Parenting Lessons from ‘Teen Mom 2′s Unseen Moments’: Barbara Gets a Moment In the Sun

Chelsea, Adam, and Aubree head to the animal shelter to play with kittens. Aubree is still rockin' the teeny-tiny snork ponytails on top of her head. Look, show, you can try to push this "Chelsea and Adam are a happy couple" storyline all you want, and I will never, ever buy it.

Later, Chelsea goes to get her wisdom teeth out. Her dad is there in the waiting room, so it seems to be his dental office but a different dentist peforming the extraction. When Chelsea says that the procedure will make her cheeks puffy, Adam says "I'll make fun of you." It can't be any worse than the time she was pregnant and he called her a fat stretch-marked bitch, so whatever. When Chelsea comes out of the procedure with puffy cheeks and a giant-ass bandage around her head, Adam follows through on his promise and rags on her. A winner, that one. As much as I hate Adam, this scene confirms that Chelsea is one of those annoying girls who asks her boyfriend "Am I pretty? Do you like me? Are you going to break up with me?" every five seconds, and that is a far worse look than a head bandage.

Chelsea tries to bond with Adam by taking an interest in the only thing he seems to care about - his cars. Still talking in her horrible baby voice, she takes Aubree into the garage so they can see the car that Adam is working on. When she says that a baby seat won't fit in the car, Adam says that Chelsea isn't welcome in the car. She asks if he's going to be working on the car every night instead of spending time with her, and he doesn't hesitate before saying yes. He says that he plans to spend five or six grand on the car and that he "finds the money in the street." I hate Adam and his non-child-support-paying ass so much. Adam tells Chelsea that as long as he's working on the car he'll be home, as if that's some kind of achievement, and not with other girls. Later, they try to watch a DVD together. Adam wants Joe Dirt and Chelsea wants The Notebook. Could they be bigger cliches? They settle on Joe Dirt, because Chelsea is a complete fucking pushover. I didn't need any unseen footage to tell me that. She announces "my hand is lonely," but Adam doesn't take the bait and hold her hand.

The MTV cameras caught a "rare" phone call between Jenelle and her ex-boyfriend/maybe-baby-daddy Andrew. He says he's OK with signing temporary custody over to Barbara, even though Jenelle isn't. Andrew tells Jenelle that she's not ready to be a mom, and Jenelle gets pissed. She says "I've changed" a couple of times, and we've all heard that before.

Later, Jenelle talks to her friend Amber - oh, the irony! - who gives her some Silly Bandz. Jenelle talks about how she's single and "hasn't had sexual relations in six months." Jenelle says she misses emotional intimacy and having someone to cuddle and hold hands with. She hilariously says she "doesn't want to date some lowlife who doesn't have shit going on their life," which should have been juxtaposed with an inset picture of Kieffer getting arrested. Amber and her blue eyeshadow tell Jenelle that she is "attracted to douchebags" and that she shouldn't keep staying with those guys.

Next up, Jenelle and Kieffer go to a food pantry because they're too broke to buy food. The woman at the food pantry says they'll get beef, chicken, and their "miscellaneous meats," which turns out to be pig's tail. The food pantry is set up like a small grocery store, so she and Kieffer pick some stuff off the shelves. I'm so glad that places like this exist, but not when dimwits like Jenelle and Kieffer get to take advantage of free food programs because they've spent all their money on pot. They bypass the eggplant and spinach but pick up some Hot Pockets. Priorities! Kieffer notes happily that the selection at food banks in North Carolina is way better than in New Jersey.

There's another Jenelle/Kieffer scene, and this time they're in her car, which starts making weird noises. Turns out the sound is one of her tires popping. They manage to pull over in time, but Jenelle starts crying and freaking out. She's genuinely upset now, unlike all the time she busts out crocodile tears to claim that she loves her kid. Kieffer lectures her about not having a spare tire, and Jenelle calls Triple-A. I'm so glad she found a boyfriend who has his shit together.

