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So I wish I was making this up, but I’m not. Apparently the secret to Demi Moore’s fresh-faced looks are LEECHES. Like the real, blood-sucking leeches from the Middle Ages, folks. Here it is in her own words:
“I was in Austria doing a cleanse and part of the treatment was leech therapy. These aren’t just swamp leeches though – we are talking about highly trained medical leeches. These are not some low level scavengers – we’re talking high level blood suckers.”
She said you get your body ready for the leeches by shaving and bathing in turpentine. “They have a little enzyme that when they are biting down in you it gets released in your blood and generally you bleed for quite a bit – and your health is optimized. It detoxifies your blood – I’m feeling very detoxified right now. I did it in some woman’s house laying on her bed. We did a little sampler first, which is in the belly button. It crawls in and you feel it bite down on you and you want to go, ‘You bastard.’ Then you relax and work on your Lemaze breathing just to kind of relax. You watch it swell up on your blood, watching it get fatter and fatter – then when its super drunk on your blood it just kind of rolls over like it is stumbling out of the bar.”
Holy Mother Mary Of God save us all. I feel like I need to take a detoxifying shower or something just reading that. Jaysus. Okay, I’m trying to keep it together…here’s a few questions I have for Demi Leech Lady:
- Why would you WILLINGLY let leeches on you? These are big slugs that suck your blood. Did you somehow get these confused with Clinique or something? It happens. Leeches, Clinique, Leeches, Clinique….it’s hard to know which is which.
- How are blood-sucking leeches medically trained? Oh, I guess that would be when you pay $1000 PER TREATMENT. Gullible much?
- Last, there was no need to travel clear to Austria to get leeches when you got a big one named Ashton right at home, ready to suck the lifeblood out of you. Save you some money, baby.
Anyway, I’m grossed out. Would you ever consider doing the whole leech thing?
1041 days ago
[...] that they come up with stuff that’s obviously part of the disease (advanced cases include Demi Moore and Mariah Carey). Maybe we should start a charity drive? [...]
1042 days ago
[...] that they come up with stuff that’s obviously part of the disease (advanced cases include Demi Moore and Mariah Carey). Maybe we should start a charity drive? Hmm. Tags: bridget-moynahan, [...]
I shudder at the thought of anything creppy crawly on me. I was just waiting for Ashton to come out with camera people and lights for a “pop fiction” segment. Her skin looks great though.