An Open Letter to Betty White Fans, And Also to People Who Are Over the Whole Betty White Thing

Hey guys,
I’m glad we were able to sit down and have this conversation. I know how tough it is getting you — fans of Betty White, who believe the octogenarian’s comeback is the best thing ever — in the same room as you, people that are totally over Betty White appearing on everything and think the joke is wearing pretty thin. I’m going to try to keep this brief.

I think what we’re dealing with here is a problem of over-saturation. Betty White hosting SNL? Amazing, and well-done. Betty White appearing in every viral video, guest-starring on Community, and having her own line of “sexy” calendars? That’s a little overkill.

Now, before you jump down our throats, Betty White supporters, let me reiterate that I am in no way ageist. If there was a 20-something that was trying to “do it all,” as it were, I’d be equally critical. In fact, more critical, because in those scenarios the prolific nature of these actors are due to some Hollywood-corporate push to make sure that their client is literally everywhere, doing everything (Justin Bieber, any Disney star), or it’s because they are pretentious jerks who think that being an actor also means you can have 500 other jobs and people will think you are just so deep (James Franco, Adrian Grenier). If anything, we let a lot of this Betty White shit slide because she’s older. But Betty White would not want to get special treatment just because she’s old. She should be treated the same as any other celebrity that was suddenly in your face, 24/7. For example, this is unnecessary:

Haha, old women cursing? It’s like whenever some script-writer decides to give Betty a sex joke: It’s funny because she’s old and old people don’t have genitalia! Right pop-pop?

Now to you, people who want Betty White to go away forever: Shame on you too. This lady has worked her ass off in the industry far longer than you’ve been alive for, and if she’s making her money, than you have no right to roll your eyes or claim she’s being “exploited.” The lady is writing two books, for god’s sake! She’s doing just fine. Now, that doesn’t mean you have to like the fact that she’s on every medium all of a sudden, but lets chalk this up to a case of “don’t shoot the messenger.” Except instead of the messenger, it’s the actress. Don’t shoot Betty White, just because some execs realized there was a symbiotic relationship to be made in her multiple appearances, leading to Betty White overload. Also: just don’t shoot Betty White.

So basically: Betty White rules, but we’d be okay if she took a break for a bit, and was a little more discerning in her projects.

Thanks for coming out tonight. There’s coffee and donuts on the table on your way out, and thank you for being a friend.