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Last week, an article was printed by the Associated Press about how this season of Real Housewives of Orange County was showing the ladies having money issues. The rest of us collectively said: DUHHHH. And that’s all I have to say about that.
On to my Very Important Thoughts on last week’s episode. At this point, we all know that Simon and Jim went on the “girl’s trip” to Florida keep their little ladies Tamra and Alexis in line. Frank Curtin stayed home to cry in a stack of overdue bills and Donn Gunvalson had to go to his job that pays him money, neither of which Jim and Simon appeared to have during the taping of the episodes. Naturally, not one to miss a free trip and an opportunity to be on camera, Slade Smiley showed up. What a surprise!
The girls went on a boat trip through the Everglades, which consisted of non-stop screaming. I have to say that Lynne, doped up on Percosets, was more coherent than I’ve ever seen her. She should be doped up all the time! Or at least, on prescription pain pills and not what she’s usually high off of (life, silly! certainly not drugs!). Afterwards, the girls went to dinner, where Vicki pointedly asked her why of all the “boys” in the world, she went with Slade. I have to hand it to the crazy old broad: that was an awesome moment.
Because, the truth is, Vicki knows Slade rather well. Not only because he was on previous seasons, but because he dated Lauri Waring, who used to work for Vicki and rented a house from her. Maybe this was brought up but not shown, but Vicki totally knows Slade’s deal. I think it was a valid question and I actually think it was brought up rather calmly, as opposed to Tamra’s YOU WENT TO BASSSS LAKE outburst at last year’s Javier’s dinner. Gretchen did have a point: Jo broke up with him 4 years ago, but it was obvious they were still in each other’s lives. Remember when Gretchen showed up as an “extra” in Jo’s music video? It’s not like they had zero contact and were estranged. It’s pretty obvious Gretchen is the kind of woman who needs to have a man in her life, no matter what. And while I provide snark, I am not a doctor (I know you thought I was one!). Get thee to some therapy and learn how to live without a man for two seconds.
So anyway, Vicki decides not to go to the club with the girls, which honestly, I can understand. Going out with couples can be awkward, but when both Slade and Simon are there, who both hate Vicki, why put yourself in that mess? Go up to room, and drink yourself to sleep like a normal woman! Or buy a Percocet off Lynne and have a little fun. If Vicki could stand talk to Lynne for more than a second, she would have had a lot more fun on this trip.
The next day, Tamra and Vicki got manicures, where Vicki muttered her now famous “your husband looks at me with hate in his eyes” line. Did anyone feel like this episode had excessive closeups? Maybe they are all in HD now but after the close-ups of Tamra and Vicki’s face, I feel a very peculiar closeness to both of them. In other words: no more close-ups! They are freaking me out.
Simon, Slade and Jim go to lunch and Simon says in a talking head that “men don’t gossip.” And then proceed …to gossip like they are 15 year old girls at lunch time. In another hilarious move, Slade says Vicki is desperate for attention. I’m sure you would know what that’s like, Smiley! Simon is upset because Vicki is a “bad influence” on Tamra. Considering Vicki is likely one of the few people outside her nail tech that Tamra knows who actually works, I think Vicki could be a great influence on Tammy Sue. She could teach her how to open a bank account with her very own name! Of course, Simon doesn’t want that.
The lowest of the low on the Florida trip was the following exchange, after Vicki refused to go on the sunset cruise for guessing (accurately) that it would lead to being the odd man out as all of the couples made out:
VICKI (to Tamra): Don’t tell anyone I’m up here in my room crying in my Juicy sweatpants.
TAMRA: Sure! I got yo back, girl! OC in da hizzouse!
TAMRA (enters the limo with the rest of the gang): Vicki is upstairs crying in her Juicy sweatpants. PS, we’re all having dirty martinis on the boat.
