Valuable Life Advice From The Real Housewives Of Orange Country

Tamra met Gretchen for mojitos (one berry and one reg) and offered her an actual apology for something super dramatic that I'm guessing happened last season. I've watched enough Housewives to know that an actual apology that's not laced with hidden innuendos and passive-aggressive intentions is extremely rare among these women.

Gretchen kept waiting for Tamra to throw in a "I'm sorry, but..." but Tamra never did. So Gretchen had no choice but to accept it.

Yay for mature adult behavior?

Vicki's in quite the pickle the season. Turns out she's in the process of divorcing her husband Donn (I guess when you're that rich, the extra N in your name comes for free) and he's still living in the house. Even though Vicki's already dating someone new. His name is Brooks, he's from Mississippi and for some vague reason I'm 90% sure we're going to find out he has some kind of prison past.

Anyway, Vicki needs to the sell the house and get a new one (presumably for Brooks to live in when he gets out of prison) and she runs around the house showing her son the correct way to plump and present pillows. It's funny because I was debating between watching this show and a realty special on public access and it looks like I lucked out because I chose the show that covered both.

Alexis has a new job on a local television station in San Diego and has no time to cook her kids a well-balanced breakfast.

(We also find out later in the episode that she has no time to learn her new home phone number, but really who does these days? Oh, what's that? Everyone with a phone knows their number. Oh okay, yes then Alexis is an idiot.)

So she does what every working mother does, cooks up a batch of hard boiled eggs and prays for the best. What else could she possibly do? She has a very important job as a correspondent on Fox 5 in San Diego.

I was so so happy to see this extremely important and relevant issue covered on the show. It seems like everyone's always like "Black History Month!" or "Breast Cancer Awareness Month!" or "Should we go skiing over the long MLK Day weekend?" No one ever, ever remembers to take a moment and support National Booty Awareness Month.

Thankfully, for all of us who have booties, Alexis stepped up to the plate and spoke (well, spoke might be a strong word, but there were words coming out of her mouth is some kind of order) about the most underrated month in the world as part of a live segment on her new TV gig.

I can't believe I even had to type that because it seems like such common sense. But for some wacky reason Tamra wasn't aware of this "duh" rule. Thankfully Heather, being from real money and all, knew what was up and informed Tamra that would be the only option for her.

Why woud someone, especially a wealthy someone, want to overlook a shopping center. What if they saw their help shopping? Awkward!

Although I can't tell any of the housewives apart yet, I'm already invested in this Jim's penis size story line. It's so intruiging and I'm so happy Tamra pushed Peggy to reveal the truth last night.

Although Peggy didn't tell us the exact measurement, she did a lot of umms and pauses that alluded to the fact that Jim might have a large penis. Or he might have large sex toys.

This is the number one reason to watch the show this season. Republican, Democrat, pro New Girl, anti New Girl, it doesn't matter. Jim's penis size is an issue that all Americans want and need to know about.

And that's the valuable life advice I got from this week's Real Housewives of Orange County? Did I miss anything important? Is there any way to tell these women apart? Are you excited for next week? (And next week's recap?) Tell me in the comments!