Kail's unseen footage comes after she left the Riveras' house and went to live with her mom. It seems like this living situation was just as tenuous as the earlier one, because she and Suzi get into a fight about Kail not telling her mom where she's going or when she's coming back. "If drama and chaos is what you need, then I don't need it in my home," Suzi says, which is surprisingly insightful - I've thought for awhile that she and Jo were weirdly addicted to each other and their stupid relationship drama. Dr. Drew then says that following this incident with Suzi, Kailyn moved back in with Jo's family. I am so confused about the timeline here.

Later, we flash back to Kailyn on a date with Jordan. She has Isaac with her and enlists Jordan into helping change his diaper. I think this is supposed to be a "cute" couple scene, but Kail and Jordan are both personality black holes.

Jo gets a scene too - he shows off his rapping skills to his older brother Eddie. After the rap, Eddie asks how things are going with Kail. Jo says he doesn't care if Kail moves out, but thinks she's being unrealistic about what she can afford. He says he thought about "giving her a G or two" and then telling her to get lost, and that he's sick of her using his money to buy beauty products instead of diapers and stuff for Isaac.

Flashback to the scene where Kail's mom picked Kail's stuff up from the Riveras' house. Kail gets into an argument with Eddie, Jo's dad, and it suddenly makes sense where Jo's temper comes from. Kail starts screaming about how Jo cheated on her while she was pregnant, Jo's dad yells at her for lying about having a boyfriend, and omigod we've seen this scene like 600 times already. Eddie smokes a cigarette and practices his "I don't give a fuck" face. It looks like the one I have on my face during all of Kail's scenes.

We rehash Leah's 16 and Pregnant episode and get a reminder that she cheated on Corey with her ex-boyfriend Robbie. In this clip, she discusses it with a male and a female friend, who both pretty much tell her that Corey is justified in his anger. I'm also reminded how much better Leah's hair looks now. Meanwhile, Corey is hanging out with his friends, who ask if he has been in touch with Leah at all. Corey gives a noncommittal "not now" and says he's been meeting other women.

Later, Leah hangs out with her sister Victoria and asks her to be the maid of honor in her wedding. Victoria announces "I need to get a tan!" which explains a lot about why Leah looked so absurdly orange in the reunion special, if that's how members of the Messer family prepare for important events. Leah mentions that Corey "won't let her" work, then adds that Ali needs her. "They both need you," her mom points out. Well done, Leah's mom. There's another scene where a clearly exhausted Leah and Corey have a contest about who has gotten less sleep. Corey snaps that he's tired of fighting every day and swears while complaining about how annoying it is. Is this scene a response to all the rumors that Corey and Leah are having marriage problems? They got a sunshine-and-roses edit this season because of Ali's illness and the need for this show to feature someone remotely functional, and this fight seems like a normal everyday couple fight. It actually makes Corey and Leah seem more realistic.

Leah takes Corey to the salon and makes him get a pedicure. He takes off his camo-printed boots (of course) before sticking his feet in the water. Leah teaches him how to turn on the settings on the massage chair. Corey makes funny "I'm getting a massage" noises.

That's right - someone at MTV has heard all my prayers and is acknowledging that Barbara is as much a mom (albeit not a Teen) as the other women on this show. She gets her very own segment! She and "Grandpa Mike" take Jace to the beach. (Remember when Jenelle said in her 16 and Pregnant episode that she was going to be a good mom because she would take her kid to the beach? Game, set, and match Barbara.) Mike says that with Jenelle gone he and Barbara hardly ever argue about everything. Barbara says that she was just like Jenelle when she was growing up and that Jenelle is a "clone" of her, and that she's hard on Jenelle because she knows what it's like going through all those experiences. Seriously, as much as Barbara is a yeller, I love her and totally feel for her. I really hope this dedicated segment means that MTV is paying her.