Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 3 Reunion: Part 1 Recap

Andy Cohen asks what happened the night before, to make Jacqueline skip the reunion. Caroline gives a vague answer, saying that Jacqueline couldn't bear to look at Teresa. D-R-A-M-A. Later on, Teresa says that they can't take about the strip-club-boss/Posche fashion show incident, citing that they can't talk about it because it will be shown on season four. After 19 episodes of the most stressful season in Real Housewives history, AC already has the ladies filming again? Does he have a death wish?! Side note: Andy said he is writing a book! Please, God, let it have a ton of dirt on the Real Housewives that we've always suspected that he's hated; namely, Teresa Giudice, Danielle Staub, Jill Zarin, Alexis Bellino, etc.

Kathy tries to point out to Teresa why Caroline was offended by the things she wrote in her cookbook, while the rest of us are pointing at Kathy, wondering, "Who are you again and why are you here?" Seriously, she was the only other person in Teresa's life who hated Teresa that Bravo could find?

Woah, woah, woah. Am I awake or am I dreaming? Did I really just hear the all-knowing prophet Caroline admit she was WRONG?! I mean, if Caroline, made a mistake, then what do I believe now?! Is God still real? What about Danielle Staub? I need to sit down.

"I... d-don't... have a large... f-f-forehead!" Is the world really so cruel to give two sisters-in-law the most extreme forehead sizes possible? And, I'm sorry, but I must say I believe what Caroline said about Teresa instructing her to never compliment Melissa. I can totally picture her saying that.

Oy vey, Andy. You're still not over Teresa pushing you down during the season two reunion? How do you think Joe Giudice feels after sex? I have to say, though, it is a little fishy that Danielle and Melissa would be in contact. Isn't that the tricky thing about this season, though? Clearly, Melissa and Kathy were asked to be on season three because Bravo knew they would bring the drama, as both didn't get along with Teresa. So, it's hard to reconcile the fact that, although we like Melissa and Kathy, they basically joined to join forces against Teresa. I mean, it's kind of hard to like someone, after you know that their main reason for being asked to join the show was to tear another cast-mate down. That's the genius of this season though: the inevitable back-and-forth pull of our loyalty to Teresa to our sympathizing with Kathy and Melissa.

I. Am Not. A Whore.

I seriously questioned Teresa's sanity when she tried to explain her reasoning for not inviting her brother, Joey, and Melissa, to the Brownstone season two premiere party. She said she didn't invite them because they just had a baby. Hello?! Isn't that the time when parents would most want to get out of the house? Even if they couldn't come, they should have been invited. To this, Teresa says to Melissa, "If you were a good wife you know what you should have done... you woulda called me and said, 'Teresa, I know I just gave birth..." I am seriously questioning her sanity. And what was she wearing?! This isn't a Mrs. America pageant, sweetie. Tone it down a notch.

Ya got trouble, my friend, right here in Jersey City! I'm not 100% Team Caroline, but it's highly unlikely she made up everything she said that Teresa said, especially if we believe that Teresa is at worst a liar and at best, very confusing to understand.

Teresa, Teresa, Teresa. You really need to check with a PR person before you ever say anything again. First, Joe insults the gays, then Gia gets in trouble for poking fun at Hasidic Jews, then Teresa (accidentally?) makes a generalization about Jews. And guess what orientation and religion Andy Cohen is? No one can save Teresa from herself. She's just going to keep digging a bigger and bigger hole for herself. Pull it together, sister!

How funny was it when Teresa was trying to defend her extravagant Christmas presents and try to make them seem thrifty?! Teresa says, "Gia was asking me for an iPhone. I'm like, 'You're not getting that.' She got an iPod Touch-" and Melissa interrupts, "Gia has an iPhone," and Teresa replies, "Now she does... but for Christmas she wanted an iPhone and an iPod Touch and I said, 'One thing.'" Way to crack the whip there, Tre! Her lawyer and PR person definitely had to pour themselves a stiff drink after that scene.

I totally agreed with Caroline when she said that she felt like she was getting stupider, listening to Teresa's version of the truth about her legal issues. As Melissa said, it's all public knowledge. There are things you can deny, but her legal trouble is pretty substantiated. I laughed out loud when Teresa said she wasn't sure how much she owed, and Andy said, "You should look into that," and Melissa said, "So Joe Giudice is the go-to guy for business advice?"

Caroline said Joe's business matters don't exactly add up and Teresa said, "I'm confused about the Brownstone." She also called Caroline "Don Caroline" in her blog and said she's "Italian, in more ways than one." As a Manzo and a Laurita, I wonder what Dina thought of these recent Mob insinuations by Teresa. Stay tuned for part two...