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Green Lantern star Ryan Reynolds covers the new issue of Entertainment Weekly, and, in a wacky departure from journalistic norms, he actually wrote his own cover story. In the third person, even — and it’s actually pretty funny! Here’s an excerpt:
“In the Reynolds household, family came first. He spent a great deal of time with his older brothers and, in turn, his brothers were very close to him. Usually within striking distance. Fun to bruise and generally considered to be ‘emergency food,’ he was teased for being the sensitive kid who liked to mow the lawn and get punched in the face.”
And then there’s this:
“In 2006, in an effort to decrease his widening carbon footprint, Reynolds abandoned the use of his car and spent a year bicycling around Los Angeles. L.A. is not well-known as a bicycle-friendly metropolis. His lofty sojourn would soon take a tragic turn when he was run over at Doheny and Sunset. Not by a motorist, but by Ed Begley Jr. on his 12-speed Nishiki, calling Reynolds an ‘idealist’ while kicking him with a mile and a half of freshly shaved bone-white leg.”
All right, class, let’s have a little fun with this. Here’s the assignment: write your own biography in the style of Ryan’s EW piece. Here’s mine:
“Liana was born in New York City in 1985. She has a little brother, who proved himself to deserve that description in age only — particularly when he learned to throw Liana in the dryer. Liana, the little brother, and, by government mandate, their parents moved to Los Angeles in 1994. Liana continued to grow, so they got a bigger dryer. She attended school in L.A. all through college, but now, she’s back in New York where you can totally drop your laundry off and have other people do it for you.”
Go nuts and show us what you come up with!
