Parenting Lessons from ‘Teen Mom 2′ Reunion: Dr. Drew Just Wants You to Know That He Was Here

Dr. Drew mentions that he has triplets, so he knows how hard Leah has it with twins. After another ten minutes of annoying recap, Drew asks how Aleeah, the healthier twin, is doing. It's a good question - we have seen so much of Ali and her health issues this season that we don't know very much about Aleeah, so it's really nice to get some info about her.

Dr. Drew claims that Leah was "ambivalent" about her wedding, and she says "Marriage, to me, is a big commitment." Then he asks where Leah's dad was, and Leah just says that he's a jerk. I know Leah's mom was single, but we never heard much about her father, and I'm surprised that Life & Style magazine hasn't dug up a story about this yet. Leah says that Corey isn't like her father, and Drew claims she "almost blew it." I hate the way that Drew always makes shit on this show the girls' fault and acts like the boys are saints if they even stay marginally involved in their kids' lives. He practically gives the boys medals for changing a diaper every four months and I hate that shit. Drew then brings up the fact that Corey expressed interest in having a third kid but that Leah wasn't super excited. When Leah says she has the Mirena IUD now, Drew laughs and says "twins are the cure for pregnancy." They cut to Corey backstage nuzzling the twins, and I almost have a spasm from the rays of cuteness.

Corey comes out and they talk briefly about his history of crying on the show. Drew puts on his "amateur relationship therapist" hat and says that Leah still has issues from her dad leaving her and that Corey needs to understand that Leah loves Corey but her past issues sometimes cause her to feel insecure or not trust him. Dr. Drew is seriously the male Barbara Walters - his goal isn't to help people, it's to make them cry on national television. He also reminds Leah that she's lucky to have Corey in her life and brings up the stats about how few teen dads stick with their kids' moms. Corey says that they have a lot of family support and that his parents take the kids every Friday night so that he and Leah can spend time together, relax, and "reconnect." Drew says he sees "the strength in their relationships," and Leah says that she wants her children to be happy and not become teen mothers like her. Corey says he wants the kids to do as much as they can and that he'll do whatever it takes to help them. I believe him.

When asked what the hardest part of being a teen mom was Chelsea of course says "my relationships." She means "dealing with Adam's bullshit." Her flashback clip is Megan-heavy, but quickly veers into stupid Adam drama. We also get a nice flashback of Randy saying he won't support her unless she gets her GED, which is laughable now. It is nice that her hair is all one color now, but I don't think this ash blonde is the right shade for her - it's too light. Chelsea says that she and Adam are together again now. Is the audience allowed to boo? Because it's silent as fuck in there. I hate Adam. He comes out on stage and claims that he wants to make it work for Aubree, which is a total lie. The following conversation actually takes place:

DR. DREW: Do you love Chelsea?
ADAM: Yes.
DR. DREW: Do you like Chelsea?
ADAM: Sometimes.

Chelsea says she "helps" with rent, and that Adam doesn't "officially" lives there. He says his official residence is with his parents. Drew asks them how many times they've broken up in the last two weeks, and Chelsea says "Real breakups or just, like 'I'm done'?" It's official: Chelsea's transformation into Sammi from Jersey Shore is now complete. They both say they have thought about getting married, and Drew says it's good that they're holding off because it's bad to be trapped in an unhealthy marriage. As opposed to this current awesome relationship they're currently in, right?

Chelsea's dad Randy comes out and refers to the footage from the season as "a sugarcoated trainwreck." This is the clip we saw last week, and it's not any more fun to watch this time around. Randy says what everyone in the audience thinks, which is that Chelsea and Adam's relationship is stupid and abusive and not going to end happily. Adam's extremely mature response is to swear at Randy. This isn't even a fair fight. Dr. Drew brings up the cycle of abuse, or, as I like to call it "the cycle of shut the fuck up Adam Lind." Chelsea blames herself, saying "I don't want him to cheat." That is a completely normal reaction to have, and girl is so deep in the fuckedupedness of this relationship that she doesn't know what's up and what's down. Adam claims that Chelsea has also cheated on him, and Chelsea says that he dated someone else several years ago when the two of them were broken up. This is Ronnie and Sammi all over again, and it's not any better this time around. Chelsea starts crying (ka-ching, Dr. Drew!) at the thought of Aubree knowing that they fight or disagree, but Aubree is sentient and probably already knows. Adam says he doesn't regret anything he said about Randy. He admits that he once asked Chelsea to buy him a truck, and Adam claims that if Randy spoils Chelsea and pays for all her stuff he might as well benefit from it as well. He has half a point, but I'd bet Adam wants Chelsea's MTV cash.

