6 Rumors About Jay-Z And Beyonce’s Baby — And Potentially Fake Pregnancy — Evaluated

Evidence in favor: strange boob shenanigans, unfair lack of bloating, that famous video clip.

Evidence against: Bey and Jay took steps to protect the wing of the hospital where she was supposedly giving birth, to the point of pissing off other new parents. Seems like an awful lot of trouble to go to if she wasn't actually having a baby. Then again, maybe they just didn't want people to see the real birth mother!

Evidence in favor: none.

Evidence against: The baby's name is Blue Ivy, not Ivy Blue; "Elub Yvi" does not actually mean anything in Latin; the Bible implies Lucifer to be incapable of reproduction.

Evidence in favor: Beyonce has often expounded on the importance of the number four in her life; her birthday is on September 4, while her mother's is January 4, and she and Jay-Z got married on April 4, 2008. Her most recent album (not coincidentally, her fourth solo album) was also called 4.

Meanwhile, Jay-Z's last three albums were called The Blueprint.

Evidence against: I don't really trust People's "sources and fans" as authorities on anything.

Evidence in favor: Jay-Z has long been rumored to be a member of the shadowy devil-worshipping, world-controlling society of freemasons.

Evidence against: "Bitch, I said I was amazing, not that I'm a Mason," Jay-Z clarified in his verse on Rick Ross' 2010 track "Free Mason." Also, the kid would not stay "illuminati's very youngest" for long, which would demonstrate a shocking lack of foresight on the part of hip hop's first couple.

Evidence in favor: She did, indeed schedule a c-section; named after Victoria Beckham, who's had four, the practice is said to be more convenient, less painful, and less damaging to a woman's lady parts than conventional childbirth.

Evidence against: When you are renting out an entire wing of a hospital, you kind of have to schedule it with them ahead of time.

Evidence in favor: Jay-Z has often spoken of how his character has been shaped by various hardships; they named their kid "Blue Ivy."

Evidence against: They could have named her "Apple," "Harper Seven," or something equally dumb, but they didn't quite go there. Not quite.