What do you think of the trailer for Eat Pray Love? Did you read the book? Will you see the movie?

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10. Michael Moore Goes Nuclear On W.

Michael Moore took the stage in 2003 to accept an Oscar for his documentary Bowling From Columbine, and brought with him all his fellow nominees “in solidarity” — but not because they were all deserving. Rather, they were in solidarity with Moore’s anti-war, anti-Bush statement that shocked the Academy, earned him boos and got him played off stage as fast as the orchestra conductor could pick his jaw up off the ground.

9. Bjork Lays An Egg

In 2001, Icelandic singer Bjork famously walked the carpet in a dress shaped like a swan — complete with the head and beak — and promptly laid a literal egg on the red carpet. When she sang her Oscar-nominated song “I’ve Seen It All”, the cameras did all they
could to camouflage the fact that she was swaddled in a swan dress, but no matter — it dwarfs even the memory of Julia Roberts’ vintage Valentino dress that remains a critical favorite today.

8. The Start Of The Letterman-Oprah Feud
When David Letterman hosted the Oscars in 1995, Oprah Winfrey was the Queen of Daytime, Uma Thurman had just gained international prominence for her role in Pulp Fiction and David Letterman was a critical late-night darling after his 1993 move to CBS. He then spent much of the Oscars presentation repeating “Uma, Oprah. Oprah, Uma” to the increasing boredom of the audience and the apparently annoyance of Oprah. After his turn at the Oscars helm, Oprah reportedly refused to appear on Letterman’s The Late Show for more than 16 years, breaking her boycott in 2005 by presenting Letterman with a framed photograph of herself and Uma Thurman and burying the long-held hatchet. No one messes with Oprah, and the feud is only over when she says it’s over.

7. Matt Stone And Trey Parker Go Camp

Few actors or politicians who achieve any prominence escape Stone and Parker’s poison crayons on South Park or in their movies, and the duo decided not to let their big night at the Oscars in 2000 be any different. Their song with musician Matt Shaiman, “Blame Canada,” was nominated and was performed by Robin Williams at his frenetic finest, but it was the frippery of Stone, Parker and Shaiman who made the big news. Stone showed up in a parody of Gwyneth Paltrow’s 1999 Oscar ensemble, which was pilloried by fashion critics for being insufficiently supportive; Parker reveled in his parody of Jennifer Lopez’s 2000 Grammy dress; and Shaiman escorted the two dressed like a foppish pimp. They didn’t win anything that night but America’s imaginations.

6. Cameron Loses It Over Jessica And Justin

At the 2007 Oscars, a recently-single (and recently brunette) Cameron Diaz arrived without ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake in tow, and so did his reported new love interest, Jessica Biel. Although their joint statement shortly before the Oscars indicated their break-up was amicable, Diaz’s off-camera behavior when she saw Timberlake making eyes at Biel made the papers, and the
Diaz-Timberlake relationship remained frosty until at least earlier this year.

5. Roman’s Rape Case Rears Its Ugly Head

Roman Polanski, who is currently under house arrest in Switzerland after nearly 30 years on the lam, is a convicted rapist who fled his sentencing and had lived abroad ever since. While interest in his case was renewed by his arrest in 2009, the original case files hit the Internet in 2003 just as Polanski’s film The Pianist – and Polanski himself — were up for a series of Academy
Awards in 2003. Polanski was nonetheless awarded the Best Director Oscar, but due to his ever-present desire to avoid his rather light criminal sentence in the rape of a 13-year-old girl, he declined to attend the ceremony. His win earned him a standing ovation from some in the crowd, including Martin Scorsese (who, in 2009, called for Polanski’s release), while others, including Jack Nicholson — in whose home Polanski raped his victim — remained seated.

4. Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Appear In The Same Auditorium

Given the gossip that has surrounded Aniston, Pitt and Jolie since the former two ended their marriage and the latter two started their relationship, it was inevitable that the first time they were in the same building together with a bunch of photographers would make waves. And yet, Aniston’s turn as an Oscar presenter in the year that Pitt was nominated for his work in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Jolie was nominated for her work in Changeling was more notable for how newsworthy it wasn’t than anything that actually happened. Apparently, three people who work in the same industry can actually behave like adults at a work event! Who knew?