Dr. Drew opens Kailyn's segment by mentioning that children born to teen parents are more likely to end up in jail one day and then segues into Kail and Jo's respective police issues - namely, when Kail's mom called the cops at the Riveras' house. Kail is already crying by the time her recap segment finishes, and Dr. Drew is frantically counting the dollar signs in his head. The "betrayal" issue comes up, and Dr. Drew presses Kailyn to clarify her relationships with both Jo and Jordan. She claims that Jo cheated on her while she was pregnant and that she never got over that resentment. She also says that she and Jordan started out casual, not wanting to be in a relationship, but that they fell for each other. As usual, she starts listing off all the things she does (work, raising Isaac, school) as if by rote. Look, it is hard to be a single mom, and Kail should be commended for all the work she's doing to make her and her son's lives better. But there's something painfully grating about the way that she keeps repeating the same facts over and over again in order to either martyr herself or put Jo down. "I always feel like the weight of the world is upon you," Drew says to her.

Enter Jordan. He says that it was really hard that Kail broke up with him because of her situation living with the Riveras, but that he understood, and that he tries to support her. Kail says she cries on Jordan's shoulder a lot, and I suspect that's just because Kail cries a whole fucking lot. Jordan admits that Kail is his first girlfriend, and Kail is shocked. They never talked about this? Seriously? This explains so much. No wonder she was able to whip him into submission so quickly. They say they are in love and have talked seriously about having a longterm relationship and that he does a good job with Isaac. Jordan also reveals that he and Jo haven't met and don't plan to, which ... um ... you know how these reunion shows work. That is going to happen in about five minutes, so pull it together. Kail says that she really tried to make it work with Jo but that she didn't want to stick in a bad relationship for the sake of the kid, and I don't know why she's never been this eloquent before. Maybe it's the time off, or maybe she secretly hired a media coach.

Jordan dodges a bullet, going backstage when Jo and Janet come out. What's with all the J names around here? Jo is pretty calm and collected, saying that he thought he and Kail were going to get married. Kail says it's hard for her to hear some of this, and that at one point she really believed they loved each other and would make it but she ultimately decided it wasn't worth putting up with all the fighting. Janet says that she does think Kail is grateful for everything they gave her (although you wouldn't know it from watch Kail stomp around during the show). Jo says that he cares for Kailyn, but he isn't in love with her anymore. Kail is crying THE ENTIRE TIME. I find it sweet and endearing when Corey cries because he's doing it while talking about how much he loves his kids, but when Kail cries it's because she is frustrated or needs sympathy. Janet clarifies that she didn't want Kail to date while living at her home because she didn't want to deal with Kail getting pregnant by someone else. Kail says that she wasn't having sex with Jo or Jordan, and then Janet speaks up for all of America by saying they don't need to talk about their sex lives on camera. Kail brings up the "I work and I go to school" party line yet again, and I have to say I am pretty firmly Team Jo/Janet right now - they keep their voices down, they don't get emotional, and they stay respectful. For once, someone on the show admits that they watch the show, and Janet says her opinion of Kail changed after the episode where she had Jo drop her off for a secret date with Jordan. You and me both, Janet. Instead of apologizing or explaining, Kail keeps crying and says she feels ganged up on. Dr. Drew says that Janet is great and has been good to Kail, and Kail reluctantly concurs and hugs Janet. The invisible audience claps.

