera and says “Oh my Ga….” This mother daughter combo is just crazy and need to be taken out and put in some sort of government witness protection program. It’s just painful to watch. It’s just painful to watch. It’s just painful to watch.
As hard as the judges job has to be, at least they can be rude to the people trying out. Ryan on the other hand has to always be the polite person with all these crazy wackos that can’t sing a note.
— Commercial Break —
Next is a montage of lots of people getting rejected with Milli Vanilli’s “Blame It On The Rain”.
First up after the break is Thomas Daniels. He’s tried out 2 previous times to make it on the show. Quit his job and slept behind two trash cans on the street while waiting to audition. He’s actually not that bad. I’m not sure if that’s really a true statement, or if it’s just because everyone else was so horrible. 3x was the charm for Mr. Daniels, the family celebrated while Ryan was stuck holding the little chihuahua.
The girl up next looks like some kind of hybrid toy creation from Sid in Toy Story. This girl just looked weird and I couldn’t figure out what it was until my wife said she was Ms. No Shoulders. This girl has one of the weirdest body shapes I’ve ever seen in my life. She can’t sing either.
— Commercial Break —
Blake Lewis, starts off with his beat-boxing skills. He said he’s the local champion. Blake sings “Crazy” by Seal. Simon said he doesn’t think he’s as good as he thinks he is. He’s moving forward to Hollywood with three YES votes. His dad met him outside the door crying and sounded like Chris Farley doing his motivational speaker impression, kind of dressed like him too.
— Commercial Break —
A brother and sister are competing against each other up next. Friendly sibling rivarly and fun between them. The sister, Shyamali Malakar, starts and sings “Summertime” the classic jazz hit that was kicked up by Fantasia. I think she did a great job. She’ll make it through. Randy and Paula vote her through, Simon said no.
Let’s see how her brother does.
Sanjaya Malakar said he didn’t think he was as good as his sister. He was inspired by Stevie Wonder. He ends up singing “Signed, Sealed, Delivered” and really delivered the performance. Paula likes. Simon said he’s A LOT better than his sister. Randy likes him too. She beats his sister.
— Commercial Break —
“Unchained Melody” makes it’s first appearance in the auditions. Nicholas Zitzmann is another one of those contestants that’s just scary to watch. The judges are swaying, I think to distract themselves from the spectacle in front of them. The judges are letting him keep going waiting for the high notes to hit for the dramatic effect. Ouch! The judges are just letting him go on and on. I think the best thing about his performance is he was forced to sing probably longer than anyone and didn’t forget the words. Simon asked “What the bloody hell?”. Nicholas responded “That was me.” Randy said his performance was none of the things you want singing to be. He left the room and Ryan said absolutely nothing. Ryan just kept staring at him, it was classic, one of Ryan’s better moments.
Rudy Cardenas was the final audition for Day 1. The guy has a great personality, let’s see how he performs. Rudy sings “Open Arms” by Journey. If you don’t remember, Randy Jackson was the bass player in Journey. Rudy makes it through with two votes from Paula and Randy.
That’s the end of Day 1