Textual Healing: Too Much Information From A Blind Date

Text messaging might be the easiest and most convenient way to send a note to your friends, but when it comes to communicating with a guy, it can be anything but simple. Whether his messages are short and sweet or lengthy and in-depth, you’re usually left wondering: what is he really trying to say? And even worse, how do I respond? Here at Crushable we want to help you sift through all the subtext and emerge, textually healed.

Though I’m far from a blind date expert, I’ve learned enough to know that the wrong text message, email or IM from a prospective date — before you even meet — can really throw off the vibe of the whole affair. I mean, if that happens even when you’ve already met the guy you’re texting, it’s bound to happen when the guy is a complete stranger.

Recently, I set up a date via text message with a guy who I had met on an online dating site. We had chatted through the site for a couple of days when he passed along his phone number. I was reluctant to call or text him, so I gave him my number as well. A few days later, he texted, and we arranged to meet the following Friday at 6 p.m.

The next day, he texted me again while I was at work. Would 6:30 be okay instead? Sure, I said. He thanked me and then I broke my self-imposed rule of not texting too much before our date. I continued the conversation. So, I know what happened next is partly my fault.

As we chatted generally, my mystery date told me about places he had traveled and where he was planning to visit soon. He mentioned he was planning a trip to Costa Rica to visit the rainforest. Having no experience in Costa Rica myself, I said I would rather go the beach because I always get bitten by mosquitoes. Then, things got weird.

“Uh-oh”

He texted. Oh, dear god, no. Please don’t go where I think you are going to go, complete stranger.

“I too like to bite.”

Well. Turned off by the sentiment as much as the sentence structure, I didn’t know what to do. Do I try to recover? Do I laugh it off with a joke? Or do I just ignore? I decided to reply with something I thought would be cute, something to change the mood. I would give this guy a chance to redeem himself before giving up completely.

“Well, apparently I’m very sweet”

I wrote. His reply:

“Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm”

I did not reply. I couldn’t muster any response to that. I was so confused and repulsed by the turn our conversation had taken, I thought about canceling our date altogether. But, in the end I went through with it, although it was colored by our earlier interaction.

What I learned through this experience is good advice for both male and female texters, as well as online daters: When you’re meeting up with someone for the first time, it’s okay to have a little interaction pre-date. You can be fun and flirtatious. Show off your personality and reveal interesting and important facts about yourself — like where you live and what you do for a living, how much time you have to spare in your life for dating and what you do for fun. But don’t stray too far into (what can be perceived as) sexual innuendo too soon. You risk turning the other person off, and setting up a pretty awkward first date.

Ultimately, pre-first date communication is just like dating itself, and just as important to the process. Just try to avoid telling someone you’ve never met before that you want to bite them.