Crushable » Movie News

Michael Jackson’s Daughter, Paris, Set To Appear In Film

Mommyish — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 17:30:51 +0000

When not breaking records as the first female footballer of her school, 13-year-old Paris Jackson is turning down offers to appear as a spokesperson for lingerie football leagues and -- apparently -- taking film roles. The middle Jackson child is slated to play the heroine in a fantasy film entitled Lundon's Bridge And The Three Keys. The film in based on a young adult series by author Dennis H. Christen. The plot details a particular type of magic that changes a dolphin into a human. Later, a darker spell transforms a young boy into a dragonfly and a "good jellyfish queen" becomes a sinister fairy godmother, according to Daily Mail. Profits from this film will reportedly go towards funding American public school system in some capacity. More »

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Viggo Mortensen Is Unrecognizable On The Cover Of T Magazine

Jamie Peck — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 16:54:25 +0000

When I first saw the cover of December’s T Magazine, I did a double take. As the largest font on the page proudly proclaimed, the cover story was on Viggo Mortensen, but who was this fey, smooth-faced creature staring back at me? Clad in a flannel and beanie, he posed with his mouth slightly open as if to say, “yes I will go down on you after the dance but before your parents get home.”

It was only when I saw this item on Gawker that I realized some fashion editorial featuring a male model in his 20s had not hijacked Viggo’s cover. That fey creature was him. WHAT? Dude is 53. He has a 23-year-old son with Exene Cervanka (awesome). He definitely looks good for his age, but part of his hotness lies in the fact that he’s a hot older dude. With, like, lines on his face, and a slightly receding hairline, and hard won wisdom and shit. They even hid his trademark dimply chin. If you are trying to get people to buy your magazine on the strength of a Viggo Mortensen cover story, wouldn’t it behoove you to actually have him look like Viggo Mortensen on the cover?

This grows even more puzzling when you open the magazine and see some nice shots in which Viggo looks much more like himself:

To be fair, the story itself is a pretty good read for anyone who’s interested in learning about the guy. He’s thoughtful! He talks! He wants to tell good stories! With such a strong persona to work with, I don’t know why they wouldn’t want to make the cover as Viggo Mortensen-y as possible. Unless they were trying to elicit perplexed blog posts, in which case, mission accomplished?

(Via Gawker)

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James Murphy (Formerly Of LCD Soundsystem) Is Going To Act In A Movie

Jamie Peck — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 16:38:52 +0000

He might have told Stephen Colbert he was quitting music to make coffee, but James Murphy has something a bit more glamorous lined up for himself now. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: James Murphy, actor! I guess he really can change.

According to Pitchfork, Murphy has a “featured supporting role” in a film called The Comedy that will premiere at the 2012 Sundance Film Festival. Looking at the list of who’s involved, it seems like this project will please indie rock fans and fans of weirdo comedy alike. (I realize those two groups overlap.)

The film stars Tim Heidecker of “Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!” as a guy who ”whiles away his days with a group of aging Brooklyn hipsters, engaging in acts of recreational cruelty and pacified boredom.” Murphy plays one of that group of hipsters. Okkervil River‘s Will Sheff, Heidecker’s “Tim and Eric” partner Eric Wareheim, Richard Swift, and Gregg Turkington (aka Neil Hamburger) also appear in the film.

Will they find a way to work in a joke about the late, great LCD Soundsystem? Does the L-train shut down on the weekend? Of course they will.

(Via Pitchfork)

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Drew Barrymore Tops List Of Most Overpaid Actors In Hollywood

Jamie Peck — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 16:32:22 +0000

Forbes Magazine has just released a list of the most overpaid actors in Hollywood, and the list tops out with none other than one of America’s sweethearts, Drew Barrymore. To figure this list out, they took the last three non-animated features each actor has starred in over the past three years. They then divided the amount all three of each star’s movies made put together by the total amount the star had been paid, to find out how many dollars the star brought in for each dollar he or she received.

Interestingly enough, the only star who actually lost people money was Drew Barrymore, who returned only 40 cents for each dollar she was paid. Everyone else delivered at least some returns. The entire list is as follows:

1. Drew Barrymore – $0.40
2. Eddie Murphy – $2.70
3. Will Ferrell – $3.50
4. Reese Witherspoon – $3.55
5. Denzel Washington – $4.25
6. Nicolas Cage – $4.40
7. Adam Sandler – $5.20
8. Vince Vaughn – $5.20
9. Tom Cruise – $6.35
10. Nicole Kidman – $6.70

Oh, Eddie Murphy, how far thou hast fallen. I was initially sort of surprised to see a-listers like Vince Vaughn and Denzel Washington on this list, but grew less so when I found out their recent films include Couples Retreat and something called The Book Of Eli, respectively.

On the flip side, I’m surprised Katherine Heigl is not on the list, because isn’t she sort of universally hated by everyone at this point? I should add that financial success is not necessarily an indicator of how good a movie is (I mean, Transformers did really well), but when discussing the kinds of Hollywood blockbusters these people tend to appear in, it’s fairly accurate.

(Via Time)

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Hot Shot: Joe Manganiello Is Shirtless In Hawaii

Jamie Peck — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 17:07:32 +0000

Joe Manganiello is a Greek sculpture of the ideal man that has come to life, gotten a tan, taken acting classes, and gotten a part on True Blood.

As you can see here, he’s currently taking a well-deserved vacation (with a cute blonde friend, perhaps?) between all the werewolfian sexiness. And did you know he’s playing a male stripper in a Steven Soderbergh movie called Magic Mike that’s coming out soon?? It’s true. We’ll be sure to see it ASAP and report back as to whether it’s any good. This job is hard, sometimes.

