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Gwyneth Paltrow and Michael Fassbender Are Playing Sex Addicts in Thanks For Sharing and Shame
Big news: Sex addiction is now sexy, instead of sad! Instead of us turning away in embarrassment when David Duchovny goes to rehab, we’re eagerly waiting to see GOOP goddess Gwyneth Paltrow and our not-so-secret love Michael Fassbender playing folks who just can’t shake the habit. Sadly, they’re not in the same movie, because wouldn’t that make for just the screwiest rom-com! More »
You Can Thank Yoga for Gwyneth Paltrow Saving That Woman’s Life on 9/11
We already know about how Gwyneth Paltrow “saved” a stranger’s life by nearly hitting her with her SUV, which made the woman late for work… at the World Trade Center, on September 11, 2001! But apparently it takes Gwyn about three weeks to catch up with the Internet, because only now is she giving her “humble” response to this harrowing tale of bravery and chance. As you might’ve guessed, her response is pretty oblivious. More »
Gwyneth Paltrow Is Not Her Usual Chic Self on the Contagion Poster
At this point, the Gwyneth Paltrow we’ve grown used to is the impeccably coiffed domestic goddess from her GOOP newsletters and Rachael Ray appearances. Even her last few roles — Country Strong, Glee, Iron Man 2 — have her looking fairly glamorous. So it’s refreshing to see Gwyn going to the other end of the spectrum: In her character poster for Contagion, she’s got no makeup, greasy hair, and a terrified expression on her face. She actually reminds us of a certain character from Lord of the Rings… More »
Lindsay Lohan’s Defamation Lawsuits, In the Order in Which She Should Actually Worry About Them
As further proof that the world revolves around her, Lindsay Lohan has (totally reasonably) just sued yet another person for allegedly smearing her name. Rapper Pitbull‘s new song “Give Me Everything” features a disparaging lyric about LiLo: Hustlers move aside, so I’m tiptoein’, to keep flowin’ / I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan. LiLo says her name is being exploited so someone else can profit. See, it’s only OK if it’s for her own gain. (Or mom Dina‘s.) More »
Gwyneth Paltrow Nearly Kills Someone, Is Credited with Saving a Life
Gwyneth Paltrow: actress, mother, kale enthusiast, hero. Evidently the GOOPer is being credited with having saved a woman’s life on September 11th. How did she accomplish this? By nearly running the lady over in her luxury SUV. Here’s the People story, which bills GP as a “lifesaver”: More »
Video Gallery: Celebrities Speaking Foreign Languages
Yesterday, people all around the internet (including us) swooned at the video of Mila Kunis giving shit to a reporter in her native Russian. But she’s not the only celebrity who speaks another language. Here are some clips of stars like Natalie Portman, Sandra Bullock, and Johnny Depp speaking in their first, second, or fifth languages. More »
Look, Gwyneth Paltrow Made a Joke!
This is a funny tweet. From Gwyneth Paltrow. What? We know the woman’s funny on-camera, but when it comes to the written word (GOOP and tweets), she comes off as sanctimonious about parenting, LGBTQ issues, or religion. That, or she’s so oblivious to her ridiculously luxurious life that it makes whatever she writes unintentionally hilarious. But here she is, assuring us peons even she can’t get a hold of Coldplay‘s latest album. More »
Fan Fiction: Moses Paltrow Martin’s Bar Mitzvah
Gwyneth Paltrow recently expressed her intention to raise her two children up all Jewish and stuff. Mazel tov! This decision is evidently the result of some things Gwyn found out after appearing on the celeb family tree show Who Do You Think You Are? (reality TV’s how most spiritual awakenings come to pass, right?), where GP learned she’s descended from a long line of rabbis. Handsome, blonde rabbis, we assume. Although Gwyneth has described herself as Spiritual But Not Religious ™, she’s apparently decided to embrace the faith for the sake of Moses and Apple (has Apple’s middle named been changed to Honey yet?).
