Prince writes song to Salma Hayek

So I have a confession to make. I have never, ever, not even vaguely, not even when I was tipsy on apple cider and sausage, EVER thought that Prince was remotely sexy. The whole naked thing he did there for a while, his Purple Rain phase, the stupid symbol deal, etc. never appealed to me. All my friends in high school went gaga over him, seriously drooling over his Oompa Loompa self squeezed into those purple pants, but I just stuck to my Luke Perry poster. Dylan FTW!

Prince has decided to come out of the woodwork with a slightly stalkerish song about Salma Hayek, written to her daughter Valentina. Here are the lyrics:

“Hey Valentina, tell your mama she should give me a call/ When she get tired of runnin’ after you down the hall/And she’s all worn out from those late-night feedings/and she’s ready for another rock and roll meeting,”

Um, no thank you? Yeah, that’s pretty much what I would say. Now if Luke Perry was singing that song to me, that would be a whole ‘nother story. Shoot, let’s bathe ourselves in a little bit of Dylan goodness RIGHT NOW: