Crushable » court

From The Conrad Murray Trial: Listen To Michael Jackson’s Slurred, Drugged-Up Voicemail

Natalie Zutter — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 15:48:31 +0000

Yesterday marked the start of the manslaughter trial against Conrad Murray, Michael Jackson‘s doctor who’s being accused of intentionally overdosing the star on drugs and causing his death in 2009. The prosecution didn’t waste any time releasing one of their strongest pieces of evidence: A voicemail from Conrad’s iPhone, with an obviously drugged-up Jacko babbling about how great a star he is. It makes him look pathetic and like Conrad knew better than to keep giving him so many meds.

There was no love lost between me and Michael Jackson after the sexual abuse case in 2005, but no person should ever become this sad and delusional. He deserved a better end than what he got.

The recording is dated May 10, 2009, about six weeks before Michael died on June 25. TMZ has the most detailed, up-to-the-minute coverage of what will be a month-long trial, so you can follow along there.

Another dirty move from the prosecution is Photoshopping a picture of Michael Jackson’s corpse so that it looks much creepier — green tinting, frayed edges, and the word “Homicide” printed in police station type — and will sway the jury. Here’s the original, which is still a bit disturbing:

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Lindsay Lohan’s Defamation Lawsuits, In the Order in Which She Should Actually Worry About Them

Natalie Zutter — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 17:57:30 +0000

As further proof that the world revolves around her, Lindsay Lohan has (totally reasonably) just sued yet another person for allegedly smearing her name. Rapper Pitbull‘s new song “Give Me Everything” features a disparaging lyric about LiLo: Hustlers move aside, so I’m tiptoein’, to keep flowin’ / I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan. LiLo says her name is being exploited so someone else can profit. See, it’s only OK if it’s for her own gain. (Or mom Dina‘s.)

The Lohans are notorious about crying wolf at even the smallest joke, so we’ve arranged Lindsay’s cases in order from non-issues to actual problems for her image.

ABOUT AS IRRITATING AS A MOSQUITO BITE: Glee‘s Spanish diss

Speaking of Dina, Lindsay’s momager told the press she was frothing mad last fall when Glee made Lindsay the butt of a joke. When Gwyneth Paltrow‘s substitute teacher is taking over Mr. Schue’s Spanish class, she asks in Spanish, “Lindsey Lohan is totally crazy, right?” (Their misspelling, not ours.) When teaching the kids how to count to five, she offers, “How many times has Lindsay Lohan been to rehab?”

In the realm of defamation, this is nothing. It wasn’t even a creative insult!

YOU’RE KIND OF ASKING FOR IT: Pitbull’s “Give Me Everything” lyrics

Neither Pitbull nor the song’s writers Ne-Yo and Afrojack actually say anything negative about Lindsay’s character. They’re just stating a fact: She has been in jail. Jail cells, one can reasonably assume, are locked. It’s actually a pretty smart play on words, you guys.

THIS MIGHT MAKE GETTING FUTURE JOBS A PROBLEM: The E*Trade “milk-a-holic”

Lindsay actually settled this one for an unspecified amount of money, but the whole case really just made her look like a baby. Ironic, since that’s what she protested: E*Trade’s commercial where two babies were arguing over why the boy baby didn’t call the girl the night before. The girlfriend asks, “Were you hanging out with that milk-a-holic Lindsay?” and on cue, a girl baby pops into view from the boyfriend’s side hiccuping, “Milk-a-what?”

The best part was when Lindsay’s lawyers said that E*Trade violated her rights by using her “name and characterization” without her approval. Imagine a Regina George voice when I say this: So, you admit you’re an alcoholic?

OKAY, THIS COULD MAKE A LOT OF PEOPLE LOOK BAD: Satirical biopic Dogs in Pocketbooks

The Lohans immediately jumped on Dogs in Pocketbooks, a satire of celebrity culture with a specific focus on Lindsay and her disastrous career. While screenwriter Charles Casillo didn’t hide the identity of his “muse” when he first announced the project, the Lohans’ reaction made him backtrack a bit and claim that the main character was a composite of all young, wild Hollywood actresses: Lindsay, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and even going back to Marilyn Monroe.

Unless Lindsay’s people put an injunction on this one, Lydia Hearst Shaw will play the movie’s unhinged starlet heroine.

OH SHIT THIS IS ACTUALLY A PROBLEM: The suits against Lindsay

The lesson here is that Lindsay needs to stop whining to the judges about how her name is being dragged through the mud and focus on the actual shit she’s knee-deep in. As if her arrest in 2007 — for stealing an SUV while under the influence of coke — weren’t bad enough, in 2008 three guys sued her for battery and false imprisonment during her wild ride that night. Lest you think, But that was three years ago, she’s turned things around, think about this: This past February, spray tan company Tanning Vegas sued Lindsay for an unpaid tanning bill of $25,000.

So right now, her name is already synonymous with “drunken flake.”

