Let’s talk about hair. Do you manscape?

Dave: I try to keep things somewhat under control. I don’t let it go completely out of control, but I definitely don’t shave it down like a girl would or a porn star, just because it itches like a motherfucker when it grows back. It’s the most uncomfortable thing in the world when it grows back. That was a college mistake.

Ryan: I kind of have to. I’m kind of hairy. If I didn’t, you’d get lost in there. I feel like you kind of have to, especially now all girls do, so it’s kind of fair that all guys do, too.

Adam: Definitely. You’ve got to manscape.

What do you prefer on a woman: hairless, landing strip or au natural?

Dave: I’m probably going to come off sounding like a real creep, but definitely hairless. I don’t really get what the turn-on is of either natural or the landing strip.

Ryan: I would say neatly trimmed at least. I think you have to at least do something with it down there, otherwise it’s just kind of crazy. But you don’t need to go totally hairless just as long as it’s easy to navigate.

Adam: Somewhere in the middle. It’s more about her comfort, I guess. I’m sort of indifferent.

What do you find sexiest about a woman?

Dave: Probably confidence. Because women can be attractive, they can have all sorts of great attributes, but if they’re not confident then it doesn’t really matter. I’ve definitely dated girls who were incredibly attractive, physically very good looking and if they didn’t have that confidence, then all of a sudden they’re in a position where they have to go somewhere else for that confidence. So I think the most attractive thing a girl can have is confidence.

Adam: It’s got to be confidence. That’s got to be it. You can be anybody but if you don’t have confidence it’s not very fun.

Where is the weirdest place you’ve had sex?

Dave: I’ve had sex on a trampoline in the backyard of my girlfriend’s house with her mother inside, who easily could have seen us. I’ve had sex outside on a hill when I was in Colorado, kind of in the woods, on a jacket, which was interesting. I also had sex in a hotel room, in a bed with my girlfriend, and her father and her sister were in a bed right next to us.

Ryan: In the butt doesn’t count any more does it? That’s pretty mainstream. Bathroom at the Village Pourhouse, maybe. But even that…

Have you ever been caught having sex?

Ryan: Yeah, and actually same story. Pro tip: there is a handicapped bathroom that does lock at the Village Pourhouse, but the other ones don’t. I think pretty much everyone has [gotten caught], right? At some point, someone’s going to walk in — teenagers just have sex in really silly places. I got caught a lot as a teenager just because I couldn’t hold back any more.

Adam: No. I wish I had a better story than that, but I really don’t.

If you could ask a woman one question and you knew she was going to be honest, what would you ask?

Dave: Do you know how horrible you look in flip flops?

Ryan: Why do you all have to go to the bathroom together? I don’t understand. It’s just a private thing for me.

Adam: Why do you wear such uncomfortable shoes? We never notice them. We inevitably hear about them, but we don’t really notice them.

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Have you ever received a text that made you think that it was just not meant for you? This happened to me a few months ago, when I got a text message from an ex (this is a reoccurring theme it seems) at 3:15 a.m. on a Friday night that read, “Hey what’s up, I’m on m hill.” Even though he was referring to my neighborhood (Murray Hill), since I hadn’t heard from the guy in months I just assumed the message was meant for someone else. “I’m probably not the one you wanted to text this to drinkie,” I wrote back.

Of course, I could have just as easily ignored the message, but I was a little curious to see how he would respond. There are many ways to react to a wrongly sent text, and my example is just one of them. Ignoring and deleting is another, and you can also simply go with it and act like it was meant for you. Chances are, it was — like this one that my ex sent me. But by acting like it wasn’t meant for me I gave him an out, just in case he woke up the next morning and regretted sending it in the first place. Completely ignoring him would have accomplished the same thing and closed the door to any contact between us in the future. In other words, it would have sent the message, “I’m not interested.”

Now what if you accidentally send something to a guy? How do you recover? A friend of mine told me this story: one night she was out with her friends, drinking, dancing and having a good time. She wanted to send a note to a guy she had been seeing casually, but her judgment was clearly impaired since she decided to send him something to the effect of, “I hope you are dancing like no one is watching.” To make matters worse, with drunk hands and predictive text she ended up hoping he was dancing like “on one” was watching. When she woke up the next morning and realized what she had sent, she was mortified. And, to make matters worse, she showed her phone to her friend, who accidentally resent the same text — again. How does one recover from such a faux pas?

