Liveblogging Top Chef Season Finale, Part 2

The Second Half Hour of tonight’s Top Chef’s liveblog continues!

The chefs are running around in Emeril’s kitchen. Jeff is making sausage from scratch. One of the producers must really want him. And that producer must be male. Fabio is making way too much food and he won’t be able to keep it up. I think the only person I want to see go home is Hosea. Stefan is chilling out and isn’t making his own sausage, which is not a good idea. Everyone thinks Stefan is going to win, but I actually think the producers have been setting us up for his eventual upset.

Tom comes in with his dorky blue chef’s coat. I want Tom to be my grandpa. He’s right about Fabio making some kind of insane rabbit dish. Carla can’t open the oysters, which reminds me of when Ariane couldn’t tie lamb. Not good for Ms. Hall. Hosea has to make a good roux, especially for a New Orleans crowd.

Set up time at the new orleans museum of art, which kind of looks like a high school gym, no joke. Each cook gets a bartender. Jeff is making a cucumber mojito, which sounds so good right now (am drinking a Diet Coke at home, no fabulousness for me tonight). Stefan wants to go smoke yet again. Those crazy europeans, always smoking and mixing up their idioms. Carla isn’t going to make an cocktail since she doesn’t drink. Interesting.

Judges arrive: hooray for Gail Simmons!! All the dudes start asking Carla for help and she calls them out on not helping her to chuck oysters. You go, girl! Dudes always want help and they never want to help the ladies out.

The party starts. Carla makes a reference to flashing during Mardi Gras, more interesting looks at Carla’s past. The masks remind Fabio of a porno. Judges love the mojito – damnit, I want one sooo bad. Stefan’s black cherry and rum drink sounds like a junior high girl’s drink. Today is national crawfish day which is fitting for this challenge. The judges love Carla’s food, which is awesome. She defends her menu decisions to Emeril because she’s African American, ha! Hosea’s gumbo looks like straight up puke.

Service is over. Chefs are exhausted and wearing a ton of beads. Next up: judge’s table. The Millionaire Matchmaker ads are running and when Patti smacks her boobs when talking to the female millionairess, something inside me breaks. Also, playing match.com ads during reality shows is cruel. Stop reminding me I’m watching a reality show with a cat and diet soda, BRAVO! I’m enough of a cliche already.

Alright, judge’s table, ya’ll! I’m so nervous. Stefan gets called out for the fact that he didn’t care when he was in the kitchen. Carla gets lots of props for the stew, his beignets and her spritzer. My girl is so in the final three. So excited for Carla! At this point, I think Fabio is gone. The second loser is anyone’s guess. Gail is so pretty. Everyone’s all… Toby Who!?

Stefan’s food had no soul, just like him. I thought I would hate Emeril on this show, but I actually kind of like him. At this point, it’s looking like our Top Three are Jeff, Hosea and Carla. Total surprise on my part. But first: commercials for zip lock bags! I can think of a few good uses for those.

And we’re back! Ah, Emeril’s going to give a long ass speech and drag this out. Carla wins the challenge! Hootie-hoo, ya’ll!!!! And she gets the car! I’m so happy for her. Jeff doesn’t get to go on. Sucks, but at least Emeril likes his food. I’m sure his phone is blowing up right now. But now: one more loser! Hosea stays.

Fabio goes home, just as I thought. He tells Stefan that he better win or he’ll kick his ass. Okay, then!

And… one more week before we get a new Top Chef. I’m spent, and will be back at the blog with more thoughts on the episode tomorrow.