Crushable » heidi montag

Spencer Pratt Used Lauren Conrad’s Birthday To Drum Up Publicity For Himself

Natalie Zutter — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 21:57:34 +0000

Spencer Pratt is broke. Hollywood knows he’s crazy, and he’s living at home with his folks because he doesn’t have any money to pick himself back up again. He calls his agency thirty times a day and can’t get work. But then February 1 came, and it was a glorious day—it was Lauren Conrad‘s birthday, and Spencer knew that he would be able, if only for a few days after, to be relevant again.

He tweeted out a seemingly positive message to LC, though he quickly had to explain himself since his and her fans probably called bullshit immediately:

@LaurenConrad Happy Birthday! Thanks for helping me find my miracle wife @heidimontag !

My birthday wish for @LaurenConrad is for her to find true love like #Speidi

I wasn’t being sarcastic! I really do wish the best for @LaurenConrad on her birthday! #forgiveandforget

Mentioning the friend that Lauren lost because she chose him over her, and trying to get “Speidi” trending again even though it’s a horrid piece of pop culture slang we’d rather forget? Yeah, not helping Spencer’s case.

Ultimately, Lauren ignored Spencer’s attempts at reconciliation since she has a job as a style guru and seems to be doing pretty damn well without the crutch of reality television. Instead, she posted photos like this one of her wearing a birthday hat and trying to open a Hello Kitty champagne bottle, and joked that no one had wished her a happy Groundhog Day.

But according to a friend, Lauren really just didn’t take her former on-screen enemy seriously because Twitter isn’t the place for genuine apologies. “Lauren loves using Twitter to interact with her fans and promote her brands,” the source said, “but obviously she doesn’t think it’s an effective way to apologize or try to mend bridges… In this case, like others, she’s going to continue to do what works best with Spencer and that’s obviously to ignore him.”

Heidi Montag must be in on the reconciliation idea, too: They sent some flowers off to former co-star Kristin Cavallari, who’s pregnant with her first child. “Heidi and Spencer actually sent me flowers, which was really sweet,” she recently told Us. The way they left things on The Hills, Spencer got kicked off after threatening the producers, and Heidi was convinced that Kristin was doing drugs. But apparently bygones are bygones for Kristin; maybe it’s the baby that has her so forgiving.

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The AVN Awards’ ‘Best Celebrity Sex Tape’ Nominees Include Questionable Celebs Like Tila Tequila And Brittney Jones

Natalie Zutter — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 22:38:36 +0000

Not being an avid porn watcher, I’ve never paid much attention to the AVN Awards even though this three-decade celebration is “the Oscars of adult.” But I happened across the list of 2012′s nominations, with one category in particular that interested me. Now, although I wasn’t surprised to see that there’s an AVN Award for Best Celebrity Sex Tape, it’s their definition of “celebrity” that’s worth looking at.

Only a few of the names are immediately recognizable; others take a few six-degrees-of-separation steps before you know who’s being featured. What I want to know is, why didn’t they include more high-profile stories like Montana Fishburne or Carrie Prejean?

[Update: AVN reached out to us to clarify: "Montana Fishburne and Carrie Prejean were considered at last year’s awards ceremony. The eligibility requirements state that DVDs must be released between Oct. 1 of the previous year and Sept. 30 of the current year for consideration."]

Regardless, as I said, each of these people has had her brush (boink) with fame. Here’s your rundown of the nominees. Warning: Most of these links are NSFW, so proceed at your own risk!

Tila Tequila: Fleshbot is calling bullshit that Tila Tequila Uncorked is a sex tape released without the reality star’s consent, even though there’s a clip going around where she asks one of her two lady partners “to delete this video after we’re done.” What’s more likely is that all the “Tila’s really pissed and won’t sign over the rights” drama is just another way of hyping the eventual, inevitable release of the video.

Chyna: The former wrestler (real name Joanie Laurer) seems to be the nominee with the most control over the specifics of her tape. It sounds as if she just went to Vivid Entertainment and said, “I want to make a sex tape.” And not just any tape, but with the best guys in the biz! Own it, girl.

Phil Varone: The Skid Row drummer obviously doesn’t feel ashamed of his stint on Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew or his so-called sex addiction. When his video Phil Varone’s Secret Sex Stash got released this summer, he threw a party! Varone brags that he’s had sex with over 3,000 women; of the tape, he said, “This was the first time for me with the incredible five girls in the movie and I loved every minute I had with each of them.” So really he’s just using this to try and prolong his fame.

	TMZ Is Milking Tupac’s Sex Tape, Releases 3 (Sort Of NSFW) Photos
	Did A Miley Cyrus Sex Tape Get Leaked Online?
	Video: Eva Mendes Markets Her “Sex Tape”
	Jessica Simpson Sex Tape?

