‘Teen Mom’ Needs A Drink(ing Game)

Any MTV reality show is terrific drinking game fodder, but Teen Mom is better than most– maybe because everyone on it isn’t getting smashed themselves all the time. It’s no fun to play a drinking game to scenes of people who are drunker than you are. But it’s great fun to play a drinking game to scenes of family drama, so grab your sippy cup, fill it with your booze of choice, and get rolling!

That guitar riff plays: Take one drink.
A conversation is staged to provide exposition: Take one drink.
The conversation is between a mom and her as-yet-unable-to-understand-words child: Take a drink for each word the kid can’t understand.
A voiceover happens: Take one drink.
Ryan says something idiotic and insensitive: Ugh. Take one drink and toss it in his face.
Maci gets defensive about it: Of course she does. Take two drinks.
Kyle shows a glimmer of personality: Amazing! Take one drink for each glimmer!
Farrah is here for BOOBS: Take one drink for each cup size.

Catelynn has to move again: That sucks. Take one drink for each move.
Tyler is coming with her: That’s not so bad! Take one drink for independence.
The children are ADORABLE: Awwwwww. Take one drink for each adorable thing each kid does.
Tyler’s mom tells him he’s too young to be doing something: Take one drink for each thing he’s too young for.
A wild Dr. Drew appears: AGH! TAKE THE BOTTLE AND THROW IT ON HIM!

He uses tear-inducing therapy (it’s super effective): Turn that bottle into a molotov cocktail!
Amber and Gary break up: Of course. Take one drink.
Amber and Gary get back together: Ho hum. Take two drinks.
Leah gets caught in the crossfire: That poor child. Take three drinks and get her the hell out of there.
Amber won’t shut up: Take a big ol’ swig.
Gary won’t shut up: Take another big ol’ swig.
A montage happens: Take one drink for each image.
The montage is set to incredibly depressing music: Take one drink and get emo. Siiiiigh.
The montage is set to incredibly peppy music: UNHEARD OF!