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Thu, May 18 2006

Why The DaVinci Code Movie Will Suck

the davinci code movie

  1. Tom Hanks’ hair.
  2. The book’s too complicated to be condensed in a two hour movie.
  3. You’ll be distracted by the cool French accents.
  4. Turns out that a cilice just isn’t that much fun.
  5. Dan Brown also wrote Digital Fortress. It’s horrible. Laughably horrible.
  6. Your grandmother will wonder (audibly) at the next family dinner why you’ve decided to abandon your faith and worship at the pagan altar of the Priory of Sion.
  7. Have I mentioned Tom Hanks’ hair? Rita? You’re married to him, explain this to me.
  8. There’s only so much running around a Renault will take, people.
  9. All the potential protesters might dampen the spirit of the evening.
  10. This movie will instantly turn you into a card-carrying Sacred Feminist.
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