Parenting Lessons from Teen Mom: The Importance of Oral Hygiene

FARRAH

DO: Beat issues into the ground.
What are we going to do tonight, Brain? The same thing we do every night, Pinky: Talk about whether or not Farrah should move to Florida. In another rehash of the same old conversation, Farrah’s mom urges her not to rush into anything, lest she end up regretting anything. Shen she starts sobbing. It’s kind of hard to watch; Deborah, it seems, honestly doesn’t understand why Farrah has to go so far away, and furthermore, why she has to take Baby Sophia with her. Farrah may be utterly unsympathetic, but at least Bitch Farrah hasn’t appeared yet. She sends Sophia over to give Deborah a hug, because it would be asking too much to have Farrah do that herself.

DO: Be mindful of your oral hygiene.
Also, it’s Farrah’s dad’s birthday, and as a birthday present, Farrah has decided to inform him that she’s getting braces. What a great birthday present! Oh, and not only is she getting them, she’s getting them THIS WEEK. What happened to all the consultations that go on before one gets braces? Maybe braces have gotten less complicated since I had them. Anyway, later on, we discover that Farrah also decided to take her dad out for dinner, which is an infinitely better birthday present than sharing news about one’s orthodontics. Over dinner (during which Sophia does nothing but suck the ketchup off her fries), Farrah and her parents try to patch things up. They’re heading to counseling together soon, so hopefully that will help mend things as well. Farrah does say, however, that if she gets accepted to the school she applied to in Florida, she’s going. Definitely. With or without their permission. Awwwwkward.

DO: Go to counseling.
And guess what shows up in the mail the next day? An acceptance letter! Time to start dealing with the idea of Florida for reals. To her credit, Farrah calls her mom to give her a heads-up about it; it’s probably something they’ll want to talk about in counseling, and somehow, it doesn’t turn into a big huge stink over the phone right then and there. Naturally, this is the first thing to come up once the family actually makes it into the counselor’s office. Farrah informs the counselor that she’s heading to college in Fort Lauderdale. And how do Farrah’s parents feel about that? They both say that they want her to do it, but they worry about Sophia. Bottom line: Farrah’s mother doesn’t want Sophia to go with her. She wants her to stay here with them.

And of course, at this most dramatic of moments, my cable went wacky and the sound disappeared. I watched Deborah gesticulate wildly but silently for a few minutes; when the sound came back, she was still in the middle of a tirade about why Sophia should stay with them, rather than go to Florida with Farrah. The counselor nods, because that’s what counselors do, and says that she understands; however, this is Farrah’s decision, and that’s something that Deborah is just going to have to square with. Deborah, of course, starts crying. Farrah doesn’t quite go full Bitch Farrah here, but she starts getting a bit of an attitude. The counselor points out that Farrah is under no obligation to inform her parents of her plans—ever—but that since she is, it means that she does, on some level, want them involved. Deborah, on the other hand, should be a little more careful, because the message she’s sending Farrah is “I don’t trust you.” The counselor has known them for, what, maybe half an hour? An hour, tops? And she’s already got them all figured out. Why they didn’t do this sooner is a mystery to me.

DON’T: Listen to the counselor.
But all is not well. After a brief detour to the orthodontist, which Farrah apparently went to right after counseling, Deborah and Michael discuss how they think the meeting went. Deborah isn’t happy with the fact that the counselor essentially told them to back off. She also thinks that “somewhere in the middle, there’s a situation that would make everyone happy.” Like what? Cloning Sophia? Splitting her in two? Things are getting a little to biblical here for my taste.

And because Deborah is incapable of just dealing with shit she doesn’t like, she sits down with Farrah to talk about the shit she doesn’t like—in this case, the fact that she didn’t like what the counselor had to say. Deborah is starting to come across a little bit like a teenager herself now. I mean, yes, I understand that Deborah is upset; yes, I understand WHY she’s upset; and yes, Farrah bugs me a lot too; but Deborah just doesn’t seem to understand that it’s not up to her where Sophia lives. Again, I’m surprised at the lack of Bitch Farrah in this episode, but now she just seems to be shutting down instead, and I’m not sure if that’s really any better.

DO: Consider points of view other than your own.
Surprisingly, after that conversation, Farrah considers that maybe her mom has a point about Sophia being better off staying where she is. So what’s a girl to do in this nuts-o situation? Call her sister, of course. Ashley doesn’t really know what to do; since Sophia is Farrah’s child, it’s entirely up to Farrah. She also says, though, that she can see both sides, which kind of makes it seem like she’s just trying not to piss anyone off. Understandable, given the volatility of this family. Anyway, Ashley ends the call by telling Farrah that whatever she decides, she’ll support her in it, 100 percent. Farrah concedes that it might be easier to leave Sophia with her parents—but she doesn’t know how she’ll be able to make herself do that.