(Via SocialiteLife)

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Maggie Gyllenhaal Lends Sex Toys To Her Friends

Jamie Peck — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 16:11:10 +0000

As you may know, the adorable and talented Maggie Gyllenhaal is currently starring in a period piece about the invention of the vibrator. It’s called Hysteria, because that’s what vibrators were initially supposed to cure, although all they ended up doing was to make more and more women come down with cases that required serious and prolonged treatment. Naturally, while filming the movie in London, Maggie received a whole bunch of vibrators in the mail from various sex stores eager to get a lucrative endorsement from her celebrity vagina. So many. Too many!

When faced with this abundance in vibrating wealth, what did our Mags do? Did she give them away? Donate them to charity? Construct a modernist sculpture? Nope, she lent them to people.

Via ContactMusic:

By the time I finished the movie I’d been sent maybe 15 vibrators by different people in London with vibrator stores. It was a pleasant surprise. So I have this incredible collection, and I actually use like one or two of them. I lend them to my friends, and they’ll take them for six months at a time.

Am I just being a big, uptight prude here, or is that kind of weird? Is sharing sex toys a thing people do? Personally, I don’t care how well you washed it, the mere thought of, um, using something that a friend has used before me seems…icky. I do not want to think about my friends masturbating, because my friends are like my sisters, and you do not want to think about your sister masturbating. I mean, I’m completely certain that they do, and sometimes we’ll even mention it in passing, but to pass around the masturbatory object like The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Dildo just seems…unseemly.

Then again, maybe a touch of European-style laissez-faire attitude about vibrator sharing is just what Maggie G needs to remind us all that despite those rosy cheeks and bouncy curls, she is, in fact, a liberated and grown up lady. Still, though: she might want to consider just giving the vibes to her buddies. It’s nicer for the folks using them to not have to give them back, and it’s not like she can’t have her people place a call and get her some more if she feels like she’s running low.

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Video: Watch A Twilight Fan Totally Lose Her Shit Over The ‘Breaking Dawn’ Trailer

Jamie Peck — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 16:07:34 +0000

A Youtube user named Nutty Madam is vying to take first prize in the “who can get the most worked up over the shortest glimpse of K-Stew and R-Patz’s wooden acting?” contest. She’s got stiff competition from teenage girls all over the world, but the fact that she’s a bit older than them really ups her points in the category of “freestyle crazy.” Within the first ten seconds of watching the trailer, she’s already making high pitched squealing sounds in reaction to the “sparkly thing” on K-Stew’s head. And it only gets better from there.

The ironic part of all this is that Nutty Madam’s reaction video is a million times more animated than anything you will ever see in any of the Twilight movies. I think she might even shed a real tear or two, maybe? She’s also incredibly prolific, with some 161 uploads to her name, each more excited about Twilight than the last. And don’t forget, she’s reacting to this trailer, the contents of which are hardly interesting enough for most fully grown humans to watch all the way through, let alone hyperventilate over. For all these reasons, Nutty Madam is a master of emotional histrionics. A true artist can do a lot with a little.

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Crushable Quotable: Roger Ebert Eviscerates Final Destination 5 Like So Many Contrived Booby Traps

Jamie Peck — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 20:19:05 +0000

Were you planning on seeing Final Destination 5? You can tell me, I won’t judge. J/k, I will totally judge you, and so will Roger Ebert. In a deliciously mean review he posted on his site yesterday, he laid out in no uncertain terms the precise depth and breadth of the thriller’s terribleness. But the movie itself was not his only target. He reserved his final paragraph for the people foolish enough to go see such a thing, bless their little philistine hearts:

I expect this movie to make a lot of money at the box office, spent by fans eager to see still more cool ways for hot young characters to be slaughtered. My review will not be read by any of these people. They know what they enjoy. They don’t want no damn movies with damn surprises. I am always pleased when moviegoers have a good time; perhaps they will return to a theater and someday see a good movie by accident, and it will start them thinking.

Such a fine example of wry condescension I have not seen in quite some time. Why don’t you tell us how you really feel, Roger Ebert? Seriously though, don’t ever change. We love you.

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Video: This ‘Saved By The Bell’ Spoof Is Full Of Death And Murder

Jamie Peck — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 15:59:09 +0000

Ever wanted to see the cast of Saved By The Bell impaled by pointy objects? Today’s your lucky day, then, because actor/musician Miles Fisher has made a video that fulfills all your weirdest fantasies about Zach Morris and Kelly Kapowski. It’s supposed to be a viral promo for Final Destination 5, which, well, good luck with that, but I am choosing instead to take it as a literal skewering of the too-soon nineties nostalgia that’s currently invading our culture. I have had enough of that, thanks.

Populated by the cast of the aforementioned sequel-to-a-sequel, the video follows the Bayside crew as they fail to outwit various bloody fates. This theme echoes that of the last Miles Fisher video to go viral, which took The Talking Heads’ “This Must Be The Place” and placed it in an American Psycho context. (Dude looks a frightening amount like Christian Bale.) The song itself, a Fisher original called “New Romance,” is sort of repetitive and forgettable, but then again, so was much of Saved By The Bell. Maybe don’t quit acting and directing, Miles Fisher.

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Parting Tweet: Joe Mande Has High Hopes For ‘Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes’

Jamie Peck — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 23:05:37 +0000

Us too!

Seriously though, that would make this movie several times better than I think it’s going to be.

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