While at first glance the new Courtney Stodden commercial may look like a shameless publicity stunt  for FreeCreditReport.com, it’s actually offering us a complex message about the way we look at our dwindling domestic fishing industry, our neverending need to catch on to the next biggest thing and most interestingly, our views on mermaid-human sex.

While most commercials wouldn’t dare to dip their toe in these controversial waters, FreeCreditReport.com and Courtney Stodden are diving right in.

Let’s start with the two lone fisherman in the beginning. We can’t even hear what they’re saying because the seagulls are screeching so loudly. Upon first watching this commercial, I assumed the director was simply setting the scene. But upon multiple repeat viewings, I can now say with confidence that the meaning behind the seagulls drowning out the conversations is anything but a simple scene setting. It’s clearly laying out the fact that our domestic fishing industry’s slowly dying  right in front our eyes while our congress squabbles and sqawks about other issues that they deem more important.

Moving on. The starring fisherman (let’s call him Dave to make things easy) manages to finally catch a fish only to find out that it’s not good enough for his fishing colleague (let’s go with Scott). After all this is America where bigger is always better and no matter how many fish you catch, there’s always something bigger that that you missed. In a startling display of conformity Dave throws a much larger hook in the water in hopes of getting that elusive bigger catch.

Finally we arrive at the climax of the commercial where Dave actually manages to catch something bigger — only to realize that a bigger catch leads to bigger problems. It’s a mermaid and although he’s now considered a more successful fisherman, he’s faced with morality issues he’s never even contemplated before. Such as  ”how long can a mermaid survive on land?” and ”is that mermaid old enough to have sex?” and the most complicated question of all,  ”Am I ready to have sex with a mermaid?”

And there you go. A simple commercial analyzed and explained for you. It all makes a lot more sense now, doesn’t it?

Related posts:

• Questionable Choices: Courtney Stodden Jogs In Stilettos
• Video: Courtney Stodden Makes Her ‘Funny Or Die’ Debut On Jason Alexander’s Fake Talk Show
• Chris Crocker Befriends Courtney Stodden Via Twitter

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Remember when Brenda Walsh left Beverly Hills to study acting in London? It looks like she finally scored an ad campaign! Shannon Doherty the new face of EducationConnection.com, an online service for learnin’ and schoolin’. In the video, Shannon dresses up as a businesswoman, a scientist, a chef, a nurse, and, inexplicably, a flapper — all while touting the virtues of Education Connection.

Shannon claims she’s using the service herself to earn a degree in liberal arts, so you can probably look forward to Mrs. Doherty teaching your kid’s lit class one day. Making BH proud, Brenda!

(via)

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Sorry about this in advance, but we can’t resist posting this ad from a British alternative tampon brand called Mooncup. Think of as many euphemisms for “vagina” as you can. We guarantee each and every one of them is featured in this video. “Mini haha”? Yep, that’s there too. Terrific!

(via College Candy)

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We suppose we can’t expect the promotion of a women’s perfume that smells like barbeque to be particularly subtle, but this has to be the single most amazingly obtuse thing we’ve ever seen. Girls like Sex and the City and feelings! Boys like sports and ribs! They’ll never be compatible unless they’re tricked into liking one another by a little eau de pork rind.

Well, what we can say is that spraying yourself with Que perfume is a great way to attract rats.

(via Videogum)

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Here’s the narrative of Justin Bieber‘s perfume commercial: Girl spritzes her neck with “Someday” and Justin suddenly appears behind her. He sniffs her and then she’s Raptured up into Heaven. And again: the girl sprays the other side of her neck and once more, Bieber appears to send her soul skywards.

Sure, this seems harmless enough (unless you’re Harold Camping), but we anticipate a horrific new trend destined to afflict our impressionable youth. Girls will begin to spray more and more of the perfume, hoping for those wonderful moments of Bieber neck-sniffing, and then they’ll realize that in large enough quantities, the perfume can actually get you high. Then they’ll be lost forever, doomed to wander the mall glassy-eyed with matted hair buried under Justin Bieber Purple™ hoodies. Worse than bath salts!

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We don’t know what to make of this French ginger ale commercial starring Uma Thurman except to say that a bottle of Schweppes is a far cry from a six-dollar milkshake. Who’s with me?

(via)

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The Book of Truth, Brought to You By TLC. And Loneliness.

A page from the Book of Truth, the myth-busting tome from the people of Lean Cuisine that helps women cut through all the lies they’ve been told about food to create new lies to tell themselves about food. In other words, I LOVE IT.

From this page, we learn the valuable lesson of tempering your expectations. If you set out to cook yourself dinner, there’s no need to pull out every pot and pan you own. You’re cooking for one, not twenty, girlfriend! You’ll probably never cook for twenty. And certainly not for your husband and kids – thank God you don’t have those to worry about! Anyway, maybe if our heroine started with a small saucepan and a modest skillet she wouldn’t have given up so quickly. Tempering our expectations, girls.

Good thing there’s also Lean Cuisine. You can make dinner quickly and easily, freeing up your rest of the night to spend alone.

You Say Panini, I Say I Ate It Already.

Lean Cuisine – Cubicle from Lorraine Yurshansky on Vimeo.

They make it seem like eating your keyboard is a bad thing. Ladies, I’m KIDDING. But seriously, I believe if some of the custard from your morning donut squeezes out onto your keyboard, there is no shame in licking it off. Just don’t announce it to everybody- take it from someone who learned the hard way.

Now I may be drinking the Kool Aid a little here (or a lot, I mean have you seen my hips?), but the more fake a food looks on TV the more appealing it becomes to my taste buds. So when it came to the spinach and cheese panini in this commercial, well let’s just say hunting season was afoot and I shot those bad boys right through me. Translation: mama enjoyed. My only note is the advertised “grilled-to-perfection” in the microwave factor. My panini came out less grilled and more 100% soggy. Almost unappetizing, but after dipping it in my Diet Coke I barely noticed anymore.

Related posts:

• Am I Right Ladies? Swiffer: Don’t Clean Home Without It
• Am I Right Ladies? Deodorant So Clinical It’s Gotta Be Criminal
• Am I Right Ladies? Yoplait! French For Lose Five Pounds

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Oh man, we have a new favorite commercial to replace the “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” Life Call ad we thought was the funniest thing in the world when we were five. And this one also involves old people! Two cute elderly men reenact the Brad Pitt/Ed Norton ear-punching scene from Fight Club in this BLU-RAY ad. The reimagining supposedly backs up the tagline “Don’t mess with an original,” though we’d honestly rather watch two hours of David Fincher‘s attempts to work with geriatrics than the actual film. Spirit animal = sloth!

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Okay — we’ve seen a lot of crazy Asian commercials in our time, but this Korean ad takes the cake. Two fat men parade about with elaborate faces painted on their bellies before going nuts on a rollercoaster. And what’s this piece of advertising glory actually selling? Well, we’re not entirely sure. (via Warming Glow)

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