Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Barbie Recap:

Boo! It’s Mauricio’s mom Estella post-face lift. I felt a little bad about Estella getting plastic surgery, because it seemed more like something Paul forced on her than something she actually wanted. But hey, at least she’s wrinkly enough to warrant it? Upon seeing her mother-in-law covered in bandages, Kyle nearly fainted, then proceeded to bawl in her husband’s arms. I’m not sure what she was expecting right after surgery, but I’ll concede that Estella looked legit frightening. Here’s hoping she’s not Jocelyn Wildenstein when the bandages come off.

Later, Kyle and Mauricio had dinner with Taylor and Russell at their house: it was a strange, stilted evening made all the more uncomfortable by the knowledge that Russell would go on to kill himself. I feel like a monster just watching this, so I can’t even imagine how Bravo sleeps at night. (On a pile of gold coins, probs.) Russell brought up an Us Weekly article saying that he and Taylor had separated, then heavily implied that Lisa leaked that information. Nothing a lawsuit can’t solve! “Again, I’m not accusing Lisa,” Russell insisted before accusing Lisa again.

The big party this week—pretty sure they’re contractually obligated to have one each episode at this point—was Mohamed’s Moroccan-themed engagement bash for Pandora. On one hand, I really want an obscenely wealthy friend like Mohamed. On the other, I don’t need any camels at my parties. They spit. All the ladies showed up, except for Kim who was otherwise engaged. (Like the episode title, you guys.) I don’t do animated GIFs, but surely someone can supply me with one of Taylor freaking out about the snake? Thanks in advance.

Unfortunately I don’t have any mermaid Barbies, so please use your imagination here. The really important thing to take away is that Mohamed had a mermaid at the engagement party, and that said mermaid was totally batshit. “I’M A MERMAID,” she wailed. “I’M SPLASHING.” It was basically like the pool sex scene in Showgirls, minus Kyle MacLachlan and any actual nudity. I’m still not sure if this woman was invited to the party, or if she was just a local mermaid in search of a good time. Either way, what.

Here’s something awkward! Lisa once again asked Taylor if she was OK, apparently unaware that Taylor thinks Lisa is a tabloid tattler. Well, she’ll find out in court. Anyway, Lisa did show remarkable restraint in asking after Taylor’s wellbeing without forcibly putting food in her mouth. I also thought Lisa handled the Russell situation well: turns out he and Mohamed had a falling out, and he was not welcome at the party. Have I mentioned yet how incredibly unsettling it is to see him on this show? It bears repeating.

Hey, let’s talk about Kim’s secret boyfriend. I’m not in the business of commenting on people’s looks, so I’ll leave that to other Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recappers. I’ll just say Ken (which, awkward, now we have two of them) wasn’t what I expected. I mean, that Ken doll (not to be confused with Lisa’s Ken or Kim’s Ken) is a very flattering depiction. I mean, he kind of looked like Calibos from Clash of the Titans. Anyway, I’m happy that Kim’s happy, although the implication that her family is crazier than she is struck me as charmingly naïve.

Back at the engagement party, Kyle decided to step up the crazy in Kim’s absence. After watching Mohamed’s dancers sensuously contort themselves, she decided to prove she’s still got moves. And she does, although I never really doubted Kyle’s flexibility. She and Mauricio definitely have the best sex life of any of the couples on the show, not that that’s something I think about, ever. It’s nice to see Kyle really let loose—I prefer the Richards sisters when they’re balancing the eccentricity.