Brittney Jones: What’s hilarious about the nomination of Brittney Jones Confidential is that it’s about a girl who claims she slept with Ashton Kutcher, but no actual celebrities are in the video. The footage is courtesy of one of her exes, but that hasn’t stopped Vivid from marketing it as The Alleged Affair That Rocked A Hollywood Power Couple!

Amy Fisher: You might know Amy as “the Long Island Lolita”—in 1992, the then-17-year-old shot Mary Jo Buttafuoco, the wife of her much older boyfriend Joey Buttafuoco. Since securing her place in pop-culture history, Amy worked for some time as a journalist but ultimately decided to turn to stripping and porn. Amy Fisher Is Sex features footage of her and estranged husband Lou Bellera. So yeah, she’s being called a “celebrity” even though the only place we’d see her is I Love the ’90s.

Erica Lynn: This woman was on The Bad Girls’ Club. At least be a Real Housewife before we’ll consider you a celebrity! But if that’s your thing, her movie is called Erica Lynn Is Badd: The XXX Home Movies. (Sigh.)

Jasmine Waltz: Here’s another Hollywood mistress, though in her case it’s been proven: Jasmine briefly dated David Arquette after his separation from Courteney Cox. She claims that Jasmine Waltz: Hollywood It Girl was made with an ex-boyfriend on Valentine’s Day and that she had no idea the tape would be released.

Karissa Shannon: The former Playboy playmate allegedly made a sex tape with Heidi Montag, which Spencer Pratt later stole. Sadly, Karissa Shannon Superstar is not that tape.

My favorite quote comes from Jasmine Waltz, playing ignorant, which sums up this list: “I’m not even famous which blows my mind even more, I’m just a girl in Hollywood.”

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6 Celebrity Caretakers/Enablers Whose Negligence Is Almost As Bad As Conrad Murray’s ‘Involuntary Manslaughter’ Verdict

Natalie Zutter — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 23:32:04 +0000

Earlier today, Dr. Conrad Murray was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter in the death of his patient Michael Jackson. The jury called him reckless and unprofessional for prescribing the troubled pop star sleeping pills and pumping him full of the drug propofol. Unfortunately, this sort of caretaker and/or enabler relationship is a common part of Hollywood: Doctors, parents, and hangers-on who encourage celebrities into destructive behavior and often get off clean. Here are six people whose influence was more harmful than helpful.

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Celebrity Lookalikes: Old Photos Of Courtney Stodden And Blond(ish) Hollywood Starlets

Natalie Zutter — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 21:52:48 +0000

Another day, another batch of photos that make us weep for the preteen Courtney Stodden, who knew nothing about what a strange, twisted person she would become in just a few years. Celebuzz really hit the motherlode: They’ve got thirty candids of the aspiring reality star, ranging from the sweetly innocent to the ominous ones where she learns how to do that pose where you’re leaning on a brick wall.

Her mother Krista Stodden maintains that this is what Courtney still looks like without makeup. We don’t believe that—but we were struck by the fact that she resembled several of Hollywood’s young (mostly normal-looking) stars.

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Gallery: Celebs Dressed As Sexy Municipal Workers For Halloween

Liana Maeby — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 21:00:28 +0000

Ah, the sexy municipal worker — it’s a staple of Halloween. Although sadly, the toll collector and the lunch lady is underrepresented in the costume choices of tipsy women. Indeed, cops and firefighters are the main choices in this category of costumery, which celebs happen to pre quite partial to. Here’s a gallery of famous ladies dressed as sexy do-gooders.

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Gallery: Courtney Stodden’s Bikini Pics Exactly Follow The Blueprint Of Heidi Montag’s Post-Surgery Photos

Natalie Zutter — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 13:21:29 +0000

It didn’t take long for Courtney Stodden to pull a Heidi Montag: When people called foul on her plastic surgery and breast implants, she decided to throw on a white bathing suit (to remind us she’s a child bride?) and skip along the beach with husband Doug Hutchison. But as we looked through TMZ’s gallery of Courtney’s obviously fake breasts and Skeletor face, we couldn’t help but remember how Heidi has made debuting her various surgeries an art form. So, a side-by-side comparison is in order.

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An Imagining Of The 30 Phone Calls A Day Spencer Pratt Makes To His Agent

Liana Maeby — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 16:53:39 +0000

Apparently Spencer Pratt is totally broke. Which is a thing that happens when you’ve never actually had a career or any viable talent. Evidently, Spencer calls his agency 30 times a day and they never call him back — which is actually kind of sad. Aw, man. Here’s my imagining of the messages Spencer leaves for his agent, whom I’ve decided to call “Ian” because a kid I went to college with who’s a WME agent now is named that.

