Ready for an American Idol “where are they now?”? Eighth season winner Kris Allen is apparently spending his time hanging out with some jester bros and attempting to rap. Oh, and he’s grown a weird mustache.

This video shows Kris and two of his friends rapping to a bizarre dubstep remix of “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.” I wouldn’t say that the video has ruined Christmas, but it sure has tried — especially because Kris immediately admits that he can’t rap.

In addition to wearing fedoras and “busting rhymes,” Kris is apparently in the middle of recording his second album, the follow-up to 2010′s self-titled work. Hopefully it isn’t a holiday record, because, if it is, god help us all.

(via PopDust)

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Scotty McCreery was crowned the new American Idol last night, joining the ranks of nine others before him. What a moment, right? Being told you’re an idol of a nation. So how do people react to such news? Take a look at the past AI winners hearing the big announcement.

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Adam got all cheeky about his fame:

Kris, we’re sure you were talking about a concert… but watch how you phrase these things:

David had some questions about origami:

And Kellie? Well, Kellie was just being Kellie:

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The best thing to do after you escape public exposure is to tweet about it to your 192,807 followers, right Tori Spelling (@ToriandDean)?

We usually gloss over these celebrity giveaways, but we really need to know what kind of Chinese laundry Kourtney Kardashian (@KourtneyKardash) is offering here.

Oh man, we’ve missed reports from Shaquille O’Neal (the_real_Shaq). He has the best Tweets, hands-down.

American Idol winner Kris Allen (@krisallen) about all the woodland creatures.

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Why is Ice-T hanging out with the cast of Glee, Kevin McHale (@druiddude)?

Lady Gaga (@ladygaga) realized that “Eltonball” is not Elton John, right? And she needs an “@” sign to properly communicate with him.

Is Kris Allen (@krisallen) making a guest-appearance, or just in line for a new iPhone?

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As a loyal viewer of the Fox competition since day one, I stand by that statement. Lee has some talent but no stage presence, no real of selling out stadiums like Carrie Underwood or even doing Broadway like Taylor Hicks. Tellingly, he’s the third unassuming guitar guy in a row to win the Idol title after Kris Allen and David Cook. This is because being an average brown-haired dude with a good voice and Everyman appeal offers an edge over other more interesting contestants who are more wild cards than safe bets; everyone agreed that Adam Lambert was a better performer than Kris Allen, but Kris Allen had mainstream voters locked down (even though slinky, sparkly Adam Lambert had viewers on the edge of their seats to see just what he’d do next).

Since American Idol is more of a popularity contest than a singing competition, of course Lee DeWyze emerged victorious: He’s someone viewers want to grab a beer with, someone they might have known in high school or in the house next door to where they grew up. His gender helped him, too. Idol voters are largely female, and there’s no doubt that millions wanted to get with Lee. (Rule of Reality TV: Cute bland boys become cuter each week as they become more familiar to viewers).

Crystal Bowersox, who lost out to Lee on Wednesday’s bittersweet finale, is an Adam Lambert. She’s also a Clay Aiken, a Chris Daughtry and a Jennifer Hudson. As an student of Idol history can attest, runners-up and als0-rans stand to surpass the commercial and critical success of the show’s big winners if they make all the right moves. While several of the show’s past champs– David, Kris, Taylor, Ruben Studdard and Fantasia Barrino – have seen their careers plateau, if not plummet, a handful of nonwinners like Chris and Jennifer have gone on to dominate the charts, win Oscars and establish credibility on both the radio and in the music industry. And that’s all they can ask for — that’s the endgame of American Idol.

Unless you’re Kelly Clarkson or Carrie Underwood, sometimes it’s better NOT to win American Idol. If you’re Lee DeWyze — otherwise known as Lee DeWHYze — the pressure is on. Lee has one bag of tricks (the boring singer-songwriter Nickelback thing), and without the TV show to fall back on, he’ll lose momentum as fans lose interest in his celebrity as well as his music.

Crystal, however, is the real deal: She is an artist with a lot of soul and an appealing earthy sensibility, not unlike Bonnie Raitt. She will have a long-lasting music career because there is a need for someone like her who’s a bit more adult contemporary than Top 40: She’s got more life experience than Taylor Swift and less slick pop-production than Lady Gaga. She lacks Adam’s gift for controversy, but stirring up drama is not her thing: All she needs is a hit song shows off her warm, bluesy voice, a “Something To Talk About” or “I Can’t Make You Love Me.” She’s better off than Lee because, frankly, she’s better than him. She just is.

Back to Lee: How will he make fans continue to love him? What can he do, if anything, to milk his big win and deliver on his promise?

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In fact, I’d rather watch Wednesday night’s castoff Tim Urban make his inevitable small-screen debut on Wizards of Waverly Place than see Lee DeWyze in concert.And yes, if I heard Lee’s gravelly emo-whine  on the radio, I would switch the dial. Anyone with me?