And hey, lucky us, we managed to get our hands on GP’s plan for son Moses’ bar mitzvah: More »
Parting Tweet: Josh Malina on Gwyneth Paltrow
Bless you heart, Josh Malina. Bless your hilarious, Gwyneth-admonishing little heart. We feel a certain kinship with you now, Josh. And we hope you don’t take offense to that. (Also, we hate to admit it, but Judaisim probably will look pretty adorable on those kids.) More »
Fan Fiction: Gwyneth Paltrow’s Cheez Whiz Addiction
“I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can” – Gwyneth Paltrow
(Yes, it’s true! That’s an actual thing that Our Lady of GOOP said. While it may seem that Gwyn was just being elitist, the secret truth is that she was actually a hardcore Cheez Whiz addict for many years. Here’s an excerpt from her memoir from that period.) More »
Bear Grylls Teaches Jake Gyllenhaal How to Survive the Arctic on ‘Man vs. Wild’
From the preview alone, Jake Gyllenhaal‘s stint on Man vs. Wild kind of wins over any other celebrity guest star on TV in the last few months. Gwyneth Paltrow wants applause for tangoing on Glee? Try crawling between mountains on a rope and — if I heard it correctly — “tasting balls.” And Gyllenhaal tells Bear Grylls that he’s sort of got a fear of heights. Oops! More »
Crush Links: Etsy Sellers, Beware Courtney Love and Her Faulty Credit Card
• So, Shera Bechard is OK with Hugh Hefner basically saying that she’s his rebound? (MyDaily)
• Those of you hoping for a real-life romance between Emma Watson and Rupert Grint will be disappointed: She was crushing on Tom Felton for the first two movies. (YourTango)
• Courtney Love likes her Etsy sales, but she doesn’t pay vendors on time — or rather, she’ll pay for something she bought, “if I really like it.” (The Frisky)
• Lady Gaga‘s skull cap accessory is a little too close to “crazy, shaved-head Britney“ for our tastes. (College Candy)
• Could Gwyneth Paltrow be extending her GOOP brand to Topshop? (Lainey Gossip)
Crush Links: Have Porn, Will Travel
•One of Hillary Clinton’s former interns is now a porn star. Talk about a change in career path. (The Frisky)
•Jackass star Ryan Dunn was killed in a car crash early Monday morning. Not a stunt. Sad. (Celebuzz)
•Miley Cyrus may be back with Liam Hemsworth, but we still think Katniss Everdeen could kick Miley’s butt. (Lainey Gossip)
•Gwyneth Paltrow was busted by the NYPD. Why? We don’t know. But we’re laughing anyway. (Celeb Dirty Laundry)
•Anthony Weiner’s resignation letter. You’re welcome. (Buzzfeed)
Fan Fiction: Gwyneth Paltrow on Stripping
Hey now, looks like it’s not all overparenting and sanctimony for Gwyneth Paltrow: sometimes she also likes to have a good laugh at the expense of people less fortunate than her! Such was certainly the case yesterday, when Gwyn retweeted this missive from Samantha Ronson. Well, now that it’s all out in the open, what else is there to do but take a look back at Gwyneth’s old GOOP post about stripping?
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Fan Fiction: Gwyneth Paltrow’s Leviticus 18
As you can see, Gwyneth Paltrow‘s latest installment of GOOP discusses Biblical homophobia. What you man not know, however, is that Gwyn has actually written her own version of Leviticus 18, one of the Bible passages that condemns homosexuality. Here it is, published for the first time ever.
(Note: obviously, what I take issue with here is not the sentiment of Gwyneth’s post – I am totally, overwhelmingly in favor of two-mommy households! What bothers me is the arrogant oversimplification of what’s clearly a very complicated issue, and the position of privilege that this why-can’t-those-others-think-like-I-think? mentality represents.) More »
Fan Fiction: Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s Kids’ Tutor Application
Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are on the lookout for a tutor to teach their two kids, Apple and Moses. But not just any instructor will do for this pair of GOOPers. Oh no, Gwyn and Chris are looking for someone who — no joke — is fluent in Greek, Latin, French and Spanish, can play two instruments, and loves sailing and tennis. Additionally, they’re hoping for someone Oxbridge trained. Sound pretty high fallutin’? You don’t know the half of it. We got our hands on the rest of the Paltrow/Martin family’s job posting: More »
Video: Gwyneth Paltrow Joins Twitter, Records Important Message
It’s all happening! Gwyneth Paltrow has joined Twitter. Gwyn’s tweeted exactly once, and the content of that tweet reads: “This is my first Tweet!,” plus a link to this video, wherein GP proves she’s the cutting-edge, tech savvy woman we all assumed she must be. Oh man, this is going to be delightful. More »
Crush Links: It’s Real-Life, British ‘Bride Wars’!
• In preparation for this summer’s alien-invasion flicks, here’s a supercut with classics like Men in Black, Contact, WALL-E, and Galaxy Quest. (BuzzFeed)
• The meeting we’ve all been waiting for: Fashionistas Michelle Obama and Princess Catherine hang out in pretty, affordable dresses. (Lainey Gossip)
• She may have crooned as a country star on-screen, but Gwyneth Paltrow lost out on her record deal. (Betty Confidential)
• Remember that time we thought Lauren Alaina lost her voice right before the American Idol finals and Haley Reinhart might’ve had to replace her? (Celeb Dirty Laundry)
• Rumor has it that dueling brides Kate Moss and Lily Allen aren’t inviting each other to their respective weddings. (YourTango)
16 Celebrities We Think Are Actually Aliens
Celebrities lead such different lives than most of us mere mortals that sometimes it can be hard to believe they’re real people. Guess what? They may not be! As a matter of fact, they might actually be aliens! While last week’s aliens were all most definitely fictional, I assure you that this weeks’ are one hundred percent real. Tread carefully, though; while some of these real celebrity aliens may want to be your friend, others may be out to take over the world one horrid pop song at a time. This handy guide should help you to separate the friendly aliens from the hostile ones. More »
Video: Gwyneth Paltrow Raps
Oh, Gwyneth, you’re so in-touch and grounded. The GOOPster (that’s the rapper name we’ve given her) performed a bit of N.W.A.‘s “Gangsta, Gangsta” on The Graham Norton Show. The rapping starts around 6:20 and ends never because it will play over and over in your brain until you go insane. More »