I’m not sure how my friend recovered, but I would recommend laughing it off. Everyone enjoys drunk texts and even a guy you are dating casually can appreciate that sometimes we make bad texting decisions. Yes, it’s embarrassing and yes, you open yourself up for mockery from your friends and date. But, you can probably easily remind them all of a time when they did the same. The only way to prevent this from happening is to put your phone away and avoid texting when you’re not thinking clearly. But really, we all know that will never happen.

Now it’s your turn to tell us your story. Have you ever sent a text you didn’t mean to send? Have you ever received an embarrassing text meant for someone else? How did you handle it? Leave your stories in the comments below or send them to submissions at crushable.com. You may see your story featured in an upcoming Textual Healing.

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Apparently, John Edwards made a sex tape with mistress Rielle Hunter while she was five months pregnant with his child — which happened to be right in the middle of his presidential campaign. [The Daily Beast]

Dating etiquette question: Should a man walk on the curb side of the sidewalk? And when did that become a thing? [Lemondrop]

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Relationship Ninja: Should I Reveal My HPV?

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What do you like to do with your guy friends?

Spike: Hang out, see a movie, go and get a beer, take a bike ride.

Matt: I’ll just drink beers with my friends, watch sports and movies. Hang out. We’ll roam the city together. Have adventures.

Max: I guess it’s a lot of watching really dumb movies, or going out drinking, and basically talking about women. There’s a lot of that. When we’re not talking about women and dating we try to talk about erudite things like politics and books, too, but a lot of the conversation with my fellow males tends to drift back to dating and other things.

Do you ever talk about girls?

Spike: It’s more like I went out with this chick and who’s she and what’s going on there. It’s casual.

Matt: We talk about women all the time. We talk about the women that we want, we talk about the women we have, whether they’re better than us, whether they’re good enough, whether we’re good enough. How we can get more women or whether we should stay with the women we have. All the things you think we’re talking about, we’re talking about. And some sports. We talk about sports when we’re not talking about women. And movies. We talk about movies, sports and girls.

Max: Clearly we do, quite a bit. I guess it depends on your level of friendship with a person what the boundaries about what you talk about are. We talk about girls quite a bit, we talk about relationships and all sorts of other things. There was an age with most guys when they were much more interested in details than they are as you get older. And I guess in that sense, the older you get, the more high minded the conversation goes.

Have you ever “kissed and told”?

Spike: Depends on what you mean by that. It’s not like middle school like ‘I got to third base with her.’ I don’t go into details. Usually it’s like, ‘Yeah, I slept over.’ And you can pretty much infer from that. But I’m a fairly private person. It’s just not something I would talk about in detail.

Max: Are you kidding? It happens a lot less now than it did when I was in high school or college, but believe me, if I kissed someone in high school, everybody would know.

What do you like to do by yourself?

Spike: I like to read, and take pictures and ride my bike and wander through the city and find different things or just sit and read or people watch.

Max: I’m a bit of an odd ball, so I actually spend a lot of my time reading. I’m a reader, I watch movies, I, like many others, waste my life on the Internet. I try to find the high-minded things on the Internet, too. It’s not all Facebook poker. But I have played Facebook poker, and I have wasted many, many hours doing that.

Why do men always take a magazine into the bathroom?

Spike: Well sometimes you’re in there for a long time, you need something to do. Sometimes it just takes a while. There’s few places where no one can bother you. Most of the time, no one is going to bother you in the bathroom, you’re just hanging out. If you’re reading a magazine, why not? It’s like a sanctuary.

Matt: My biggest pet peeve with women is that they’re not relaxed enough. The reason that guys are so relaxed is that we spend a half hour in the bathroom. Our mind at ease, reading whatever it is we read. I think women can learn from that. That’s our private time. You’re not watching TV, there’s no Internet, there’s no technology, and you’re just alone and you have a clear head and you just shut down. That’s our bathroom time.

Max: We like to get comfy. I don’t know. We’ve got some time to kill and we’re going to not be bothered. It’s like a zen thing.

If you could ask a woman any question and know you were going to get an honest answer, what would you ask?

