Lines That Won’t Get You Laid: ‘I’m Still Friends With All My Exes’

Full disclosure: I’m guilty of pulling this card out of my pocket when talking to guys. Because on the surface, flaunting how down you are with your exes shows that you are laid-back, not high-maintenance, and perhaps most importantly, not a psycho-stalker who will break into your apartment after you break up and boil your cat. Haha! Right guys?!

But after hearing that line thrown back a couple times, and actually witnessing how tight some guys are with the former loves of their lives, I quickly retired that phrase. Because I’m not sure if it’s the same for guys as it is for girls, but seeing how well you and your ex get along doesn’t make me think that you are an empathetic, mature guy; it makes me wonder why the two of you broke up in the first place. And if you’re friends with all your exes, then I’m imagining our relationship as the poster for Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. (Just the poster though, because I never saw the movie. Because it looked awful.) Who needs 12 possessive chicks that are “just watching out” for the guy they may or may not still have feelings for hanging over your shoulder?

I’m not saying you shouldn’t be friends with your ex-girlfriend, just to leave that tidbit for the second or third date. And only bring it up if she happens to be standing behind me with a butcher knife and a Glenn Close perm.