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Bravo/Kelsey McNeal
Oh, housewives. Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County is when the ladies started to earn the “real” in their title, except for new housewife Alexis and her husband Jim, who at this point, are on an entirely different show. I would say they’re on a whole new planet, one where eating a donut leads to an immediate 100 pound weight gain and where instead of saying “Yes,” we say “seven carats” (or as Gretchen Rossi likes to say on her blog, seven CARROTS. I think she was referring to what Alexis usually orders at a restaurant. It’s not fattening at all.) I don’t care what anyone says, the relationship between Alexis and Jim creeps me out. The way Alexis mixed up the horseradish for her darling little husband makes me think that one of my commenters was right a few weeks ago — she probably does put his beer into a sippy cup! And it proves that Jim, not Alexis, is the “high maintenance” one, like she says in her intro. Which also: UGH. I hate when women act like being a diva is cute.
Anyway, on to the Real Depressing Messes of Orange County. Lynne and her Rock Boobs decided to get a “youthologist” for their daughters, Alexa and Raquel. I have to hand it to this woman: didn’t even bother to get any letters after her name and is probably charging a fortune to deliver the same assesments any RHOC viewer has naturally come to, for free. Let’s see her diagnoses: Alexa needs more time with her mother and Raquel needs something to do with her time besides drink. There, done and done! I accept payments in used BMWs and bottles of wine from your licquor cabinet. Also, she kept asking the girls what “changed” and none of them brought up that their mother has a pathological need for attention and has sold the rights to their lives and images to a production company who can now broadcast these images in perpetuity through out the universe. That’s kind of a big issue.
Tamra and Simon, as we know,took over Vicki’s “barbecue” storyline to focus on the fight between Simon and Tamra’s son Ryan. Let’s make it personal: watching Ryan on the show is hard for me because my brother is a lot like him. What he did to Tamra and Simon while they were away: take Tamra’s car without permission and then act like it was no big deal, is totally something my brother would have done and his reaction would be exactly the same. Given that Ryan has over 20 traffic violations, it’s no wonder Simon was pissed. Knowing what someone like Ryan is like, I can’t really talk any kind of trash over how Tamra is acting. There’s not much she can do, except deal with the new bullshit he will bring into her life as it comes. The flippant way he glossed over going to jail is also something my brother would do.
Bravo/Isabella Vosmikova
Anyway, enough about me, let’s talk about Gretchen! Without Slade around, Gretchen isn’t annoying at all. This is the first time she’s appeared as a human and not as a caricature, hee-hawing about having sex and peeeenk motorcycles. It was incredibly sad to see Jake and Jill Beitzel, who’ve likely put up with way more shit than we realize for being associated with the show. I don’t know if I entirely buy that they’re as close as Gretchen says, but whatever. These sad segments are sucking out my will to live.
Finally, Vicki imported in an out-of-state date for her daughter Briana. This made for some terribly awkward times for Briana, who I’m hoping took her date to funner places than a fro-yo shop. But that dude looked like a total zero. And did anyone hear that Colby broke up with her to get with a seventeen year old? Consider yourself blessed to have been dumped by him, Briana. A better dude will come along, and he won’t want to go out with girls in high school.
What did you think of this episode? Do you think Simon was right to keep Ryan out of his house with Tamra until he apologized? What did you think of Gretchen’s visit to Jeff’s grave site? And did you all spot former OC housewives Tammy Knickerbocker and Quinn Fry at Tamra’s Bunco party?
So here’s what me and my group thinks: Alexis was a loser before, cheating on first husband and is a real gold digger besides real housewife and her current husband is ugly as sin but money talks! Forget Lynne; instead of shoving those ugly boobs around at the gym and pushing those ugly cuffs, take care of your alcoholic daughters and step up and take parenting classes, you lazy no good show off!!!!
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Alexis and Jim are beyond creepy, and Briana’s date looks like a tool. But I wouldn’t expect Vickie to have good taste!
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I think Simon was 100% correct about Ryan, who sadly is a BIG LOSER! He is lazy and has no motivation. Tamra needs to do the tough love bit with this guy so he grows up. I’m so sick of Tamra in general though, she is so insecure and thrives on all the comments her “fans” tell her on FB. She has this group of idiots who constantly praise her and she feeds off it.
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I think Simon should keep Ryan out of the house period. Apology or not. Ryan has shown he is totally irresponsible and doesn’t care about consequences for himself, let alone anyone else. So why would anyone trust him in their home? They should change the locks and security codes and give his photo to the guards at the gate of their gated community so he doesn’t show up uninvited when they aren’t home.
