This week’s episode of Glee, “Never Been Kissed,” is already being applauded for being one of the most tolerance-friendly episodes of television, ever (or something). Which I just don’t get: the boys (and Tina) use their butch football coach as a way to “cool down” during hook-up sessions, which, when “The Beast” finds out, naturally makes her very upset and quit her job. Who wants to be used as the female version of slamming your finger in a car door? But then Will comes by and makes Beast confess that she’s never been kissed, so he kisses her and makes the boys apologize, so now she’s all better? Uh. Yeah, one patronizing kiss from a halfway homosexual is not going to fix Shannon Beiste’s love life. At least, not until she and Sue Sylvester get together. But there was another subplot to this whole mess, that made this week work watching. And his name was Blaaaaine!

Winners

:
1. Blaine. BLAINE! Darren Criss killed it in the Katy Perry solo this week. Seriously, so hot. When will he and Kurt finally make out?

2. Kurt: For a long time now, Kurt and Mercedes’ love life have been sort of pushed to one side while everyone gets it on. Artie gets Tina and Brittany, but a black sistah doesn’t even have one romantic prospect? Meanwhile, Kurt’s been seen as “predatory” in his stalker-like lust of Finn and Sam. It was great to finally see him on the receiving end (so to speak), when he makes that homophobic football player finally lose it…and kiss him.

3. Artie: Hey, welcome back, Puck! Juvie treated you well? (No kosher meals, lolz. But lots of Eggos!) While you were busy trying to use Artie as your community service by singing “People Get Ready” and taking him to Breadstix, Artie actually came into his own this week, finally making moves on Brittany. Literally, I cannot wait for the two of them to get together.

Losers

1. Will: You condescending prick. Boys versus girls, again? You constantly brush the issue of Kurt’s sexuality aside, and when he wants to be on the girls team for Girls v. Boys (Round 2!) your solution is to make all the boys sing girl’s songs? What does that even accomplish? And again, that kiss, which I guess was supposed to warm our hearts to the fact that even ugly people can get a sympathy kiss from nappy-headed high school music teachers. Whatever.

2. Sue Sylvester: I mean, don’t get me wrong. I loved the confetti cannons. Loved, loved, loved the confetti cannons. But all you did this week was act as the instigator for intolerance, even though Sue’s motives are (as always) not what they seem. She doesn’t care if Beiste is gay, she just wants funding for her team back.

3. Everyone else: I’m sorry, were there songs in this episode? Did Rachel have a line? What happened? We were so busy looking at Blaine and wishing that he went to our high school that the rest of this week’s sing-along paled in comparison to the Rocky Horror episode. Which, by the way, I think I’ll go watch now.