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Paz de la Huerta Found Guilty of Harassment, But It’s OK Because Men Approve of Her Lotion Habits

Natalie Zutter — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 22:06:06 +0000

What a weird confluence of events. Boardwalk Empire star Paz de la Huerta had to report to court this morning after she punched reality star Samantha Swetra in the face in March. She pleaded guilty to harassment and got a fairly light sentence: One day of community service and 12 weeks of alcohol counseling. Could she have gotten off the hook so easily because of the alluring lotion she slathered on her legs in the courthouse?

No, seriously — the male employees couldn’t take their eyes off Paz as she moistened up her legs in the lobby. Here’s what they had to say (operating under anonymity, of course):

“Man, she was standing right there and lotioning her legs. It was awesome.”

“We were riveted. She did both legs, all the way up to the thighs. It was lovely. Very nice lotioning.”

What is this, the skincare Olympics? I guess the employees of the Manhattan Criminal Court have to find some way to bide their time, even when “dirty girl” starlets get dragged in by the long arm of the law. Before we try this trick, we’ve got just one question for Paz: Scented or unscented?

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Questionable Choices: Is Lindsay Lohan Wearing Cargo Slacks To Court?

Liana Maeby — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 20:00:15 +0000

Lindsay Lohan had a court date today, and it looks like she’d perhaps planned to go camping at City Hall?. Can of beans in the front pocket, Swiss Army knife in the side pocket, blinged-out Blackberry in the back pocket. Remember: don’t look the bear directly in the eye.

(via Getty)

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Gallery: Lindsay Lohan’s Court Fashions, A Restrospective

Liana Maeby — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 21:35:42 +0000

Lindsay Lohan was back in court today, where she was told she’d been given more time to consider taking a jail-time-mandatory plea bargain over her jewelry-theft charge. She arrived decked out in this long-sleeved silver number, a totally new courthouse look for the starlet! Here’s a look back at the history of Lindsay’s court-worthy ensembles.

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Gallery: The 8 Best Expressions From Lindsay Lohan’s Arraignment

Liana Maeby — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 15:00:33 +0000

Lindsay Lohan was back in court yesterday with a grand theft felony charge hanging over her head for that whole “stealing an expensive necklace” thing. And how did being back in front of a judge so soon after leaving her court-ordered rehab stint make Lindsay feel? All sorts of things! In fact, Lindsay looked like she experienced pretty much every emotion under the sun — except, perhaps, remorse.

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Is Edward Furlong the New Mel Gibson?

Drew Grant — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 20:08:48 +0000

Edward Furlong – whose crackly voice and perpetually youthful looks made him one of my top 10 crushes in high school – has apparently gone off the deep end, Mel Gibson-style. No, he didn’t wreck his car and start screaming about the Jews, but the Terminator 2 star allegedly left threatening voicemails to his estranged wife Rachael Kneeland, allowing her to get a restraining order against Edward both for herself and her 3-year old son, Ethan. Wondering what Pecker‘s hero left on tape that was so damning?

According to TMZ, the transcript that Rachael plans on playing in court (and yet is already leaked to the press…hmm…) has the actor threatening her new boyfriend:

“If he dares hang out with f**king Ethan, I swear to god I’m gonna f**king rip his f**king heart and f**king feed it to him you understand me? I will f**king rip him a new one, you can f**king, you see if you like him still when his f**king little pretty face is all deformed.”

This is sad, but also so friggin’ weird. It’s the 21st century: who even leaves voicemails anymore? And why do stars like Alec Baldwin, Mel, and Edward all end up leaving a voice-mail that could so easily be used against them?

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Lindsay Lohan’s Handwriting Professionally Analyzed

Hillary Reinsberg — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 14:51:47 +0000

When Lindsay Lohan appeared in court last week and was subsequently sentenced to 90 days of jail time, she used her meticulously taken notes to hide her face. In doing so, she also gave us a glimpse of her boxy, block letter handwriting.

Over the weekend, we had a professional handwriting analyst look over the notes and give us some insight into what the writing says about Lindsay.

“In my opinion, anyone who writes in capitals has something to cover up,” the analyst told us. “Due to the excessive rigidity of the writing, lack of fluidity and cramped up lines, this shows an obsessive personality who likes and needs to be in control.” Though you may think Lindsay’s “out of control,” her attention-seeking and other behaviors actually do show an obsessive need for control. For example, when Lindsay’s lawyer quit, she immediately shopped for a new one and now seems to think she can get out of her jail time.

Lindsay’s done a lot in recent years in what seems to be a grab for attention. She also reportedly takes a whole slew of anti-depression medications and painkillers. In terms of her writing, “The red ink and rising lines are indicative of someone who needs attention and draws attention to themselves. This could also be some indication of a fight against depression.”

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Lindsay Lohan’s Pretty Handwriting Revealed

Hillary Reinsberg — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 17:31:26 +0000

A cryptic note on her fingernail wasn’t the only thing Lindsay Lohan wrote during her trial this week. Turns out she took copious notes in red pen during the trial. Her block letter handwriting is attractive, but why did she write on a diagonal?!

(via Jezebel)
(Photo via Getty)

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Drew Grant — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 16:29:03 +0000

Lindsay Lohan Wears Her Feelings On Her Nails – We thought we had found the best celebrity acrylics, but then Lindsay busted out her “F*ck You” tips at her own court hearing. Ballsy. (via PopEater)

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