The biggest mystery surrounding dating is undoubtedly “What is he thinking??” This week, we were curious what turns men off — or as we call them man-repellents. We asked three guys — Jack, Michael and Abraham — to talk to us about their biggest turnoffs (eating too much?) and things that have gotten to them over time (“I used to like girls who were stupid, but now I like girls who are smarter than me at times”). Their responses might surprise you.
What are your biggest turnoffs?
Jack: I like that girl who draws attention to herself and makes me want to know why she’s so confident in herself. But it can be a turnoff if it’s obnoxious. I don’t like girls who can’t carry on a conversation. Like, if you’re having a conversation and it’s like playing catch with an open field.
Abraham: A woman who talks constantly about herself. Can’t stand it. A woman who doesn’t treat people well, who can’t really treat people with respect and dignity, belittles wait staff and cab drivers. That drives me nuts. Women who complain. Even if you’ve had a bad day, or hasn’t, there’s still something wrong with her day. She’s so used to using complaining as a vehicle to get attention or acknowledgment.
Is there anything a girl would do or wear that would make you not want to approach her if you saw her at a bar or a party?
Jack: An alcohol monitoring bracelet.
Michael: I think it depends on where I am. I won’t talk to girls at certain bars. I go there because of my male friends, but as a girl I think you have a more leeway on your decision where to go out. Whereas we go to where our friends go. The girls who go to those types of bars are the exact stereotype of girls I don’t like. But my friends are happy to fit into the stereotype of what those girls are looking for — the 25-year-old male banker. I feel like it’s a lost cause.
If you start talking to a girl, is there anything she could say or do that would immediately totally turn you off?
Michael: I don’t like when girls don’t play the game. I don’t like girls who aren’t willing to jump through those mutual hoops — those girls who are like, ‘Let’s cut the crap.’ I hate those girls who have no ladylike decorum. Girls who talk about sex right off the bat, things like that.
Abraham: Talking about men or the men in your past without having a rapport or relationship or permission to do so. I’m just like really? That drives me crazy. I like a woman who wears make-up, I like a woman who smells good. If your breath is funky or you don’t smell like something I’d like to smell again, for a good reason, those are typically strikes.
Is there anything that you didn’t think was a turnoff, but after dating someone it’s a turnoff for you now?
Jack: I used to like girls who were stupid, but now I like girls who are smarter than me at times, as long as they don’t flaunt it.
Michael: I used to date really prissy girls, like cheerleader types. I grew up in the Midwest and the jocks dated the cheerleaders, basically. I was always really comfortable with that and was always turned off by the hippie types or the outdoorsy types. But what I realized at school was that there’s a medium that I can handle. I can take the girl who is outdoorsy, like into the mountains and horseback riding, but only to a certain extent.
Abraham: As a divorced guy, I’m interested in women who are driven or have some type of passion and follow through to live up to that. That wasn’t always the case. Men generally don’t care as much about women’s professions as women do, but as I get older, that just doesn’t work for me any more. It’s real important for a woman to have a passion and the drive to follow through with that. That is specifically based on past relationships.
If you could ask a girl one question and you knew she had to be honest, what would you ask?
Jack: As full of myself as I am, do you think that self-confidence is supported by fact?
Michael: What percent of things that you say you enjoy do you actually enjoy — in bed or otherwise?
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One of our man panelists this week was Abraham Lloyd, a relationship columist on marieclaire.com and yourtango.com. Read some of his marieclaire.com articles here.
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