Fan Fiction: Rejected ‘Transformers’ Characters

Seatbelt – Prius

Seatbelt went to college with Optimus Prime and the two were roommates sophomore year. He isn’t the toughest soldier, but he’s very introspective, so he knows it and it’s okay. His weapons include a Swiss Army knife, a vase, and startlingly loud public radio. Additionally, his right arm turns into a colander and he has really great gaydar.

Voiced by John Hodgman.

C☮e✡i☯t – Subaru

C☮e✡i☯t is incredibly loyal to Prime even though she doesn’t always show it. She’s tough and quiet, and is considered the feline expert of the group. Her weapons include a braided rope made of hemp, an acoustic guitar, and pepper spray. C☮e✡i☯t’s left arm transform into a softball bat and her right arm transforms into one of those metal wrench things that come with your IKEA furniture.

Voiced by Jodie Foster.

Gnasher – Food Truck

Gnasher’s got a lot of heart, but he’s young and kind of clunky. Prime really took to him at the beginning, but now he’s not so sure how he feels about the kid. His weapons include frying pans, hot oil, and Sriracha sauce. His right arm transforms into a 10-foot butcher knife, and his left arm transforms what should have been a perfectly fine, normal gyro into an inedible concoction with Thai curry and Caribbean spices and why the fuck are there French fries inside of it?

Voiced by James Franco.

Quantum – Smart Car

Everyone laughs at Quantum all the time. No one knows a thing about him because they can’t get past all the laughing that happens all the time. He may have some great abilities, but at this point they’rehahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Voiced by Peter Dinklage.

Aerostar: Aerostar

Aerostar transforms into a four-piece indie band that wants to sleep on your floor. He’s a really nice guy but he’s pretty aimless, and this often gets him in trouble with Optimus Prime. His weapons include amps, bottles of Miller High Life, the ability to make anyone get off his back, STDs, irony, Converse sneakers, toothpaste maybe, a copy of Gravity’s Rainbow, bottles of Red Stripe, cigarettes, lung cancer, and an uzi.

Voiced by Michael Pitt.