Online Dating Is Just Not For Me (Right Now)

I’ll admit it: I never gave much thought to online dating. But after a year of being single and dating the traditional way (and by that I mean meeting guys through friends or at bars and complaining that they don’t bother calling before 2 a.m. and never want to take me out on a real date) I heard about HowAboutWe.com, an online dating site that lets you create and pick your dates before you go out with a guy. It seemed easy enough, so I thought, ‘Why not?’ Don’t the best ideas always start out that way?

After filling out a few basic things about myself, like where I lived, how often I worked out and my religion and how important religion is to me, I created my date — a trip to wait in line at Shake Shack in Madison Square Park and order something we’ve never gotten off the menu. My goal was to create a date that would keep us busy for an hour or so that would interest guys who love burgers or Shake Shack or Madison Square Park, which are all things that I love, too. After all that was created, I got to the tough stuff on the site. Although it was optional, I wanted to fill out my profile so that guys would be intrigued by my date — and me. Picking a photo was easy enough, but did I want to add more than one? And it took me a few weeks to get around to filling out more of my profile, by answering questions like “Your life story in 5 sentences,” which probably hampered my ability to attract those guys skimming my skeleton profile online.

A few guys were intrigued by my date, and I started chatting with a couple online. I was surprised that some guys messaged me who were admitted vegetarians or non-red meat eaters. Did they not read the date description? Still, there were a handful of guys who seemed like they would make good company, but a busy schedule and a little bit of travel here and there meant I didn’t actually make a date with anyone for weeks. When I finally did make plans, we decided to meet at Shake Shack on a Friday after work.

I limited pre-date communication with my date to just a few text messages. I wanted to enter the date with a fresh perspective on this mystery man. But as we got closer to the date, I started to regret my decision. I hoped it wouldn’t end up being a total mismatch and waste of time. When I finally met up with him, we had a perfectly lovely conversation, and he was very interested in me and my life. We both seemed nervous, which I think is pretty typical for a first date.

After waiting in line for about 45 minutes, we seemed to relax once we settled into a little green table to eat. We chatted for another half hour before I had to go meet up with some friends, and he graciously walked me to the subway. (He paid for dinner, too!) I enjoyed my evening, and I liked the company, but I just didn’t feel a spark. And there were some things about my date that, had I known before the date, would have stopped me from agreeing to it — like the fact that he lives a bus ride away in New Jersey.

Although it didn’t work out this time between me and my date, I also learned some things about myself, online dating and dating in general. I learned that standing in line does not make for a very comfortable first date (so much for my brilliant plan). And I learned that if I were to try online dating again, I would ask many more questions of my would-be suitor. That being said, I learned how important first impressions and personality on the spot are to me. I have always been attracted to guys who can make me laugh and feel comfortable, guys who are smart and witty and willing to engage in banter. You can’t really learn that about a person through text messages or email or IMs. Sometimes you can glean more about a guy’s personality on the phone, but that charm that turns me on doesn’t always translate through the phone. I’m sure if I went on enough online dates I would find someone who met my criteria, but my heart’s not really into it right now.

I know I should probably give it some more tries, and make up some more dates, but for now, online dating just isn’t for me.

Want to create your own date on HowAboutWe? Check out our sister site TheGloss’ dating page here, brought to you in partnership with HowAboutWe.