Matt: Here is what I would just say to women. I think one big thing that guys screw up all the time — and I think it’s just because we’re guys — we say stupid things when we’re on dates. Guys say a lot of stupid things, I hear it from a lot of girls, I have a sister. But if a guy says one stupid thing, he’s out. Guys, when we talk to each other, we say the stupidest things to each other. Through the course of one conversation we’ll say 100 stupid things. So for us to go through one date and say only one stupid thing, that’s a victory.

(Photo via Comstock)

Special thanks: This week’s man panel featured Max Gross, the author of From Schlub to Stud, comedian Matt Rittberg and Spike McCue.

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WENN.com

It was that Saturday after the snowstorm when the streets edged with dirty, grey slush. I trudged through the snow and crowds down Broadway to my local café, where I thought my favorite brunch would distract me from both the cold and the fact that my phone had been painfully quiet all weekend. He hadn’t called and I hadn’t called him. My feet were freezing and I was taking it personally.

In my seat at the café, the smell of coffee mingled nicely with the crispness of the air and I wrapped my hands around the mug to warm myself. There’s something so hopeful about breakfast, I thought. The smells and colors are so bright; it’s a meal with promise, like starting over. I have a tendency for the maudlin when I am being neglected by a guy.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I jumped so excitedly, I was actually embarrassed. But it was only an email. And not even a good one. The Internet was taunting me. I put the phone on the table and gave it a willful stare, knowing how pathetic I looked, knowing how pathetic I felt, and while I registered the presence of someone being sat at the table next to me, it was at least 10 minutes and a second cup of coffee until I realized that I was sitting a foot away from Ryan Gosling.

He was so close I could see the softness in his face and the sleepiness in his eyes. So close I could hear the bristling of his stubble as he scratched at his beard; I was so close that when he ordered his food the familiarity of his voice made me both smile and feel like passing out. When my food arrived, I panicked. I couldn’t possibly eat in front of Ryan Gosling, could I?

I attempted chewing and swallowing while he flipped through his paper. He folded it neatly and read it in tidy sections, aware of the space he was taking. I caught sideway glances while trying to eat an egg white omelet in the sexiest, most fascinating way I could conjure. I thought about sitting at a kitchen table with Ryan Gosling, wiping the sleepiness from his face while I brewed coffee and cracked eggs into a pan. Occasionally, he would look up from the paper and watch me as I hummed contentedly, retrieving items from the fridge, chopping fresh herbs and toasting brioche. I would dole out my affection like warm butter, showing my love in the sweet hope of a meal to fill our bellies and prepare us for a day probably thinking about art or reading scripts in our pajamas. I think we were in Paris, too, though I’m not sure why.

I hadn’t realized that I had stopped eating and was staring at my phone — the montage playing in my head, which was cocked like a confused puppy — until Ryan Gosling, himself, spoke up.

“You know that saying about a watched pot…” he said, quietly, with a bit of enjoyment edging into a smile as he pointed at my phone.

I laughed; dorkily, I’m afraid. I was worried I had food in my teeth. He waited for a response and I could hear him inhale.

“Easy for you to say,” I lost my breath as the words came out.

He looked at me eagerly, like he was waiting for details. I wanted to blather on about how the guy and I had a great time when we went out, how there were many moments of soft, easy intimacy, that he spoke in the future tense and at the end of the night my face hurt from smiling and I went to bed contentedly thinking about the Spring and holding hands, and there were montages. So many montages.

But all I could say was, “I guess he doesn’t want to be with me.”

The words landed with a thud, and I was devastated that I just looked like a total lovesick doofus in front of Ryan Gosling. He looked at his paper and sipped at his coffee. I pecked at what was left of my brunch and contemplated running from the room.

“Maybe he’s dead,” he said and nodded at my phone.

There was a sly smirk on his face as he looked at me and I laughed so hard and long and with such relief that I didn’t even notice my phone lighting up.

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“When it comes to the opposite sex, I’m not as fully confident as the guy I play. I don’t even remember the last time I asked someone out on a date, like, just went up to them and that’s the first thing I did. I’m much more self-conscious and not wanting to fail. So I tend to hold back.”