3. Adrien Brody and Halle Berry Lock Lips

When Adrien Brody won the Oscar for his work in The Pianist, he strode onto the stage, took actress Halle Berry — who, by all accounts, he was not close to — into his arms, and planted a long, romantic-movie style kiss on her. The audience, gasped, Halle laughed and everyone and their mother speculated whether there was anything going on between the two of them — or whether, after a kiss like that, there would be.

2. Beyonce Pulls A Janet

In last year’s Hugh Jackman-hosted Oscars extravaganza, he and Beyoncé Knowles performed a musical homage to the cinematic musical number, appearing with the stars of Mamma Mia and High School Musical. Also making an appearance: Beyoncé’s left nipple, as Jackman dipped her on stage.

1. Jolie Swaps Spit With Her Brother

Long before Angelina Jolie was the sexiest mother-of-four in Hollywood, she was that weird chick married to Billy Bob Thornton with a bunch of strange roles to her name. That changed when she took home an Oscar in 2000 for her role in Girl, Interrupted — and yet, also, it didn’t change at all. When her name was announced, Jolie, who had taken her brother James Haven to the ceremony, stood up and kissed him in a way that most people in America don’t kiss immediate family members: full on the lips, and with a great deal of warmth. Speculation ensued — and continues to this day — that the siblings had more than a strictly fraternal bond, something they
both deny. But when it comes to Angelina Jolie, there’s no rumor too small or too wild that it won’t have legs in the tabloid press.

–By Megan Carpentier

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Jessica Alba
I know I’ll probably have some serious regrets about what’s about to transpire here—like the time I housed a vat of boxed brownie batter, washed it down with a fancy Pinot from the CVS wine cellar and passed out watching Soloflex informercials. Mom’s proud. Now back to Jessica. Aside from the Smurf infantry combat boots and repurposed Gap flannel (circa 1992), I don’t hate this look. I know, I know, but girlfriend shaved about 60 years off her age since we last saw her sporting a catatonic bouffant and Limoncello potato sack.

Jessica Biel
“My assistant is so getting canned. I specifically instructed that half-wit to fetch me a Valentino. Instead, I’m stuck wearing a homemade valentine from J.T.’s supervised craft time. A box of rumpled Kleenex Ultra Soft dip-dyed in cinnamon red hots? It’s an insult to my sinewy lady form.”

Jennifer Garner
“Don’t believe this smile for a second. I just came face to face with the wrath of Kirstie Alley’s chompers. I’ve never known that kind of fear, even when I was doing crazy ninja stunts on Alias. How was I to know she’d be lurking in the bushes, waiting to douse my leather and lace in A-1?”

Anne Hathaway
Say goodbye to Froot Loops, my friends. Without his rainbow-striped beak, Toucan Sam can’t follow his nose to the flavor of fruit, wherever it grows. Captain Crunch will get his, just you wait.

Emma Roberts
“Aunt Julia, how long do I have to hold it? I REALLY have to go!”

“Mini protégé, you will hold your pee-pee pose as long as I say so. Do you have any idea who I am? I am an actress. I can make you believe that I have a bladder the size of Guam because I’m that good. If I see even the slightest hint of Number 1 dribbling down your tween chicken thighs, you will be the death of me. You will hold it longer and smile BIGGER if you want to be a star like Aunt Julia. P.S. Don’t forget who chose that perfectly age-appropriate ensem you’re wearing that will have critics shouting ‘chic’ to the high-heavens. You’re welcome.”

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore
Ashton is so getting put in the makeout corner with Rumer tonight. How dare he detract attention from Demi’s prized pigeons as she proves once again that she’s an age-proof wonder. If those birds so much as flutter a wing, Bruce will make him so very sorry. At least mama dressed him like a big boy in a camel overcoat. He’s all grows up!

Katie Holmes
Katie has never struck me as the flasher type. But I presume sleeping in an alien pod beside Crazy Eyes Cruise every night would cause you to unravel right quick. If Robo-Wife were allowed to hike up that hem and lose the man trousers to expose a whisper of knee cap, this trench would be killa. Unfortch, that would violate the terms of her double-secret-probation-Scientology agreement. On the plus side, the surplus volume creates the perfect billboard to not-so-subtly stitch HELP! into the lining.

