Crushable » national anthem

Jessica Simpson sings the National Anthem at a golf tourney - pics and video

Wendy Boswell — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 06:06:08 +0000

Jessica Simpson is making it too easy for me, folks. I mean, seriously – she is like the worst singer in the history of singers. Small children start crying when they hear her. Forest animals cringe in horror, scurrying to their dens. Aliens eavesdropping on our planet are all like “WHAT THE HALE, EARTH. WHAT. THE. HALE.”

And yet, Jessica ignores all reason and logic and continues to do her horrible yodel/scream/contortion act, even with the National Anthem. Scratch that – ESPECIALLY with the National Anthem. At a golf tourney yesterday, Jess decided to do her level best to decimate all that was pure and holy. Here’s a few pics – the facial shenanigans alone are worth a few lolz:

Stage 1: Jessica is just warming up her pipes. Somewhat mellow.

[caption id="attachment_10493" align="aligncenter" width="550" caption="Stage 2: Jessica makes her move into Soulful and Heartfelt. Not yet frantic, but you know it\'s coming."][/caption]

Stage 3: BOOM. We are now in full-on yodel mode. Gird your loins.

[caption id="attachment_10495" align="aligncenter" width="550" caption="Stage 4: Cover your ears and head for the hills, because SHE\'S FIXIN\' TO TORNATE."][/caption]

Stage 5: Critical mass has been attained. At this point, all you can do is put your head between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye.

But wait – I know a picture is worth a thousand words, but how about one of those newfangled video contraptions? I mean, come on, you don’t REALLY need those eardrums to survive, right? You do? Baby. Here’s the vid:

Jessica Simpson Sings at Golf Tourney

Le sigh. Keep praying for Jessica, she needs to know that Seven Pound, Six Ounce Baby Jesus will still love her even if she stops frying our brain stems with her demonic shrieking. I tell you what: let’s all zap her with our Baby Jesus prayers every time she gets up and starts to expectorate – maybe the combined thought power will achieve something that hundreds of bad reviews, ridiculous album sales, and common sense have not.

Image: Newscom

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Jennifer Hudson nailed the National Anthem, didn't she!

Wendy Boswell — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 18:33:40 +0000

Best. National. Anthem. EVER. In Jennifer Hudson’s first public appearance since her family was brutally murdered, she sang the HALE out of the National Anthem at the Super Bowl. Brought tears to my eyes!

MTV Shows

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Ryan Seacrest gets snubbed by Brad and Angelina at the Golden Globes

Wendy Boswell — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 17:56:05 +0000

I know I’m coming in kinda late on this one since the Globes were this weekend, but it’s still worth talking about. Ryan Seacrest, who is probably the most over-exposed celebrity on the planet, was trying to be a journalist on the red carpet at the awards show, shmoozing, talking to celebs, etc. After speaking with Beyonce, he went down to talk to Brad Pitt and Anglelina Jolie and they completely ignored him. Completely. It’s kind of awkward to watch:

This isn’t the first time they’ve snubbed Ryan. The first time was at the 2007 Globes, where he was being sorta obnoxious and Angelina froze him out. Here’s that clip:

Personally? I think Ryan is smarmy. But hopefully this won’t come back to bite ‘em.

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Jennifer Hudson will be singing the National Anthem at the 2009 Super Bowl

Wendy Boswell — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 17:38:37 +0000

Jennifer Hudson is scheduled to sing the National Anthem at this year’s Super Bowl on February 1, 2009.

This will be her first public appearance since the murders of her mother, nephew, and brother in October. I think a lot of Jennifer for continuing on after these tragedies; it would be easy to just curl up in a ball and never come out again, but she’s doing what she’s been called to do.

This isn’t the first time she’s sung the anthem at a major gathering; she also sang for the opening of the Democratic National Convention. Listen:

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Best performance of Star Spangled Banner EVER by Jordin Sparks

Wendy Boswell — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 17:54:30 +0000

Seriously, I honestly believe that this could be the best ever. And if you don’t agree with me, then poop on you.

(Obviously, I’ve been spending a lot of time with a third grader. I think it might be rubbing off. What do you think?)

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