Jessica Simpson’s Stalker Marce William Burchell Writes a Book About Their ‘Love Affair’ Even Though They’ve Never Met

Some celebrity stalkers/obsessed fans call the famous objects of their affection. Some camp out outside their mansions. Then you have Marce William Burchell, who’s never met Jessica Simpson but still decided to write a book about their alleged love affair. The title’s a doozy: The True Story of Jessica Ann Simpson’s 22 month long attempt to seduce a married man- her very Active Super Secret Sex life: True Story Jessica Simpson Seduction of A Married Man (Volume 1).

Sometimes the world just drops gifts like this into our laps.

The title’s nearly longer than the book, which is only thirty pages and is selling for $30 on Amazon. Marce has tried to get in touch with Jessica before — he’s even obtained her phone number, forcing her to change it more than once — but he must have figured that the best way to actually meet his idol was to claim that he had sex with her. Oh wait, we have that backwards; apparently he‘s the victim here.

As he told TMZ, ”This book was not written to hurt her, but was written as my only way to heal emotionally from the severe trauma and pain she put me through by her heartless cruel treatment of me.”

Back off, Marce — we’re the only ones who write celebrity fan fiction!