Crushable » alcohol

The Daily WTF: Guy Shoots His Roommate, Leading To Discovery That Third Roomie Is A Child Molester

Natalie Zutter — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 23:13:28 +0000

Fate is a strange and powerful thing. So is alcohol. When these two conspire, who knows what kind of crazy stories you’ll find?

Today’s Daily WTF came about when a man in Utah drunkenly decided that he would shoot a mouse in his kitchen with a handgun. However, the bullet somehow went through the wall and struck his roommate in the chest… in the bathroom.

This led police to the scene, where they discovered a third roommate and, more importantly, his 13-year-old girlfriend hiding in the basement. This man, Paul Daniel Kunzler, is 34.

WTF.

The girl told police that she had sneaked out of her house to see Paul and that they’ve been carrying on a sexual relationship for four months. They “met through a common friend,” to add another level of creepiness to this story.

Police arrested Paul for multiple counts of sex abuse; they’re still investigating how much Paul’s roommates knew about the relationship.

This is not something you can laugh at because of the somber material… but it’s still pretty incredible that a random act of drunkenness led to justice being served.

[via]

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Lindsay Lohan Released From Prison After Serving A Grand Total Of 4.5 Hours

Jamie Peck — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 16:01:30 +0000

After all the tough talk on the judge’s part and attempts at making last minute deals on hers, Lindsay Lohan has been released from prison after serving just 4.5 hours of her 30 day sentence. According to TMZ, she “checked into” the Century Regional Detention facility at 8:48pm last night, and was released around 1:30am this morning. (Does one “check into” jail like one checks into a hotel?)

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The official reason for her release was “overcrowding,” but it seems like an awfully big coincidence that the beneficiaries of this problem are often rich and famous people, no? Furthermore, this is not even the shortest amount of jail time LiLo has done; in 2007, she served just 84 minutes before being let go.

Despite currently being a free woman, LiLo still has to complete her community service at the morgue or risk serving another 270 days (i.e. five hours) in prison. Additionally, she is not allowed to leave the country while on probation, and is required to complete psychotherapy sessions and appear at monthly court hearings. Maybe they’ll rehabilitate her yet.

(Via USA Today)

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The Daily Bieber: Justin Is Against Underage Drinking

Liana Maeby — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 20:25:54 +0000

Taking a cue from absolutely no other member of Young Hollywood, Justin Bieber has come out as anti-underage drinking. Apparently Justin, who’s currently in Ireland, requested the minibar in his Dublin hotel room be removed so as not to give fans the wrong impression.

So is Justin, who just turned 17, genuinely against underage drinking or is he trying to maintain a squeaky-clean image (last week’s flipped bird notwithstanding)? Either way, it’s nice to see a young celeb with a non-woozy head on his shoulders. JB, you can do no wrong.

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College Life: Varying Degrees Of Drunkeness

Hillary Reinsberg — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 15:32:49 +0000

Drinking alcohol, of course, is a big part of college. From a cultural stereotype, words like “beer” and “shots” and “kegstand” and “$12 handle of vodka in a plastic bottle” are buzzwords of the collegiate experience. But also, really, college students do drink a lot – in most cases too much – during the four years of the experience.

In college, this is considered somewhat acceptable. But of course, as with anything, there are rules – and they differ from what’s considered okay outside of a college campus. For adult life, I assume there are rules as to how drunk one may get at an office holiday party vs. on vacation vs. out to dinner with friends. But there are different rules for college and I think, anthropologically speaking or something, they are kind of interesting. In no way do I condone binge drinking (it’s a problem, actually), but genuinely, from a sociological standpoint I think these norms are pretty fascinating.

[Finally, I am not providing metrics here, because it's different for everyone and also because unless you are exclusively drinking beers from a can, I think everyone is wrong about "one drink" is and no one in the history of colleges or elsewhere has ever consciously measured the ounces of vodka they are consuming.]

Anyway, on to the good stuff:

The first kind of drunk that college students experience is bar drunk. Bars are usually only half-dark, in that they have the lights on enough that you can’t be a slobbering fool. Also, the point of bars is to consume drinks (which is not the point of clubs) and usually the procurement of said drinks in bars is fairly easy. Usually, people are pretty conscious of the amount of consumption in the bar, because drinks are purchased and poured by bartenders – not into plastic red cups with reckless abandon. You may act silly, but you do not “black out” at a bar.

Then there is lights out/club drunk, which means it is dark enough that people really start to act like fools. At events taking place in a nightclub or otherwise dark venue (fraternity basement, warehouse, whatever), also, it’s usually harder to access drinks. And said drinks tend to be sketchy punches that no one wants to imbibe. Thus, drinks are frequently consumed before the fact, resulting in accidental excess. Also, people forget what the hell is going on when the lights are off.

Another kind of drunk is hanging out/sitting on the couch drunk. This usually involves beers, glasses of wine, laziness, and television. It is similar to adult drunk. Usually embarrassing situations do not result. Dance parties may occasionally ensue.