Melissa Rycroft
To your corneas, with love:

I cannot express how cruel and unkind
It was for me to make you go blind
Between the Pepto hue and day-glo veneers
I’m sure this very moment, you’ve dissolved into tears
For if Melissa Rycroft were a candy message heart,
She’d shriek: “YOU AND MY 15 MINUTES NEVER SHALL PART!”
Happy (belated) Valentine’s Day and cheers to Glaucoma!

xoxo,
Satan

Samantha Harris
Now that Mumbles has vacated her post as awkward backstage commentator of Dancing With The Stars (“You really sucked out there tonight, Kelley. How will you look yourself in the mirror tomorrow, you pitiful sloth of a dancer?”), she must be shopping on the budget of a T.G.I.Friday’s hostess. That would be my best explanation for her forever-too-small clearance couture. I can smell the cotton/spandex/elastane blend on that cowl neck tunic from the eastern seaboard. I wonder how many 8th graders she had to fight for the last XXS.

Kate Bosworth
And now Kate will perform the principal role from America, F*ck Yeah, the Ballet. Her costume is a made from a vintage flag once honorably used as a dog blanket for the 1987 Westminster Herding Champion. She traded a dreamcatcher, a half a bag of Ruffles and a ceramic flip flop magnet for it. Truly a one-of-a-kind.

Vanessa Paradis
In high school, one of my first jobs was working as a sales slave at Victoria’s Secret. I was fascinated by the never-ending world of flotation devices that promised to make my miniscule ta-tas mimic those of Jenna Jameson. I was also disturbed by the clueless boyfriends/husbands/pervs who practically ransacked the place, working up a sweaty brow and beer gut in search of crotchless lace bodysuits and pretty much anything see-through and trimmed with “fur”…kind of like what Johnny Depp’s lady is rocking here. On their own, I could potentially heart the sheerness of the top or the sneeze-inducing maribou trim, but for heaven sakes, put them together, bind your boobs and scatter packets of pansy seeds to and fro, and I’m back on an express train to crotchless nightmaresville.

Chloe Sevigny
Yay to Chloe for shedding her jellyfish costume from the Golden Globes and sprouting real legs in place of tentacles. But perhaps next time she can meet in the middle between Disney frothcake and The Dude.

Emily Blunt
“Maybe if I stand here and pose REALLY hard, looking extra British, nobody will notice that Benicio went all Russell Crowe on me because I beat him down the red carpet. I’m sorry his ego is too big for the both of us, but he really didn’t have to tear my dress to shreds. Now I look as lopsided as Tara Reid’s boobs.”

(Benicio’s poster): “I heard that. I’ll turn the whole thing into a ShamWow if you don’t shut your royal pie hole.”

Michelle Williams
In my world, Michelle falls into the same camp as Rachel Bilson. I want to carry them around in my pocket all day, airing them out now and then to flit about my shoulders, sprinkle my hair with fairy dust and rap the top 10 gossip headlines from the land of nymphs. But this seatbelt dress gives me pause. And if I see another Elvira Spears smokescreen hem, I might have to take up DNA cloning or watch The Bachelor to disinfect my brain.

Molly Dimick is a writer based in Chicago.

(Photos by WENN)

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“Our generation is definitely all about the texting and the e-mailing and the BBM-ing and the IM-ing; it’s endless,” Emma said. The downside of the impersonal nature of texting is that it’s difficult to interpret nuances in what people are saying. “I think a lot of things get misconstrued, because tone of voice is so important. There should be a sarcasm font … because I’ll make a sarcastic comment and the other person thinks I’m being rude when I’m not.”

Valentine’s Day was the obvious date movie choice for this weekend, since the actual holiday fell on Sunday, but Emma said she didn’t have any romantic plans this year. “I’ve never had a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day,” she said. “I’ve never been on a date on Valentine’s Day. I usually hang out with my girlfriends and we go and get sushi and see a movie and like, do nothing.”

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Many of the movie’s stars showed up with their spouses, like “McDreamy” Patrick Dempsey and his beautiful wife of ten years Jillian.

The movie boasts a gigantic cast of well-known names, including: Jessica Alba, Jennifer Garner, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper, Julia Roberts, Emma Roberts, Anne Hathaway, Topher Grace, Jamie Foxx, Ashton Kutcher, Eric Dane, Queen Latifah, Taylor Swift, Taylor Lautner, and Kathy Bates. Whew!

“Valentine’s Day” is about intertwining couples and singles in Los Angeles who break-up and make-up based on the pressures and expectations of Valentine’s Day.

[images: pacific coast news]

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