Real Housewives of Orange County Visit Italy and Get Tan

Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County was offensive to me on many levels. I felt this one hard, you guys. I But I’m not disturbed because of the continuation of the Tamra and Gretchen fight. That shit is tired and played out and I am over it. I did find it interesting that Tamra, when storming out with Vicki, mentioned that Gretchen got “1.7″ million dollars from Jeff and not the 2.5 that was reported on TMZ. That just seems like a really specific number to throw out there.

From there there was the tanning party, which I’m glad to see the producers got out of the way immediately. Tanning parties in OC are to independence parties in Atlanta and charity planning get-togethers in New York City. Lynne brought her daughter Alexis who asked if she could have a drink, which frankly is what I would want too, especially after Slade hogged the camera time away from the women by insisting on tanning nude and putting a sock on his junk. But he’s just so WACKY! GET IT!If I were him, I’d be concerned that an underage girl was there while I was running around naked. But then again, Slade doesn’t careabout kids.

Vicki’s storyline is Her Great European Adventure. Unlike the traditional rich kid who backpacks in Europe once done with college, who’s parents give them an Amex and a plane ticket to go discover themselves by sleeping with a Dutch dude in a hostel, lucky Brianna not only gets her mom to come with her, but also her grandma. Man, first she doesn’t get go to Dave Matthews with her boyfriend and now she has to endure this. Free Brianna!  I was mortified for them in the restaurant where they couldn’t figure out how to order despite the fact that their waiter spoke decent English. I’d also like to enlighten them to these amazing things called guidebooks and the Internet, where you can read about what hotels are actually like, so you don’t pay $600 a night to stay in a closet.

The true kicker of this episode, what drove me over the edge, was Mommy & Me plastic surgery time. Lynne and her daughter Raquel, who you may remember from last year’s drunk bowling incident went with Lynne to good old Dr. Ambe to get a consultation for a nose job. It also looks like Dr. Ambe may have snuck in a boob job some point in the off season.  Not saying she did, but she looked way different in her on camera interview outfit this season.

What was infuriating was Lynne telling Raquel she looked like a “Playboy bunny” and then telling telling the camera that she thought she was setting a good example for her daughters by getting a face lift so they could be as hot as she was when they get old. No wonder these girls are so messed up; Lynne has taught them that their only worth is in their looks and that is all they should strive for. When they all went to lunch post doctor’s appointment, their food looked untouched. Alexa’s crying about the surgery seemed rooted more in all the changes her family has probably gone through since going on the show but she killed it when she brought up the real reason: jealousy that the older sister was getting all the attention.

Speaking of, Jeana and Kara went to H & M to do some shopping for their Authenticity Points, although dropping $200 there is not something “poor” people do, so fail on that. Go hang out in the Target clearance rack and pick up a t-shirt for 2 dollars and then we’ll believe you. What was most confusing about this segment was Kara complaining about her waitressing job and having Jeana ask what she was talking about. My mother interrogates me on an FBI type of level about my life, so how could Jeana not know that Kara had a job?

Finally, TamRA won her authenticity points when she met with her realtor to discuss the over decorated Tuscan splendor that is her home, which is apparently worth exactly one case of Simon’s tequila. By the way, the house is currently in short sale escrow and listed as looking at backup offers (I have NO IDEA what I just wrote, I am just copying what it says on Zillow.  What is real estate again?), so Tammy Sue and Simon did not get foreclosed on, much to your chagrin.

The other more disturbing scene in the episode also belonged to Tamra and Simon, when going to dinner with new housewife Alexis and her husband Jim. It may not be obvious but I am a hardcore women’s libber (and lover of old-timey slang) so the entire conversation, with the whole weirdness of Tamra swearing she “obeys” Simon and Alexis buttering her husband’s bread and making him a plate when the cheese course came up, was seriously revolting. Alexis and Tamra are grown ass women and to see their husbands talk about them like they were children who needed to be told what to do and reined in was not okay.

Images: Bravo/Evans Vestel Ward