Michael Jackson’s memorial set for Tuesday, July 7

Michael Jackson‘s memorial service has been set for Tuesday at the Staples Center in downtown Los Angeles, which, hello? Only seats 20k people, and since they’re giving away free tickets, I’m guessing 10 times that number will show up. AT LEAST. Plus, I think there may be a holiday weekend coming up….let’s see…..yes, Fourth of July, so that gives the planners like what, one business day to plan an event that is going to be the biggest draw since the Beatles? Good thinking there, whoever planned that.

Here’s how I think Wacko Jacko would’ve planned his memorial. First, let’s get in the mood:

Ahhh. Okay, first, MJ probably would’ve wanted nobody but kids at the funeral. Well, and maybe some magical unicorns, if they could be rounded up in time. Ooh! And puppies, LOTS of puppies.

Next, he would have made everyone at the funeral sing “Kum Ba Yah” and hold hands around a giant campfire. You know, to combine their energies or essences or whatnot.

Last (if that wasn’t enough), Michael would have liked everyone to dress up as their favorite Disney character and walk around just giving each other high five’s. This would be followed close behind by a few dozen rounds of Jesus Juice, because hey! THAT’S HIS DRINK, YALL. You know it, I know it, and now we’ve just got to send this to the service planners and let the magic happen. Aww, yeah!

Image: INF