Joe Jonas Is Missing His Purity Ring

Where’s Joe Jonas‘s purity ring? The symbol of virginity-til-marriage Joe’s been wearing since childhood seems to have fallen off. Perhaps it’s because he’s no longer pure, thanks to girlfriend Ashley Greene? Not very subtle, mister. Joe, we can think of some better ways to let the world know you’re no longer a virgin:

1. It’s all in the strut. As the center of attention in a crowded stadium you’d have ample time to add a little oomph to your performance. We’ll messenger over some Elvis videos in the morning.

2. Write a song about it. You don’t have to call it “Naked Video Girl,” but sneak in some subtle hints. Innuendo, Joe!

3. Wear an impurity ring. And put it on the market. We guarantee you’d make a fortune.

4. Just come clean! Nobody really expects you to stay a virgin forever, so just be honest about it. You’d be doing your fans more of a service than you think.