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Oy Vey. I’ve started doing little cleanup chores around the house when certain singers come on, because let’s face it – they are just killing time till their asses get voted off. Yes, Blake Lewis, I’m talking to you, you semi-hipster. Stop with the Jamiroquai crap already, mmmmkay? Go back to Pike Place Market and join the rest of the lameos dancing on the street corner – here’s a porkpie hat for the donations that you’re sure to rake in.
Okay, so here’s a few vids. First, we have Chris Richardson. You could tell Diana Ross was like "oh my god this kid sucks." Yes, you were completely butchering her song, Chris. It was so bad that I had to put it on Mute, yall.
And here’s Jordin Sparks, singing "If we hold on together" from Land Before Time. Yeah, any song from a retarded movie about baby dinosaurs is just SURE to be a winner. Plus, Diana Ross is pretty much making up crap the entire show – she seemed to be trying not to laugh most of the time.
Blake Lewis just completely embarrassed himself with the techtronica crap – oh, you got on your computer and made the song your OWN, now, did you, you little computer nerd. Yes, we’re all so happy for you that you can use Windows Media Player. Jackass.
I think I would like Chris better if he would stop singing. IMMEDIATELY.
Lakisha knocked it out of the park; she’s getting sympathy with the single mother vote thing. Diana Ross got pwned.
Stephanie Edwards, here’s an idea – stop listening to your damn Beyonce records over and over, okay? Seriously.
Haley Scarnato. Shouldn’t she be singing happy birthday to me down at the Red Robin? Bring me some more fries, lady!
Sanjaya, you cute little cupcake you! Did you give yourself a little home perm? How cute. Clairol? I thought so. By the way, Diana Ross really thinks you suck. AS DO WE ALL.
And here we have the winner of American Idol (oh, you know it’s true).
Tags: american idol, melinda doolittle, sanjaya, stephanie edwards, blake lewis