(Robert Pattinson continuing his bizarre tour of self-pity in Parade)

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• From “J”: I actually have a major crush on my friend’s boyfriend now (this is prob not a good story). I blush even talking about him because he is so damn good looking. My friend and I were out having drinks a couple of weeks ago, and as she started to talk about him, I started smiling uncontrollably, and my face and ears felt like they were on fire (might have been the alcohol)! I had to confess to her at that moment that I had a crush on him. She laughed about it then, but I was with the two of them last weekend and I was self conscious that she was getting territorial w/ her man because of my recent confession. And I was afraid he knew as well! I fawned over him after learning our birthdays were two days apart and we were both drinking the same beer.

From “W”: Ah! have I ever…? Yes, and I guess I felt so freaking guilty even though my friend was using the dude, and she was very upfront about it. He was a sensitive, smart wrestler in college. He would text me all the time, sometimes to ask advice about my friend, sometimes to flirt with me. This was a constant thing in my life… my friends’ boyfriends would like my super hot friends but filled in the void of intellectual conversation with me. I ended up trying to stay away, trying not to talk to him, even though he’d ask me for dinner and drinks all the time. When my friend ended up dumping him I actually said yes to one of his invitations. We got really drunk, he told me he liked me a lot, the next day I realized it would be too complicated (at the end of the day friends being comfortable with other friends dating their exes only happens in How I met Your Mother or Gossip Girl) and I decided to avoid him. Five days later I started dating someone else.

From “H”: When I was studying abroad, my friend Dani met this adorable and outgoing local and began dating him. I had a HUGE crush on said local and in typical me fashion, I handled it by becoming his favorite drinking buddy/BFF. There were countless (tipsy) times when I wanted to tell him (or kiss him), but I never said a word or acted on it out of fear of hurting Dani or freaking him out. When I returned to the States, they broke up but he and I continued a friendship for years. Last year I traveled to his country on business and we met up. He confessed that he was in love with me –not Dani!—but was afraid of ruining our friendship. Doh. Now he’s married with two kids. He offered to leave his wife and come back to the States with me…proving himself to be someone I wouldn’t want to be with anyway!

We want to hear more stories! Got anything good? You can always shoot us an email at submissions@crushable.com.

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Truthfully, I use text messaging for most of my communications. With everyone. I make plans with friends, flirt with guys and catch up with everyone via text. It’s just the way my social interactions have evolved over time. Everyone seems okay with this arrangement, so I don’t know why I was so surprised when I got asked out over text a few weeks ago.

“What are you up to on Thursday night?” the text read, setting plans in motion. I turned to my roommate, wondering why I felt funny about it. Should I accept, or require him to call me instead? My roommate wisely pointed out that if I never accepted date invitations sent via text, I’d probably never go on any dates at all. Truthfully, I haven’t been going on many dates recently — and not because I am being picky about how I’m being asked — so I decided to just take what I could get.

However, I have found that once you’re conversing with a guy via text — or any other electronic method for that matter — it’s hard to break out of that mode. (And, not surprisingly, guys told us they are reluctant to call girls on the phone.) But there’s nothing more awkward than accepting a date invite via text and then having to talk to him on the phone anyway to make plans. So, here are some tips for handling being asked out by text message:

Respond quickly, but not too quickly
Yes, you’re excited about seeing him, but that doesn’t mean you can’t let him sweat for a few minutes — or hours if you’re busy. But, if you really want to go out with him, don’t keep him waiting days for a response. That’s just mean.

Make him make the plans
If he’s initiating the date, it’s only fair that he makes the plans and tells you when and where to meet him. Plus, debating activities and locations over text message is too tedious. Take it to email, IM or the phone if he insists on doing that.

Keep it short and sweet
After you make plans, try to avoid texting with the guy until then. It will instill a sense of mystery and give you something to talk about on your date.

Follow-up in a different way
He may have initiated the date with a text message, but you can call him the next day to say thank you, or send him an email. When the ball’s in your court, change the method of communication to one you feel more comfortable with.

Save the sweet ones
If you’re going on dates with this guy, it might turn into something more serious. In that case, you’ll want to remember how it all came about and what went down. I recommend holding on to his first few text messages. You might be happy you did.

Have you ever been asked out with a text message? How did it turn out? Leave your stories and any other questionable text messages in the comments below, or send them to submissions at crushable.com, and you might see them featured in an upcoming Textual Healing.

(Photo by iStockPhoto)

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