Paris Hilton wants a baby in 2009

Image details: Paris Hilton – Fragrance Signing And Photocall served by picapp.com

You’d better start stocking up on the freeze-dried meals and bottled water RIGHT NOW, folks, because clearly, Armageddon is coming our way. Why, do you ask? Because Paris Hilton is planning on having her herpes-ridden body produce some kind of Satanic offspring in 2009.

Yes, it’s true. Her biological clock has apparently clicked into overdrive, and her ovaries have now switched over from battling various horrific STD’s to actually, you know, PRODUCING VIABLE EGGS. Boyfriend Benji Madden appears to be kind of for this idea, although I am guessing that ol’ Paris there probably hasn’t sprung it on him that she wants to bear his children, just that she wants to have sex. A lot. Which is most likely the extent of their conversation anyway, so no change there.

Honestly, Paris might be a good mother, if she just hands over the baby at birth to Angelina Jolie. Oh, who are we kidding. Paris’s va-jay-jay is entrance only. Does she even KNOW where babies come out? I say we don’t tell her until she’s literally in the delivery room, just so we can see her wonky eye start whirling around. That would be funny.