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Before we begin, let me apologize: the final 10 minutes of last week‘s episode of True Blood didn’t record (on my imaginary television), so I missed the important development of King Russell declaring Vampire War on a local news channel. I hope this image macro will make it up to you!
Luckily, this main plot development of Russell committing vampire terrorism (which is a little more topical than were-business, but just barely) will only lightly be discussed this week, as we focus on a hundred new things. For instance: Sookie is part fairy, descending from a clan of fairy rapists! Lafayette is part Shaman, descended from a tribe of whatever. Suddenly his whole weird doll collection makes more sense? Lafayette’s boyfriend Jesus is also part Shaman, but Mexican, and also his evil sorcerer uncle is out to get him. Crystal can turn into a jaguar, but it’s still unclear if she’s a shape-shifter or what, because her redneck daddy seemed to be pretty adamant about hating shape-shifting Sam before Sam went psycho on his face. Holly is a Wiccan who peddles pot and can make babies disappear, but Sam doesn’t want any religion in his bar, which is giving perhaps an unnecessary amount of credit to Wiccans. Jesus (not the Mexican), did I miss anything? Oh yeah, vampire real estate paperwork. Big part of this episode.
Actually, let’s focus on that for a second: Eric is trying to hand over his bar (and farm? Eric has a farm) to Pam, because he’s pretty sure he’s going to die. So he brings some attorney into Fangtasia to hand out the necessary documents and get signatures and make it all official. But wasn’t the whole thing the first season that vampires couldn’t inherit property because that law hadn’t been passed yet in Congress? It may have passed in the second season and I’m just being nit-picky, but if I wanted to watch a show about sci-fi politics, I’d turn on Battlestar.
Aaaand: If both Sookie and Lafayette have special powers from their ancestors, wouldn’t Jason and Tara have them too? Or I guess being a Shaman/fairy is sort of a recessive gene. In any case, the show is doing a good job of making us not hate Tara, because the writers obviously hate her more than we do. After seeing her boyfriend shot in the head, getting kidnapped and raped, watching her rapist blow up, it finally looked like something nice was going to happen to the worst character on television when she got her first season wish of making out with Jason Stackhouse. After which he promptly told her he was the one who shot Eggs. At this rate, if Tara doesn’t end up killing herself it will end up being the most unbelievable thing on a show that centers around vampires, werewolves, and fairies.
Sam flash-sideways to an episode of Lost where he is Sawyer having a flashback to his days pulling a long con. Honestly…what? Sam used to be a professional thief who shot his girlfriend and her lover, and this is the first time we’re hearing about it? That seems a like something that would have been brought up before, maybe last season which was 50 percent back story about Sam.
Hoyt and Jessica make up when she gets him to feed off her after Tommy turns into a dog and bites him. Pastor Steve is back on TV! Terry tells Arlene to keep Rene’s baby, which is obviously his decision to make. Sookie shouldn’t trust Bill, even though he promised that he doesn’t love her only because of her delectable fairy blood, which also lets vampires walk in the daylight for a bit, which is an added bonus. Eric and Sookie make out. Eric locks Sookie in his dungeon-basement. And in the 5 minutes of screen time Russell has, he finds a prostitute who looks like Talbot and stakes him, to get some closure on that whole mess. Who said vampires don’t have feelings? Oh that’s right: Almost everyone on this show, at some point.
Next week: We find out Santa Claus is real, because what’s left, really?
BLAH BLAH vampire emergency BLAH.
Sometimes, I wish i hadn’t read the books, so that the series would be even more riveting that it already is. However, had I not read the books, the suspense to all these issues would be staking me right in the heart. I absolutely love all the new twists they are throwing in there. And I’m almost 100% certain that half ( or more ) of them won’t unravel until next season. The intensity and suspense can only get worse with the next two episodes. The LaLa and Jesus ancestor roller coaster ride was totally trippy and completely awesome. Remember when LaLa’s mama said ‘they’ were coming for him? The “vamps and the witches and the cats and the wolves” (cats probably being, oh say, werepanters (*ahem* crystal), weretigers etc…. ) their family must have a deep twisted past with the supernatural community. (As to Tara and Jason not having a supernatural “gift” even tho LaLa and Sookie do…. well, you know how that lovely gene pool likes to bestow some thing on some but not on others (the ability to sing, big boobs etc, we aren’t all blessed the same). But think about Jason… and his lady skillz…. perhaps the fairy in him is contributing to that? (yes i read the books sorry not trying to spoil just making a point.) The Sam issue…. whoa! I didn’t see that coming, but NOW we know why there was never any “record” of same before he came to Bon Temps (remember Andy having doubts about Sam’s past? we just THOUGHT they told us the whole story! After all, just like in real life, just when you think you know someone, something about them sneaks up and bites you on the ass). Sookie and Eric’s make out session (though i will admit was a little bit forced on Sookie’s part, i can tell she aint diggin Eric right now) was really exciting, and i would have been pissed about it being interrupted if it hadn’t been for Pam’s “Blah blah vampire emergency blah” which absolutely cracked me the eff up. I hope Jessica got Tommy good for pulling that dumb stunt, poor Hoyt! But when Hoyt popped Tommy it was classic! SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT but what I REALLY wanna know is what the HELL is Eric’s plan with Sookie? Is he going to keep her in the dungeon to lure Russell there so that he can kill him? Is he keeping her prisoner for her own safety? Why the collar on the neck in the funky dungeon then?!? What else is Bill not telling us? And were (haha pun intended) the hell is Alcide? Can’t wait until next week!!