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I’ve already said my piece on how I feel about dating books in general (tldr; they suck). But sometimes a book comes along with such an intriguing concept that I feel compelled to read it. For instance a book that divides men into ’10 Male food groups’ from which women can “divine a man’s essence via his eating habits.”
Basically, it’s a relationship guide book for Foodies. Now separately, both of these things make me cringe. But put them together and you have 207 pages of unstoppable fun!
Babe Scott, who is from Australia (which makes it okay for her to say things like “retard” and “Frigidaire”), started a website called TakeMeOutForLunch.com, the well from whence this book deal sprung. Sounds like a good con: Go on 1,000 dates, and then blithely fit men into cute little boxes like “Culinary Con Men” and “Gourmet Gigolos.” While Babe does admit that these are archetypes and that no two eaters are exactly alike, she does brush with very broad strokes. For instance (in the chapter labeled “Transfat Types”), Babe paints a not-so-flattering portrait of a guy who is eats like Homer Simpson:
The Transfat’s concept of romantic togetherness is sharing a supersize Dominos pizza in front of the television with some friend onion rings thrown is as an appetizer.
He’s also apparently a bad love. If you think that paints an overly-simplistic portrait of most guys you know, then turn to the other end of the spectrum with the Low-Carb Cowboy (so named because Babe once went on a date with the Naked Cowboy of Times Square):
This archetype is as expedient in the erotic arts as he is in the epicurean ones. He is goal oriented rather than journey oriented. Consequently, Low-Carb has as little time for multiple orgasm as he does for chocolate mousse.”
Ouch! So who does Babe like? “Pretzel Players” are date-rapists; “Culinary Con Men” will bilk you out of a good time by lying about their food knowledge (and everything else); “Gourmet Gigolos” are trying to move in with you and take your money; “food purists” are boring vegans; “five star men” want to treat you like a hooker; “steak and two veg” guys are a little better than Transfat types but only because they are more macho and want to have kid with you; “adventure eaters” will leave you after you start to get boring.
The only group Babe does like is “Food Sensualists” which she describes as “ruled by internal aesthetic” and “reveres food that are reminiscent of the mother and represent Earth and the interior of things, one that are soft and squishy like pasta and eggplant and soft, stinky cheeses formed at the teat.”
If that’s the best hope in the foodie archetypes, I want to cash in my chips now and ask for the check.
