And I finally realized. “Call Your Girlfriend” makes much more sense as a theoretical conversation Robyn’s having with herself.

According to the lyrics, Robyn’s embroiled in the kind of affair that’s not going to go away. It’s time for her man to tell his girlfriend that this thing is for real. Obviously, it’s a great song, and her SNL performance is definitely worth a viewing (or five) if you missed it.

But the more I listened to the lyrics, the more I found myself wondering how an affair would get to this point. Robyn is awfully nice to think of the feelings of her new man’s current girlfriend. I don’t know many home wreckers who are too worried about the relationship they’re ending.

Some of the lyrics talk about their amazing connection, but the chorus is all about breaking the news to this guy’s current chic:

“Call your girlfriend/It’s time you had the talk/Give your reasons/Say it’s not her fault/But you just met somebody new”

But if the affair is really this amazing, why would the man need this advice? Wouldn’t he just end his current relationship and run off with Robyn into the sunset? I mean, I would.

Robyn, however, is giving this guy the perfect play by play of how this convo should go down:

“Tell her not to get upset, second-guessing everything you said and done.”

Because the guy didn’t mean to cheat. He just met Robyn. Except it’s kind of hard to get your head around a situation where this conversation makes sense. Often, cheaters are just as happy going along with two options rather than ending their relationship.

Sometimes cheaters do end their relationship and make an affair last. But if Robyn is exactly this awesome, why does she have to tell the guy it’s time he broke up with his girlfriend? Shouldn’t he have realized that by now?

I think it makes much more sense that this isn’t about a real relationship at all. It’s about Robyn having a crush on a guy, and realizing how crap his current relationship is. If they were to get involved, this is the conversation she would have with him. Because she’s not a home wrecker, but the guy would be better off with her. And he should clearly break up with his girlfriend to get things started.

I think the video proves my point.

In it, Robyn is alone. She’s in a warehouse, displaying some of her amazing dance moves. If the guy she was interested in saw her doing this, he would want her and go after her. But if this song was about a real relationship, wouldn’t there be a hot dude in the video?

There isn’t, because this song is all about Robyn. And it has the same kind of underlying melancholy that Dancing My Own presents right on the surface. She’s pleading with this man. But I don’t think it’s a conversation happening out loud.

Because really, it makes more sense for a woman pondering an affair to think about the other woman’s feelings. Who could continue to feel that sentiment when they’re in the midst of said affair? Even if the woman is Robyn.

Actually, especially if the woman is Robyn. Dude ought to know this lesson without her having to spell it out for him.

Related posts:

• Your Spirit Animal: Robyn
• Style Crush: Robyn
• Snap This: Robyn Wears Fuzz at the Sasquatch Music Festival
• Video: Robyn’s “Indestructible,” Now With Weird Tubes
• Mashup: Kelly Clarkson and Robyn ‘Dancing Since You’ve Been Gone’
• Robyn Regehr Has a Son

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• Questions to improve your date-ability. (YourTango)

• Defining “fat sex”. (The Frisky)

• How respect is a major part of relationships. (College Crush)

• Why do we get back with exes? (Betty Confidential)

• Are Justin Beiber and Selena the next Brangelina? (Celebuzz)

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For instance! Did you know that Michaele suffers from multiple sclerosis, and that Tareq tried to use that to manipulate her into thinking she would literally die without him? And that he rigged every room of their house with surveillance cameras? Whoa.

Also notable is the fact that Michaele actually dated Neal Schon first, but ultimately decided to marry Tareq because she thought life with him would be more stable, especially considering her medical condition. Basically, she is Lily Van Der Woodsen Bass Humphrey from Gossip Girl, except her Bart Bass didn’t die, so she had to take matters into her own hands.

But don’t worry, they said some dumb stuff, too. In addition to thinking that there are fairy tales about cheating on your husband with rock stars, Michaele seems to have a funny concept of discretion. On why she didn’t leave Tareq the night of the Journey concert at which that kissy face video was taken, she had this to say:

The night of the concert, Sept. 4, Neal urged Michaele to get on the tour bus with him. “I was pretty close to doing it,” Michaele said. “But then I thought, No, that’s not who I am. That would be public humiliation for Tareq.” She explained to Neal that she had obligations and things to wrap up over the next few weeks but she told him that night: “We will be together. I promise.” She went home with her husband that night.

I’m sure Tareq isn’t humiliated at all over the revelation that while he thought he was having a fun time at a bitchin’ rock concert, his wife was off in some dressing room making plans to cuckhold him.

Neal Schon, on competing for a lady’s affections:

“Hey, you wrote in your book she had to choose between us—and that Tareq won. Guess you’ll have to rewrite that book now—because I won!”

Yup, love’s a big old contest, and if you try hard enough, you might just win the giant stuffed animal of your dreams. Don’t stop believin!

Related posts:

• The Real Tragedy of the Salahi Divorce: Michaele’s Dog Rio Died of a Broken Heart
• Michaele Salahi Tries to Get Attention by Leaving Her Husband for Journey Guitarist Neal Schon
• Former ‘Real Housewife’ Michaele Salahi Has a Single, And It Is Horrible
• Playboy Says No to Naked Pics of ‘Real Housewives of DC’ Star Michaele Salahi

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Alec Baldwin, of the can-do-anything Baldwins, seems like a shoo-in for mayor of New York. After all, he’s got everything required of a New York mayor: he’s rich and famous, he heads a multinational corporation, and he’s already an iconic part of the New York City zeitgeist. Yes, I am conflating him with Jack Donaghy. What of it? He might even be able to trick some Republicans into voting for him because they can’t tell the difference between reality and TV, either.

Unfortunately, it seems like we’re going to have to wait a while for Baldwin to replace mayor-for-life Mike Bloomberg. When asked about his ambitions on Letterman last night, Baldwin dodged the question nicely, saying he would like to be mayor, but he would not like to have to do the things one must do in order to become mayor. Perhaps he hopes to attain the office via spontaneous military coup? Or maybe King Bloomberg will appoint him his successor? Anyway, it’s all pretty abstract, because at this point, he’d rather be spending time with his hot, 27-year-old yoga instructor girlfriend:

Would I rather be handcuffed to the emergency command center in Maspeth during a hurricane, holding down the fort and making sure all the plows are working… or would I rather spend some of that ’30 Rock’ money traveling the world with my girlfriend?

Hurricanes don’t require plows, honey. But fair point otherwise.

Still, he has yet to rule it out completely. “Baldwin for mayor in 2014″ has a nice, futuristic ring to it. Sigh.

Related posts:

• Video: Alec Baldwin Responds to Rumored Heterosexuality
• Alec Baldwin Plans To Leave ’30 Rock’ After Contract Expires
• Alec Baldwin On SNL: No Betty White, But He’ll Do
• Alec Baldwin for Congress?

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