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Jessica Simpson is making it too easy for me, folks. I mean, seriously – she is like the worst singer in the history of singers. Small children start crying when they hear her. Forest animals cringe in horror, scurrying to their dens. Aliens eavesdropping on our planet are all like “WHAT THE HALE, EARTH. WHAT. THE. HALE.”
And yet, Jessica ignores all reason and logic and continues to do her horrible yodel/scream/contortion act, even with the National Anthem. Scratch that – ESPECIALLY with the National Anthem. At a golf tourney yesterday, Jess decided to do her level best to decimate all that was pure and holy. Here’s a few pics – the facial shenanigans alone are worth a few lolz:
Stage 1: Jessica is just warming up her pipes. Somewhat mellow.
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Stage 3: BOOM. We are now in full-on yodel mode. Gird your loins.
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Stage 5: Critical mass has been attained. At this point, all you can do is put your head between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye.
But wait – I know a picture is worth a thousand words, but how about one of those newfangled video contraptions? I mean, come on, you don’t REALLY need those eardrums to survive, right? You do? Baby. Here’s the vid:
Jessica Simpson Sings at Golf Tourney
Le sigh. Keep praying for Jessica, she needs to know that Seven Pound, Six Ounce Baby Jesus will still love her even if she stops frying our brain stems with her demonic shrieking. I tell you what: let’s all zap her with our Baby Jesus prayers every time she gets up and starts to expectorate – maybe the combined thought power will achieve something that hundreds of bad reviews, ridiculous album sales, and common sense have not.
Image: Newscom
She is disgusting. I can’t stand her singing. Wish Jessica and her whole family would go away.
It’s a bit predictable now they way all gossip blogs seem to have followed Perez Hilton’s lead in hating on her.
Yeah the facial expressions aren’t great but she has become an easy target.
Forgetting the facial expressions she always throws down on the national anthem.
She does it a damn sight better than the Heidi montags and Britneys of the world.
951 days ago
[...] News Sources wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptJessica Simpson is making it too easy for me, folks. I mean, seriously – she is like the worst singer in the history of singers. Small children start crying when they hear her. Forest animals cringe in horror, scurrying to their dens. Aliens eavesdropping on our planet are all like “WHAT THE HALE, EARTH. WHAT. THE. HALE.” And yet, Jessica ignores all reason and logic and continues to do her horrible yodel/scream/contortion act, even with the National Anthem. Scratch that – ESPECIALLY with th [...]