‘Am I Right Ladies?’: Your Weekly Dose of All Things Commercial

Welcome to Am I Right Ladies, our new dissection of women-focused advertising by the smart and sassy Gail K. Ever felt angry at a tampon ad or rolled your eyes at a Swiffer commercial that harkens back to the 1950s? Let us know!

“Good Dancing May Be A Sign of Male Health” – BBC News

Bust out the Andre Blush girls! British scientists have cracked the case on what specific dance moves will attract women, hook line and sink her!  Neck twists and confidently shifting his body from side to side, who knew? Reality check, womyn: the only dance move I need to get my attention is called “showing up” and all you need to do is stand there. It’s been so long since I’ve had a man so much as pass gas near me that I’ll take the computer-simulated avatar, am I right ladies?

“Campbell It’s Amazing What Soup Can Do”

New campaign from the grandmas at Campbell’s wants us to believe that soup holds the keys to the kingdom of happiness. I tried a soup diet once. I ate corn chowder for 17 days straight. Contrary to this spot’s promise, I gained weight. 9 pounds. But then again, I was happy.

Fashion’s Night Out – PSA

Fashion’s Night Out 2010 PSA from Fashion’s Night Out on Vimeo.

To whom exactly does this PSA speak? Not us ladies who be shopping at Lane Bryant. I guess it has been since never I browsed the Size Zero collection of Bloomingdales. Friday, September 10^th, sees another Fashion’s Night Out in New York City, and judging by this PSA (as in Public Size-ist Announcement), it’s intended for the .5% of American of women who can afford to care and also can afford to maintain negative BMI without hospitalization. But despair not my Chik-Fil-A girls, instead of FNO this Friday, I’ll be celebrating Gail’s night IN. It certainly won’t involve Armani, but it will involve Target-brand Merona sweat pants, a box of Franzia Rose and a bonanza of Bill Pullman RomComs, starting with Mr. Right straight through to Igby Goes Down. So keep your haute couture, skinny girls who said I couldn’t pull off stretch pants with stirrups in high school, I’ll take my William P with a side of hot brownies. Am I right, or am I right ladies? (Hint: I’m right!)

“Baby Carrots Eat Them Like Junk Food”

Carrots are junk food, junk food is carrots. Finkel is Einhorn, Einhorn is Finkel. Look females, carrot farmers are trying to sell us a bid of goods, but I’m not going to sit here typing piss and tell you it’s raining pixels. Instead, I’m going to sit here, convince myself not to buy any more jewelry from QVC and rap a little “truth” with you. Who here can actually finish a bag of baby carrots with the same vigor and shame they can polish off Little Debbie Tasty Cakes? Oh sit down, Devil’s Advocate. And just because a vegetable is shaped like a phallus, doesn’t mean we’ll just it put in our mouths. As if in some desperate attempt to fill the lonely void that having two wonderfully soft Maine Coon cats just can’t. Until Sour Cream and Onion crumbs cascading all over my fleece pull-over allow Lay’s to live up to it’s deceptive name, junk food ain’t sexy and baby carrots ain’t junk food, am I right ladies?

“Because It’s Monday” – Brawny Man

More shirtless dudes selling ladies crap, awesome. Like blah blah blah the Old Spice Man Your Man Can Smell Like, and the epic letdown “A Date With Brad” was when it turned out he was hawking Stayfree pads. Yes, Brad I do like thinness, but when your shirt’s off I don’t want to be reminded of the fact that:

1. I’m not thin and

2. Bleeding from my Vajay necessitates me wearing a veritable diaper monthly.

Do the (ahem)- year-olds among us remember I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter selling all the ladies of the world a fat free hunk of butter in the form of Fabio? For those who appreciate the simpler times of the hunky mouthpiece, let’s remember “Innocent Escapes” with the Brawny Man? With views only in the thousands on the Youtubes, this sensitive woodsman can be your naughty little secret. I mean honestly girls when was the last time a rugged, axe-wielding bachelor empathized with you about Mondays without being a categorical psychopath? I certainly can’t remember, but maybe that’s just me suppressing the late 90’s. The Brawny Man stoked our fires in 2005 and then all but disappeared from the internet. We can all appreciate a man who’s before his times. 5 years later, I’d like to play a humble role in helping a single man go viral in a way that doesn’t result in infertility, am I right ladies?
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