Tears, Tears, and More Tears from the ’16 and Pregnant’ Season 3 Finale Special

Because MTV has not wrung enough money from the limp rag that is 16 and Pregnant, season three is going to have a reunion show and this week’s “Life After Labor” special. Oh, and Teen Mom starts up again next week, because you really didn’t think MTV would let any poor recappers get some days off, did you?

Life After Labor-ing commences! The ten women from this season are sitting on chairs on a big stage while Dr. Drew checks out his reflection in the camera. Everyone except Drew is slouching and looks incredibly uncomfortable. As usual with all of these followup specials, the goal is to make every single teen mom – and anybody else who appears on camera, like parents and boyfriends – to cry.

JORDAN WARD

Although we already knew that Jordan and her baby’s father Brian Finder got married after her episode ended, we get confirmation from them. She’s wearing giant blue earrings and he has on a blue shirt – not sure if they planned to match, but it’s kind of cute. We then have to sit through a horrible recap of Jordan and her sister Jessica crying and fighting with each other. Jordan says that if she could do it again that she would be smarter about birth control, which sounds kind of funny considering we already know she’s pregnant again. But I still like Jordan more than just about any of these other nitwits, so whatever.

Aaaaaaand cue crying. Drew asks Jordan about her abandonment issues, and the waterworks come on as she talks about her parents leaving her with her grandmother and how she and Jessica only had each other growing up. As Jordan stops crying, Drew brings out the twin sister Jessica and asks how the experience has been for her. “Seeing her cry made me cry,” Jessica says, and Drew lights up at the idea of more tears on the show. Jessica says that she was suspicious of Brian at first but that he has stepped up and been a good dad and she likes him now. Interesting fact: both Brian and Jordan are the results of teen parents. Jessica says that she’s the first person in her entire family to go college and she wishes that Jordan could have done that too, and there are more tears. Jordan admits to a little bit of jealousy and cries again saying that she is glad she can count on Brian but that she also wants to make something of herself.

JENNIFER DEL RIO

If there was a “Episode from this season I would least like to rewatch” contest, Jennifer might win it. Everything about her episode, from the twins to the deadbeat dad to the arrests, was a major downer, and she didn’t have any redeeming personality traits. I fast-forwarded through the recap of her episode and went straight to Sad Times with Dr. Drew. He asks about Jennifer’s relationship with Josh, and she says that her mom knew she was sexually active and “has gave her” (sigh) lots of contraception options, which obviously didn’t matter. Jennifer admits that she didn’t tell her mom so much as “let her find out.”

Then Jennifer’s dad comes out and says he wishes he had been more involved. Jennifer says that now she’s “considering” getting on Depo, which shows that even giving birth to a damn kid isn’t enough for some of the girls on this show to get the message about birth control. Jennifer’s dad brings the awesome and says he isn’t going to criticize Josh on camera. Cue Dr. Drew asking about the restraining order! Jennifer says that Josh wanted to “see to it” that she went to jail and was raped there, and that’s why she got the order.

DANIELLE CUNNINGHAM

Ah, Danielle. She was one of the ones who didn’t register much for me during her episode, but since it ended she has said lots of dumb/funny things about not understanding how circumcision works, and that has been amusing. Danielle is already crying when they cut to her on the couch, and she’s sitting with her mom Casey and babydaddy Jamie. Drew asks Danielle why she’s crying, and she just blubbers something about how a lot has happened in a year. Casey chimes in that she was a teen mom and didn’t want her kid to get caught in the same cycle and so she feels like a failure. Casey says that she got Danielle on birth control but Danielle admits she got lazy about taking it. (And about schoolwork, apparently.) Drew asks Jamie and Danielle about their relationship and Jamie says it’s “rocky” but they’re together right now, and they both admit that they had a huge breakup a few weeks ago but got back together. “It’s not easier to run away because it don’t solve nothin,” Jamie says sagely.

Drew asks Casey about her parenting and has some very leading questions about whether she was a mom or a friend. Casey starts bawling and says she was more like a friend sometimes, and I really have to wonder if Drew just says this shit to get a rise out of people or if he knows more about their relationships than we see on screen. Because right now he just comes across as a jerk who likes making people cry. Casey has a really unattractive cry face, the poor thing. Drew makes Casey apologize to her daughter for not raising her the right way, and it’s really exploitative and gross. Jamie steps in and tells Casey she’s a great mom, and Danielle agrees. Danielle says that her mom won’t drive her to GED classes, and Drew yells at her to get her own license and then plugs the 16 and Pregnant website. Oh, and the baby is doing well. Thanks for the afterthought.