Lifetime’s Drew Peterson: Untouchable: The Highlights Reel

This happens less than five minutes in: Drew and Kathleen are having sex, when his (and her?) son Justin walks in. Drew gets up to discipline the kids but stands there naked while Justin gawks at his dad's package. When Kathleen scolds him for letting his son see, Drew says the above line. Several times over the course of the film he refers to himself as Big Daddy, including while he's trolling the bars for wife number five.

A runner-up for best quote goes to these two from Kathleen in the actual scene pictured, not because they're cheesy but because they're awfully prescient. "I feel sorry for you. You actually thought he was a catch," she tells an oblivious Stacy. "I used to be you, and one day you'll be me." Even though she means "married to a psychopath," what the meaning ends up being is that they're both dead.

Stacy says this to her sisters, as if it's somehow a good thing that Drew might be using her for her looks and naivete.

Drew learns an important lesson in this movie: Never murder a woman with two sisters, because they'll nose into her disappearance and go to any length to investigate her death.

Horndog and ladies' man Drew gets awfully puritanical when it comes to his own wife and mother of his children, scolding Stacy for babbling about her lactating breasts at his son's graduation. Because in Drew's world, it must mean that she's cheating on him.

It's never clear if Drew is that crazy-jealous of Stacy and the imaginary men lusting after her, or if he makes a point to say these kinds of things in public so as to create the kind of persona that makes him sympathetic: Stacy as a cheating whore and him as a cuckolded husband. Either way, it's chilling.

This gem is what Stacy tells her well-meaning neighbor Karen (Catherine Dent) right after she walks in on Drew shoving her around. The nonchalance is hilarious as both Drew and Stacy try to shake it off... but only a few scenes later, she's had enough and is ready to go. Too bad Drew won't let her.

All of the scenes where Drew tries to, in his words, inject some "levity" into the situation of his wife's disappearance/murder are appalling, not least because Rob Lowe plays them with such a smarmy, self-satisfied expression. Consider when he rolls out of the garage on his hog, speeding past the camera crews. Or when he and Karen are standing in her bathroom and he says the above line... which almost sounded like a confession of killing Kathleen.

As I predicted, the best part of this movie came near the end, when Karen gets too nosy and Drew decides to teach her a lesson by opening and closing her garage door: If he could kill his wives in their houses, then he can easily break into hers and make it look like an accident.

Maybe it was just me, but there was something hilarious about this line earlier in the movie, when Drew catches Stacy having lunch with an ex. (She was trying to remember how brave she used to be before marrying Drew and having his children.) In some weird power play, he "lets" them continue eating; when the guy protests, Drew (in full cop uniform) says, "Who you gonna call?" and it took all my power not to shout "GHOSTBUSTERS!"

This is the last line from Rob-as-Drew, and it's as incredible as the line that started the movie. As always, Drew Peterson (or Lifetime's version of him) is self-obsessed and assumes that everyone else is, too.

I wish I could find a video fo Rob Lowe slo-mo stripping for the guards to include in here, because it's just so fantastic.