Complete backstabbing nonsense! On the boat, Jim chided Alexis for having her ass hang out of her dress, but said nothing of her boobs being on display. Gretchen, for no reason whatsoever, took out chicken cutlets and stuffed her bra with them. Alexis and Jim pretended to be outraged in response. Okay, what!? The only person allowed to have her tits on display is Alexis? Come on.
The winner in this scene was Lynne, who caressed the air and called it her “imaginary husband.” Bravo loved it so much they of course made a montage:
What did you think of this episode? Was Vicki right to be so upset? Did you like the husbands?
Nothing wrong with Jim’s comment about Alexis not having her ass hang out, he was just obeying the 11th Commandment “Thou Shalt Cover Thy Chattel’s Booty When Her Tits Are on Display.”
Clearly Jim is the only Godly one of these folks!
(I also found myself on Team Vicki, which ALSO made me question my life.)
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Wow. You covered every single piece of snark I had for this episode. I can’t add a thing. Thanks!
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I am so glad you called out simon for being a two-faced liar! You left out one of his better quotes from that episode, “Wasn’t Jim and I nice to Vicki, where is her appreciation towards us…” or something like that. Simon you are a TOOL!
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TMZ is reporting that Lynne and Frank have a warrant out for them for failing to appear in court yesterday. Their lives sound like a complete mess.
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I have a hard time having any sympathy for Vicki considering the horrible way she treats other people. She’s just reaping what she sowed. Like other nasty, judgmental bullies, she gets upset when anyone even remotely pulls the same crap on her. I think she’s also scared that in her world she is WAY past her prime (no matter what plastic surgery she might have) and there are younger, more Barbie-doll-esque models coming up behind her snatching at her heals. Soon, she will be put out to pasture by her husband who is going to find himself a Tamra or Gretchen type that won’t nag him to death. He deserves one for all the years he’s put up with Vicki.
It never ceases to amaze me what horrid, morally diseased people these semi-affluent, straight, white, “conservatives” really are. They all reallllly deserve each other.
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*sigh* I wish the editors at bravo would just edit slade and co out of the episodes!
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[...] On tonight’s episode, Simon and Tamra’s relationship continues to suffer. When we last hung out with our girls, Tamra was being forced to choose between her friendship with Vicki and her slave contract (oops, [...]
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Lynne is completely boring, fake and way too insecure!! She looked totally ridiculous in that little white dress with her gut hanging over her underwear-the show could do without her! She is a clueless mother and obviously very much a dirtbag-three evictions but mother/daughter plastic surgery! And her daughter Alexis!! What a little butch! Constantly crying and whining about feeling left to the side, nobody listens to her – every episode! Gretchen, honestly concerned, trying to be supportive and the little bitch acts so surprized and offended! And Lynne should get a major grip on her mess of a life!! She is an Ugly, creepy, irresponsible idiot!! I wish Bravo would get rid of the Curtain family! Nobody can stand Them, Tamra, the little simpleton bitch and worthless mother to Ryan, and Vicki, the fat, mean, whiny has-been! Vicki needs to realize, trulely successful, wealthy people NEVER need to talk or brag about their success or money! Last nights episode was BORING-Vicki did this for attention!! She is so over and can’t handle it!! Tamra is getting what she deserves with a big divorce-who’s laughing now!! The new housewife??? Was she this big Christian when she committed adultry with her first husband?? And she is a little too old to wear her dresses up to her ass and please at least pretend to cover a little bit of your breasts already! Two nannies for three kids – she is completely selfish and a total idiot to preach about religion and the devil-all this woman worships is money and herself!! The OC he are boring and stupid!
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Conservative is right. I was going to call Gretchen out on Twitter for tweeting that she attended Saddleback Church w/ Alexis, one of the biggest supporters of CA’s Prop 8, which Gretchen went so far as to pose for photos for the silent photo protest against it. I guess it’s okay to be pro gay-marriage when you are posing for photos, but you still attend and maybe even give money to Saddleback? So gross.
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