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Ryan is beyond creepy – he looks old enough to be Tamra’s husband. What is he – 23 years old? It’s time to get his sh*t together. Simon is very correct about wanting an apology. Tamra better watch out – she better side with her husband and let her “little boy” finally grow up. Her marriage is going to slip away fast and say goodbye to all her little parties that Bravo must be paying for.
Lynne is totally clueless and her husband looked like a down on his luck bum. I can’t believe she is able to function in the outside world.
Now where do I start when it comes to Alexis and her controlling, self-centered husband. Is the money really worth it to be ridiculed in public, constantly being told what to do and how to act (remember Jim stating “My wife will not try on lingerie with MEN in the room!” Jim looks like a butt ugly hustler who never really made it. Thank God I don’t have to sleep with him – he probably tells her when it’s OK to moan.
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I can’t even comment on this episode, for the first time in my life I’m at a loss for words.
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Jim, Alexis’ husband, is a TOOL. I think it’s funny that “GOD” is the first thing
in their lives, because she sold her soul to the devil when she married him.
He, his ego and $$$ will be controlling her for the rest of the marriage. He treats her like a piece of property and she knows it. Every time he berates her, you can see her eyes glaze over, calculating the insults alongside the SEVEN CARATS and the
SEVEN CARATS always win.
Ha! Good Luck…
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Ryan’s statement that he chose jail over community service cannot be correct! My guess is that the prosecutor yanked the plea deal of community service for either failure to follow through with it or for subsequent violations.
I do feel for Tamra with Ryan. That’s a tough spot she’s in. It appears to me (disclaimer: I am not a mother) that she indulged Ryan a big more once she and Simon married becuase she felt guilty that Ryan’s early years didn’t have a two parent household. The result is that Ryan thinks he can get what he wants and does not listen to authority figures.
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Maria, we all know your passion for TOP CHEF but seriously, your “Real Housewives” recaps and blogs take the cake. I think deep down inside your a Real Housewife at heart. GREAT BLOG!!
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The OC Housewives are really bumming me out too! All of the story lines are really hard to watch. Alexis and Jim are really really creepy. Lynn’s kids are unbearable to watch. Tamra’s son Ryan is such a trainwreck it makes me almost angry to watch him act so immature. I hate to say this but Slade is becoming the least annoying person on the show for me. I actually missed him last episode. I do miss the early OC Housewives. I’m not sure how much more of the OC I’ll be able to watch. ;( I can’t wait for the NY and the Jersey girls to come back.
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OK has anyone else noticed what a horrible person Vicki is? In her blog she justified being mean to the new housewives in the past because she wasn’t told in advance that they were getting a new castmate…WHAT? Bravo didn’t check with Vicki before hiring someone? Don’t they know who she is??? Still no apology.
Her most recent blog states that she STILL thinks it was a good idea to bring in someone from Indiana (pit hole state, sorry but it is) for her daughter, even after seeing her daughter say how uncomfortable she was several times! Vicki still won’t admit she was wrong.
She never apologizes, thinks she is perfect and refuses to acknowledge that she may have been wrong or made a mistake. I cannot stand that woman and am totally embarassed that she keeps reminding people that she’s from Chicago!
I totally wish Jeana would come back and they would get rid of Vicki.
I think the only real reason Vicki wasn’t mean to Alexis right off the bat is that she too, like everyone else, is scared of Alexis’ husband, he is not to be messed with! lol Love your columns!
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last season, i was unhappy w/ simon for joining in w/ tamra’s crazy, predatory, co-conspiratorship w/ jay by his being on the phone w/ jay for an hour or so at 1 or 2 am at night to talk gossip about a woman simon had no business talking about. either simon was really whipped or just really sick like tamra & jay.
but this season, simon has grown some backbone & has been doing his best to show that he’s not going along w/ all the tamra-idiocracy. so, i’m glad that when tamra was trying to manipulate him by crying in front of him at vicki’s party on national tv, IT DIDN’T WORK. tamra should have been doing the crying shtick as part of a guilt trip on RYAN INSTEAD. for all of tamra’s manipulation usages, HOW COME SHE’S NOT BEEN USING THEM ON THE PERSON SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN USING THEM ON FOR THE PAST 23 YEARS? come on now… take a page from vicki’s machiavellian version of mothering.
tamra AND lynne need to be under vicki’s tutorage on how to manipulate your kids into doing what you want and accepting it being done to them. look at how whipped brianna is. she was made to spend a looooong 3-day first date(which is how brianna coined it) w/ a guy she wasnt attracted to AND THEN sat QUIETLY rolling her eyes in SEVERE DISCOMFORT all the while vicki set up a future visit for them to this guy all the way in HIS STATE.