1. “Yo, Ian, it’s your main man Spence. The Spencenator. Six Spence None the Richer. We need to talk business. Gotta make those dollars, yo. Call me back.”

2. “Ian, brother, where you at? Hit me back on my cell, homes.”

3. “Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! Call me back.”

4. “Um, that last message was Spencer Pratt calling for Ian, if that was unclear.”

5. “Spencer Pratt is a client of Ian’s, if that was unclear.”

6. “Hi, it’s Spencer Pratt. I left some messages earlier and I haven’t heard back, so I’m just making sure they went through. Okay, thanks.”

7. “Ian. Spencer. Let’s talk.”

8. “You make me money, I make you money. Kapeesh?”

9. “Hello, this is President Barack Obama calling. Just kidding, it’s Spencer Pratt! Call me back.”

10. “Hey, can I get one pepperoni pizza for delivery? Just kidding, I can’t afford delivery. Call me back?”

11. “Come on, man, this isn’t funny. You’re being a little bitch. Are you around?”

12. “This is Spencer Pratt calling for Ian. Again. Thanks.”

13. “I fucked your mom! Call me back.”

14. “Have you seen Heidi? She’s been missing all day and I’m calling everyone I know.”

15. “Heidi’s still missing and I’m bored. Wanna come over and play Grand Theft Auto?”

16. “Ummmmm. Call me back. Kay.”

17. “Found Heidi! She was sitting on the back porch in the sun and she started to melt and got stuck out there for a while. Thanks for your help!”

18. “Hi, Ian, it’s Spencer. Is everything okay?

19. “Ian, are you mad at me?”

20. (Weeping)

21. “Hi, Ian, it’s Spencer. What the fuck, man? What the fuck, you’re supposed to be my agent. You’re supposed to be working for me. This is bullshit. I can have your head on a platter in a second, man. Don’t think I won’t do it. I’m calling my dad right now.”

22. “Soo, my dad thinks I may have overreacted and he wants me to apologize. Hey man, you need any dental work? It’s on him, okay?”

23. “I’m sorry, by the way.”

24. “Ian! Hi. It’s Spencer, Spencer Pratt. How you doing, man? Give me a call back when you get a chance, kay?”

25. “Ian! Ian! Ian! Ian!”

26. “If I leaaaaave here tomorrow, would you still remember me? For I must be traveling on now, cause there’s too many places I’ve got to see. But, if I stayed here with you, girl, things just couldn’t be the same.”

27. “Cause I’m freeeeeee as a biiiiird. And this bird, you cannot change.”

28. “Call. Me. Back. Call me back. Call me………”

29. “Back.”

30. “You man, I’m fuuucked up. I’m over at Brody’s house and there’s Playboy models here and shit, man. Also, I think I might be depressed. Come on out!”

31. “Good morning. This is Ian’s client Spencer Pratt calling. I’d love to chat for a few minutes about some business ideas when he has a chance. Look forward to hearing from you!”

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Questionable Choices: Heidi Montag Drinks So Much Alcohol

Liana Maeby — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 18:52:30 +0000

Holy good god was Heidi Montag shitfaced at her birthday party. The 25-year-old… um, media personality (or whatever you’d call the likes of one such as Heidi) rang in her quarter-decade at the Vegas club Vanity. What an apt name!

Dressed in all gold with her glasses of champagne, Heidi was basically a walking Emmy statue — except instead of holding up the world, she was just trying to hold up her own head. How can someone get this drunk if they know cameras are around? It defies all logic.

Spencer Pratt totally has earplugs in here. Good move, Spencer Pratt.

(via The Superficial)

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Happy Birthday, Heidi Montag! Remember When You Looked Normal?

Natalie Zutter — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 15:12:18 +0000

Happy 25th birthday, Heidi Montag! We’d warn you about those quarterlife crises kids your age go through, but it looks like you managed to do one of those before hitting 25. We know that people mostly look ahead on this auspicious day, but we still really miss the old, cuter Heidi from season 1 of The Hills, before Spencer Pratt and fame inspired her to inflate and tuck her body into a silhouette resembling a Barbie doll. So here’s our gift to you, Heidi: Hindsight.

Nip/Tuck had an episode where they reversed all of Joan Rivers‘ plastic surgeries… there’s still hope for you!

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Parting Tweet: Comedian Joe Mande Pwns Celebs Who Tweet Dumb Things About 9/11

Jamie Peck — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 22:52:59 +0000

Comedian Joe Mande is a master of the ironic RT. In addition to mocking Ashton Kutcher‘s poor word choice yesterday, he managed to burn both Heidi Montag and Senator David Vitter. Click through for the rest!

And here is a bonus one about Entourage:

Mmm, zesty.

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