So why, oh why, does Simon Cowell and company keep endorsing this doughy, furry, fratty guy over Tim (better looking), Casey James (even better looking than Tim) and Michael Lynche (more talented)? Over Siobhan Magnus, the most interesting hopeful in an otherwise tame, nonthreatening contestant lineup? (I mean, seriously, Ryan Seacrest should not be counted on to stir up drama all by his lonesome. We saw how that worked! Not good.)

Here’s why Lee is judges’ pet: He is the only contestant this season who truly stands a chance of competing against Crystal Bowersox in the upcoming season-nine finale, just weeks away. Make no mistake, Crystal WILL win, but Lee is a good foil to fool us into thinking that he just might pull a dramatic upset over the Mama Bowersox. Yes, the odds are significantly stacked in favor of Crystal, but when the emotional stakes are high, the Idol title becomes a toss-up (see: Adam Lambert vs. Kris Allen, Ruben Studdard vs. Clay Aiken, David Cook vs. David Archuleta, Taylor Hicks vs. Katherine McPhee).

And Simon’s favoritism toward Lee suggests that producers believe the 24-year-old suburban Chicago native to be an equal opponent to Crystal, who they love to pimp out as much as possible (good lighting, that end-of-show money slot!). The judges know the drill: pushing certain contestants who producers like increases said contestants’ chances of making it to the finals. And annoyingly, they are pushing Lee hardcore (ostensibly, for the runner-up prize).

The show’s producers value Lee because America does. Lee is a man — mildly attractive, like a David Cook – and Idol viewers skew female; as such, they are more likely to vote for a cute guy of mediocre talent (achem, David Cook, achem) over a cute girl who can sing really well (see: season seven’s Carly Smithson). Lee is a better singer and performer than Casey; but if the sexy Texan loved by Kara DioGuardi were matched up against Crystal in the final two, then viewers would tune out assuming Crystal’s victory. Casey might be hot, but looks alone don’t drive ratings. Lack of suspense equals BO-RING!!! And Michael, the sweet-natured hybrid rock-soul singer recently rescued by the judges’ save, cannot swing as many lady votes as Lee, who for some odd reason, appeals to mainstream American viewers and moms (including mine). Siobhan will be ruled out by Crystal, since there’s only room for one woman in the finals — and that woman is Crystal, who is also wildly popular with the female Idol viewership (and my mom). Unlike season-seven powerhouse Carly, who was controversial for her failed pre-Idol recording career, Crystal has a likability that wins over both sexes. This is key, denoting mass appeal. DeWyze has the same thing going on, and I hate it!

Idol is all about voting blocs and who scores a bigger piece of the pie. And while Simon might secretly prefer a dynamic singer like Siobhan over a commercial-corporate rock Joe Average like Lee, he knows that Idol’s ratings — which are being eclipsed by ABC’s Dancing With the Stars – depend first and foremost on giving viewers what they want. So he will endorse Lee for the greater Idol good — because this bland season demands a suspenseful finale. And a Siobhan-Crystal competition won’t hack it, especially after the Nielsen ratings report is delivered the next morning.

Infuriatingly, America wants more Lee DeWyze. This is why he’ll be the last man standing on May 26.

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• What pregnancy rumors? Beyonce showed the world that she’s not with child as she drank a beer at the Coachella music fest last night. Then she drank Red Bull while dancing front row to hubby Jay-Z‘s set with California’s First Lady Maria Shriver and her daughter. Then she sang “Forever Young” with Hova — and stunned fans because her shirt read “punk-ass mother fucker.” (Huffington Post)
• Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel fought off break-up rumors by acting sappy at a Taylor Swift concert. Well, that’s one way to do it. (People)
• Woops. Kris Allen performed “Hey Jude” with his fly down. (TMZ)
• Has Kim Kardashian already moved on from ex Reggie Bush? If so, a hunky Spanish soccer player is definitely the way to go. (Page Six)
• The Situation applied for unemployment after filming the Jersey Shore but before the show aired. Somehow we don’t think he’ll be doing that this time around. (TMZ)
• Christina Applegate got engaged to boyfriend Martyn LeNoble…in February. (Contact Music)
• Surprise! Gossip Girl‘s Taylor Momsen, who’s reportedly leaving the show, says the cast isn’t very good friends. (Page Six)
• Katy Perry is recording a spin-off of Jay-Z’s “Empire State of Mind” as an ode to California for her upcoming album. (Pop Crunch)
• Adrian Grenier cut his hair! (Just Jared)

(Photo by WENN.com)

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Kris was performing a special mini-concert for some students in Ohio as a reward for raising over $5000 for Breast Cancer research charities. He announced that he was going to sing one of the songs he loves to sing in the shower and it turns out that we now know the truth – Kris Allen sings Britney Spears in the shower!

I have to be honest, I’m not overly in love with Kris’ rendition, but I have to give him props for trying! I wonder if Britney has heard about this yet!

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