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Starting with Tamra, Simon and Ryan; Out of kindness a couple of years ago i loaned my car to my ex-husband who repaid me by promptly hitting someone…the accident goes to the insurance of the OWNER of the car…if Tamra thinks she has money issues now, geez…if Ryan had had an accident in her car, bad news. Doesn’t surprise me that Ryan preferred jail, i have a stepson did the same thing, sadly, not a shock.
Now on to Alexis; I’m gonna cut her some sympathy on the first husband, he “pretended” to be a friend on the internet to get her to confess…what, the guy from “Cheaters” wasn’t available? In other words, it sounds like another overcontrolling man in her…oh this is getting depressing…I MISS Jeana…there, i said it!
PS…Nice to see Tammy AND Quinn AND Jeff’s kids on the show.
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Alexis & Jim are just plain strange, I would not be surprised if he was verbally abusive behind closed doors. There is something wrong with that man and something more wrong with her for not seeing it and having kids with him.
Gretchen visiting Jeff’s kids was depressing, I felt bad for his daughter when she said she was hurt by the staff Tamra spread around. Hope Tamra felt like crap after seeing how much she has hurt Jeff’s family.
I like Simon this season. He is finally fed up with Tamra’s white trash ways and I totally agree that Ryan (a 24 year old grown man who acts like he is 8) needs to apologize on Facebook which is where he insulted Simon.
The fact that Ryan can’t even freakin apologize to Simon shows that he is just like his low class loser mom.
Vicki flying that guy in was weird, she is way too controlling and involved in things she really does not need to be involved in.
Wish they had shown more of Tammy Knicerbocker and Quinn, I always liked them.
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i can’t stand alexis and her husband. They are a poor example of a healthy marriage. You are not a housewife with 2 nannies Alexis dear!!!!
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I just watch the show where Vicky wanted to have girls weekend and to be honest these husbands are totally wrong and arrogant. You are controlling and I am old fashion and a Christian as you aspouse to be and let me tell you your actions say a lot about yourselves. I like to wager within the next 5 years you will find yourself divorced, your wives don’t look happy, watch the show and look at their faces you are controlling and to buy them if they have any substance they won’t live that way for long. Vicky was right to feel hurt if it wasn’t going to be a girls weekend then you should of said so and kept your wives home not ruin her weekend, it was her idea to have some fun with the girls, are you men so insecure that you won’t allow your wives out of your lives. It is not a great marriage, it is control and insecurity. I know many of have great marriages and the wives are allowed to have their own minds and take a break with the girls.
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Jim reminds me of those old Italian mafia bosses who expect the wife to ahere to their every whim……PLEASE!!! Alexis is totally what to expect in that way. They are the WRONG choice for this season……and has anybody noticed how the OC gals are getting worse and worse???? Only one still remains from the first season-Vicki. Whatever happened to Jersey??
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I like Jim, I think he has the most common sense out of all those OC men. Don is wooped with the rest of Vicki’s–don’t bite the hand that feeds you loathsome brood; Slade is a white trash idiot who was controlling of Joe in the first Housewives; Simon should never have married white trash if all your gonna do is berate her.
Jim, tells it like it is, and its Alexis’s problem if she can’t communicate (stand up for herself) what appears to be ass kissing bimbo–lets all get along and hug cumbya–logic! And Alexis acting like she’s in Junior High–girl fight–only proves that Jim has to keep her in line and from embarrassing him and herself.
With regard to Lynn!! Ewe!! She is pathetic! Put the pills down Lynn and start parenting your daughters. Stop trying to be their friend…they need a mom who will lay the rules down!
I kinda think Gretchen actually has more brains than all of them!
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Jim is really creepy, sort of like the guy in “Sleeping with the Enemy”, and Alexis hops around catering to him, mixing/cutting/dicing his food as if he were a baby. He is condescending with her, yet she looks up at him with her big bambi eyes like he has “so much wisdom” – YUCK! wonder what he’s like when the cameras aren’t rolling!
Lynne has got to detox – she is obviously on something! Even when she’s sober – she’s not all there, such an airhead. Her daughters are headed for disaster while Lynn’s dressing up like an eighth grader – what a trainwreck!
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