Probably the worst kind of drunk is house party/frat party with the lights on drunk. This would be known as freshman drunk. This is what they portray in movies, and really good TV shows like Greek. In the background, people are playing beer pong and flip cup. People are wearing backwards caps. Kegstands are practiced, mostly for effect. The dancing is awkward. One or two underclassmen are noticeably the drunk people, and they are ridiculed.

A rare kind of drunk is formal event drunk, which is sort of a combination of the above drunk. Think date parties, holiday parties, “crush” parties, whatever. Usually formal events provide an open bar or a cheap cash bar. People range from tipsy to drunk. Usually things start out pretty tame, getting progressively sloppier as the hours march on. Some people feel uncomfortable and go home.

Finally, when the appropriate age comes around, there is with parents drunk, which is otherwise known as, a half a glass of red or a beer with Dad should do the trick.

[Photo via Thinkstock]

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Drew Grant — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 15:10:38 +0000

Old People Discover Binge Drinking -Hangover cures in a respected magazine? Next they’re going to find out about Brooklyn! (The Atlantic)

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Off The Market: Sofia Effervescent Wine

Drew Grant — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 16:02:32 +0000

It was a happy holidays from our friends at OfAKind.com Monday evening, who sneaked into our offices like Santa Claus and delivered gifts of tiny booze cans. We love booze! Especially booze that looks like soda, which we learned that time we went to London and had too much White Lightning. Luckily, Sofia Effervescent Wine is a tad bit classier than that. But not by much.

First off: we’re a little bit confused about the straw used for Sofia’s carbonated wine: why does it have a pointy tip, like something we’d use to puncture a Capri Sun with? There’s no way that straw is getting through aluminun. Secondly (still on the straw): Why is bendy and retractable? So it will look nicer in the packaging? Dude, you’re drinking wine from a small soda can: adding a fancy straw will not make it classier. Third, and this will be the last thing we say about the straw…is it even necessary? What kind of champagne do you drink with a straw? Or wine, for that matter? Maybe if it was red and we were trying to be careful about our teeth…

Now on to teh drink itself. We supposed, because of the way it was packaged, that Sofia’s was going to be a fruity, sugar-filled concoction. In fact, it was such a tart Riesling substitute that our mouths puckered at the first sip. Honestly, if this wine was any drier, it could be used to go wring out California right now (WINE HUMOR!!!!). We should have been more wary of its subheading “Blanc de Blac.” The “white of whites,” as it were. (Our 7 years of French class have finally been put to good use. We would have been more prepared if the adorable packaging again, hadn’t confused us into thinking this would be the soda-pop of adult novelty wines.

Which begs the question: who is this drink made for? Certainly not kids, who are trying to get effed-up, not drink like their aunts. And not for men, who will probably find Sofia’s Effervescent Wine to sound “too faggy” to drink. We’re going to go ahead and say that the main audience for Sofia’s would be alcoholic stay-at-home mothers, who routinely have to drive their kids around in the mini-van and don’t want to get caught by the cops drinking out of a flask or a wine glass. This white wine in a can provides the perfect cover for drinking and driving like a respectable adult: we doubt that you’d be able to drink enough of it to even go over the legal limit. Happy holidays, everybody!

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Make Your Own: Candy-Flavored Vodka Part 2

Drew Grant — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 19:38:44 +0000

Last week, we gave you the basic steps for making the sweetest way to a blackout ever: candy vodka. This week, we actually try it ourselves! Will it be a delicious treat, or will we end up with multi-color vomit? Or both?!

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Off The Market: Whipped Lightning Tastes Like Burning Chemicals

Drew Grant — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 21:37:44 +0000

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, we were not able to procure any Whipped Lightning for this trial, since we don’t live in New Jersey and are too lazy to take the path train. But our desire for a 18% proof alcoholic dessert topping will not be quenched until we guzzle an entire can of “whipahol.” (Though we might wait to the holidays so we can do whippets with our cousins after Christmas dinner.)

In the meantime though, we compiled a list of reviews from other sites and Internet forums. The general consensus seems to be “too much alcohol, tastes like chemicals.” Now we have to try it!

From Ranu’s Reviews:

It Tastes Like Burning…the whipped cream is just completely dominated by the witch hazel, I mean alcohol. I’m never one to complain about too much alcohol, but I think the alcohol content is just a wee bit high for this product.

Ranu also managed to give some chicks the Lightning during a wedding. They were not fans.

Drinkhacker concurred on the “too much alcohol” front:

To be sure, all the varieties are relatively muted, flavor-wise. In all forms, alcohol is the primary characteristic, and any flavoring agent takes a backseat. A chemical aftertaste is relatively common, which I suspect is due mainly to the alcohol and the propellant.

