Sadly, no. But wow: Ellen Degeneres actually jumped up from her perch on the judges’ panel to hug contestant Tim Urban for doing an impressive job on that old Idol standard “Hallelujah.” And Kara Dioguardi let her steely guard down, sobbing uncontrollably over new dad Michael Lynche’s R&B stylings.

What is going on?! Tim’s cute and all — and Michael seems like a really nice guy – but they did not exactly blow the roof off the joint. Crystal Bowersox can do that with no effort at all. As Simon Cowell says, it’s hers to win; but where’s the love, hugs and tears for the girls?

Let’s be honest here: This season’s male singers lack the frontman charisma of an Adam Lambert, a  Chris Daughtry, or even, dare say it, a David Archuleta.

Michael’s smooth, emotional performance brought Kara to tears because she was reminded of his powerful Idol-ready backstory — that of a devoted family man whose maturity touches her deeply. OK, so maybe he exudes a teensy bit of charisma. As for Tim, who should be filed under Most Improved, Ellen all but knighted him a future top-tier contestant with a simple hug: This kid is a shoo-in, partly because Ellen approves and partly because he looks like Zac Efron’s cousin. Still, one might imagine him as the leader of an acapella group or a principal on Glee – not creating buzz and singles as a frontman cog in the wheel of the Idol-industrial complex.

Still, where is this season’s Adam Lambert? Why are the guys so BLAH? Is there anyone from the past — cough Adam cough — that you wish would return and make you wanna dial his number 5,000 times?

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So, are they really feuding? An Idol rep didn’t return our call for comment, but we can understand why Simon and Ellen wouldn’t get along. And you know what? We’re going to have to side with Simon on this one. Like the song goes, you’ve got to be cruel to be kind, Ellen. While she seemed promising during her Hollywood week debut, Ellen’s played it safe since then. Even kind of boring, actually. And we don’t think Simon’s down with that. (Say what you will about Paula, but those are two things she never was.)

Another theory floating around Crushable headquarters is that perhaps Simon isn’t liking the fact that Ellen’s more famous than he is. Idol has always been his show, and suddenly he’s not the star anymore. Diva alert! Maybe that’s why he’s headed off to X-Factor (and taking Paula with him?).

Do you think Simon and Ellen are actually fighting? Whose side are you on?

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The prickly team at Vote For The Worst zeroes in on smiley Haeley Vaughn

Rickey.org thinks Ellen is nervous. I really  miss Paula Abdul’s loopy commentary, so Ellen should fill that void the way I know she can. Maybe tonight– boy’s night! — is the night. My friend is a late-night comedy writer and she hates the term, “Bring the funny.” In this case, such advice is appropriate. Bring the funny, Ellen.

EW’s Idol guru Michael Slezak gives Crystal Bowersox an A-minus.  Crystal has a subway-musician vibe and that earthy rocker chick thing going on. She rarely smiles. So, she is basically the opposite of Haeley Vaughn. I’m not jumping on the Crystal bandwagon just yet but I have my money on Siobhan Magnus. She’s interesting and intense and she sang “Wicked Game,” which is like Kryptonite for emo dudes.

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According to reports, Madonna’s boyfriend, Jesus Luz, doesn’t actually know how to DJ, but rakes in $10,000 for appearances anyway. (Radar)

Andrea Friedman, who voiced a character on Family Guy meant to be the daughter of Sarah Palin and who also has Down’s syndrome, said the former governor doesn’t have a sense of humor about the joke. (Palingates)

Jessica Simpson is turning to her sister, Ashlee, for comfort after John Mayer revealed intimate details of their sex life last week. (OK)

In other Jessica news, she is supposedly dating ex-boyfriend Dane Cook again. (Anything Hollywood)

Ellen Degeneres surprised down-on-her-luck American Idol castoff Angela Martin with the promise that Kara DioGuardi would write a song especially for her to record, and that the two Idol judges would help her land a record deal. (Ellen)

(Photo by WENN)

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If there was any doubt about the last statement, this year — Idol’s ninth season — has effectively silenced it. Now that original judge Paula Abdul has packed up her crazy and headed home and co-creator Simon Cowell will be following her at the end of the year, the show has to redefine itself. And, judging by the choices they’ve made so far, the next season of the show could veer wildly off the rails.

While Ellen DeGeneres is a great host and TV personality, her role on Idol still doesn’t completely fit because she’s outside the music industry. Sure, she’s there to represent the voice of the common folk, but the common folk’s voice is well-represented already since they get to vote. Randy Jackson may have experience in the music biz, but he has been useless for about seven seasons now, recycling the same “It was pitchy, dawg” and “Girl, you can saaaang”-type comments for every contestant. This year, because the show hadn’t nailed DeGeneres down as a permanent judge by the time auditions started, a revolving door of celebrities took their turn appraising the wannabe singers. Some of the choices — Katy Perry, Avril Lavigne, a Jonas brother — may not have been the most musically gifted, but their popularity on the Billboard charts at least gave them a reason to be on the show.

Now, though, it looks like Idol is desperate. One of the guest judges for this season is going to be … Paula Deen. As in, the Savannah chef who hosts multiple Food Network shows and is known for her unabashed embrace of the deep fryer. We may like a lot of Paula Deen’s food, but there’s absolutely no reason for her to be on Idol. In the past, guest judges always had some kind of connection — even a tenuous one — to the music industry. Guest judges/mentors like Mariah Carey, Burt Bacharach, and Dolly Parton provided both music advice and industry advice to the show’s contestants and provided them with great material to cover on the show. Quentin Tarantino popped in to guest judge on Season 3, and all they could come up with for his connection to music was that he likes to use a lot of it in his movies. We really can’t wait to see what farfetched reason they come up with to shoehorn Paula Deen onto the show — maybe it will be something borderline offensive, like asking her to guest judge on Country Week or something. Because you know what reminds us of Johnny Cash? Paula Deen. Yep. Totally logical. Replacing one Paula with another Paula is TOTALLY SUBTLE, Idol. Surely we won’t be able to tell the difference between the one with the Southern accent and the one who sounds like she’s drunk.

As for the ridiculous rumor the show was going to replace Simon Cowell with shock jock Howard Stern? It seems surprisingly likely now, considering that the producers are embracing their love of stunt casting.

(Photo by Ray Filmano / WENN)

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