Drew asks if she has a job, and Jenelle admits that she's "looking." This is going to be just like Maci where as soon as she got her MTV dollars she moved to a new city and "took the summer off" to spend time with her boyfriend. Dr. Drew announces that kids born to young mothers are more likely to be victims of abuse. That's our segue into Jenelle's rollercoaster clusterfuck of a recap. Dr. Drew calls Jenelle out on her hypocrisy and all her big talk about being a good mom which was in no way backed up by her actions. She said that cops had already caught them once at the house where she and Kieffer got arrested and told them not to go back, but that they were stupid and did it anyway. Dr. Drew asks about Kieffer and Jenelle admits that when she's with him she forgets about everything else. I don't think Kieffer is Jenelle's disease; I think he's a symptom. She consistently chooses bad men - remember Andrew, Jace's non-daddy from her 16 and Pregnant episode? She says that she's afraid of being alone and that she jumps from one relationship to the next because she doesn't get any affection from her mom or the rest of her family. "I guess you can say we're currently broken up," she says, which sounds like Chelsea/Adam language, and that she felt like Kieffer was using her for her money and her car. Dr. Drew says that Kieffer was not asked to the reunion, and that Jenelle should tell him to "Fuck off" (which is so unlike his prim and proper self!). She looks into the camera and, in fact, tells Kieffer he's a douchebag. Dr. Drew asks about Jenelle's relationship with Barbara, and Jenelle says she's "planning" to move out, which sounds like it's right in line after "planning" to go to college and "planning" to break up with Kieffer. I don't think she'll ever follow through.

Jenelle says that her mom does love her but that she doesn't say so often enough, and blames her mom for "making" her yell at her. Frankly, I think the fact that Barbara hasn't throttled Jenelle makes her a candidate for sainthood. Jenelle says that when she was crying over Kieffer Barbara pointed out that Kieffer was a loser instead of comforting her and telling her it was OK. Barbara is right, though. Barbara and her accent say that Jenelle claims to have broken up with Kieffer constantly but that they're totally still together. Because Jenelle is the only teen mom who hasn't cried yet in this episode, so he asks Barbara to hold Jenelle's hand and say she loves her and point out a few things she likes about Jenelle. After about an hour, Barbara says that Jenelle is strong. Along with some coaching from Dr. Drew, she manages to say that Jenelle is ambitious when she puts her mind to it. Drew asks if Jenelle is lovable and Barbara says no. Drew asks what Jenelle could do to be lovable, and Barbara suggests that Jenelle think about anyone besides herself. "I think you've burned your mom out," Dr. Drew says, and I concur. Even though Jenelle won't cry, Barbara does. Proving her point exactly, Barbara says that Jenelle treats her badly and Jenelle makes it all about herself. Then she says she's going to walk offstage and refuses to engage, so Drew changes tack and asks why she keeps going home again. He correctly points out that it's unhealthy for Jace to be around all the fighting, and Barbara says that Jenelle only came home for the free place to stay, not because of her son. Jenelle admits that if she hadn't become a teen mother she would have bailed as soon as she graduated from high school and moved somewhere else. I really, truly wish that had happened.

After the commercial we recap the part where Jenelle complains about her mom not hugging her when she was sad about Kieffer. There are recaps within recaps? No wonder this thing was an hour and a half long.

All four girls and the kids come out for awhile. In a part of the show that is completely not scripted at all, Leah asks how Chelsea deals with her dad and Adam hating each other, and Chelsea admits that she compartmentalizes and avoids them being around each other. Chelsea then asks Leah how she handles having two kids, and Leah says she takes it one day at a time. Groundbreaking journalism, people. Jenelle asks Kailyn if there was a hard part about filming, and Kailyn says that it was hard not having a stable place to live - that's fair, but that is more about her life than it is about issues related to filming. Because Barbara's point wasn't proven enough, Jenelle makes Kail's answer about her. All the girls interject and say that even though the show captured bad moments, they want their kids to watch it someday. No one asks Jenelle a question, which is awesome. They bring out the kids, and Aubree is wearing a leopard print outfit. And that's a wrap, people. I need a drink.