From eBaum forum user Roofus55:

Gotta say, this stuff tastes more like a shot of hard alcohol than it does whipped cream. Its only 16.75% alcohol but it tastes like its 40%. I only had about 3 little spoonfills but I’m wondering if you can get pretty hammered off this. My friend who called is gonna pick up a can as well and were gonna try and get shitfaced from it tonight.

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Alcoholic Whipped Cream? Yes, Please

Things You Should Not Use As Drugs Or Alcohol

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Whitney Houston Daughter Bobbi Kirstina Wilds Out On Four Loko

Drew Grant — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 21:56:40 +0000

Oh celebrity children, when will you learn that your hijinks will be dutifully recorded the moment you put your crazy nights up on Facebook? The latest problem child would be Bobbi Kirstina, the 17-year-old daughter of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown, who is apparently as fond of both Four Loko as she is of other women.

The drunken escapades of this celeb-tween was captured and reported on MediaTakeOut.com, which claims that reports of Bobbi’s bad behavior have been trickling in for months. It looks like regular teenage drunken stupidity to us, but what do we know? After all, Bobbi is smoking a CIGARETTE, which obviously means she’s going to spiral down to drugs and alcoholism the way her parents did. Can’t a girl just ever blame it on the Four Loko?

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Things You Should Not Use As Drugs Or Alcohol

Hillary Reinsberg — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 15:22:57 +0000

When you’re in college, the legal consumption of alcohol is either a new privilege you’re thrilled about or a rite of passage you can’t wait to happen. As a result, alcohol is a great novelty to the late teen/early teen mind, ain’t it! While the average twenty-year-old Joe might once have settled for a bottle of chilled mediocre vodka mixed with cheap cranberry juice, today’s young imbibers want something more: we want our alcohol to be novel. Whether it comes in the form of dessert or through an eyeball, our peers are finding stupider and stupider ways to ingest booze! We have to stop them.

As for the matter of drugs, real drugs are illegal. Drugs you can find in your kitchen still seem badass, but like grabbing a beer even though you’re underage, it’s probably not going to get you in trouble. Legal trouble, at least! Similar to novel methods of getting drunk, novel household modes of getting high are also idiotic.

I would like to take this opportunity to advocate for the end of whippets, alcoholic whipped cream and generally whipped stuff as a method of chemically altering our brains. I will most happily join you for a round (or two or three) of tequila shots, some Johnnie Walker on the rocks, a nice glass of Pinot Noir – whatever floats your boat. I will even do a keg stand with the shittiest beer you have! I will drink a Four Loko! But I will not smoke nutmeg. Or eat alcoholic whipped cream. Or put a tampon soaked in vodka in my vagina.

Things That Are Not Acceptable As Methods of Getting Drunk or High, Ever:

“Whipped Lightning” – This sounds disgusting. It’s whipped cream with alcohol in it. One of the flavors is “tropical passion.” Tropical passion whipped cream infused with alcohol. This is the world we live in. I cannot even imagine how much of it you would have to eat in order to get drunk. Whipped cream is a topping, not an alcoholic beverage. I guess the point is you are supposed to put it on top of a shot? Have you ever had a shot with whipped cream on top? I have. I threw up afterward.

“Adult Chocolate Milk” – 40 proof Chocolate milk. As in, just as alcoholic as vodka or tequila. Yikes. Apparently, it’s vodka mixed with chocolate milk, though the company’s website doesn’t list the ingredients so I’m just going to assume this is made out of crack and Swiss Miss powder. (Side note: how could chocolate milk mixed with vodka be as strong as vodka itself? I sense an upcoming episode of Mythbusters!)

Whippets – More whipped things! In case you haven’t already wrecked your brain with a Whippet already, or even if you have and didn’t really know what the hell it was except that it made you feel like you were at the dentist, a Whippet is a little can of nitrous oxide that’s used for making whipped cream. Instead of making alcoholic whipped cream, though, the nitrous oxide is released into a balloon, followed by which a stoned idiot sucks the gas and ends up feeling like a cloud. For like, 45 seconds. Maybe a few minutes if you’re lucky. Anyway, this kills approximately a trillion and a half brain cells and it doesn’t even last 5 minutes! And you have to suck on a balloon.

Smoking Nutmeg – Apparently this is America’s next epidemic. Apparently the results are somewhat like smoking pot. Except you’re smoking something that you put in EggNog! I’m kind of intrigued, but also not.

Vodka Tampon – When I heard about vodka eyeballing, whereby you pour vodka into your eye to get drunk, I was fairly horrified. But then my friend told me that girls soak tampons in vodka and then stick them up there where tampons usually go, causing the vagina to absorb vodka and a subsequent drunken state. Scientifically, this is kind of genius. Ethically and hygienically and medically, this is beyond foul.

Adderall – You shouldn’t take Adderall to party. If you want to take Aderall to do your homework, fine. Drinking + Adderall not only = DUMB, but also = MASSIVE HANGOVER.

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